Khmerbeauty 1 Life 1 Destiny

As I’m doing my push-ups this evening this thought plays in my head.  hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm what’s my dream weight and size?  My dream weight would be 120 lbs and a size 4 (but is it possible to be both LOL)?? As you can tell I’ve never been 120 or a size 4.

BUT THEN REALITY SETS IN!! Ohhhhhhhhhhh nooooo girly girl, not for me.  I realize that ideally my goal weight is about 135 or 140 - something that is so close I can almost taste it but so far away.  My size would be a 5/7.  That is just about where I’m at now.  Although with my broad shoulders I can fit all mediums and a few small.

I passed by Rod and for once he said, honey your arms shrunk a bit!!! SCORE!! LOL small victories!

I didn’t sleep a lot last night. Too many thoughts in my head.  That and a long day added up to  175 regular push-ups at home and I’m in the process of doing weights, pure weights.  No JIM date.

BUT TOMORROW BACK TO EATING!!! HAHAHA eating eating eating to my hearts content.  I already have my meals planned out.  I can get away with 1900 calories and do kickboxing and pilates.  Although Pilates will kick my butt it’s Ballet/Pilates.

Why is it I take such pleasure in the little things in life?  I do.  I get soooo excited about my brand new day!!

This morning - I set my alarm for 5:30 am weight work out and I got it in.  Oh my, this was the first time I did weights in two weeks and it was heavenly!!!!!! :)  All I need is a run, some push-ups and my yoga class to finish my evening.

LAST NIGHT

I was at the gym talking to other people when I get a call from Rod about 10 minutes before class.  Ummm, Lexus is in the shop and it needs this this and that.  He gives me the total.  I’m like, I don’t have even $50 to cover any of this work.   This was after the other money I spent earlier in the week on the car.  He says, oh, well, just letting you know because I can’t drive the car home.  Well, what do you want to do I asked.  Can you come get me I’m in LA?  No, I have two classes!  Sigh, so what do I do?  It just killed killed my mood and anticipation of two great classes.  I swear, all the food I ate in the world could Monday gave me zero energy.  I just kept thinking - what little money I have now for food for him and gas for work - all gone to the car!

Class was great but I was too upset that I didn’t enjoy it like I normally would.  And the thought of missing yoga just makes me miserable.

On the way there I kept thinking, when am I ever going to get a small break?  Just a small one?  Where I don’t have to worry about every penny I spend.  I don’t have to worry about all the bills that must be paid.  More importantly, who will I react when I see him will either 1) cause a fight or 2) we live in peace.  I want the later.  I don’t want or need an argument.

I get there and instead of reacting - huffing and puffing about what money needs to be spent just be more broke then we are already - is that possible?  I just waited for my kiss, he came over put gas in the car and we talked.

He has this calm attitude which is what I needed.  He went on to explain he worked a deal with his friend the rim shop owner.  He got some new tires, and all the needed replacement parts almost near cost.  Good thing his friend will let him get the parts, put it on the Lexus and work it off this weekend.I’m glad I took the time to think about how I was going to react before getting there.  I’m glad I listened and was a good partner.  I could be sitting here writing a blog about the argument we got into over money.

Instead, I’m writing one about how two people, who with close to $0 in their pockets, worked together as a team, found a solution to a problem and counted their blessings.  We truly did.  As I drove us home we talked about how in this economy, what little we have, we should thank God for.  We have so much because we have money still coming in, enough to pay bills and stay afloat and you know what?  Things will always happen  - car repairs, bills, bills, bills….what’s the point of stressing over it?  I know as the breadwinner I feel like a failure each time I do not make budget.  But I have to let it go.

I know there are greater catastrophes taking place each and every day.  But this blog is about my life.  I can’t speak for anyone else.  I sometimes feel a bit guilty talking about myself - but this is my space to share my thoughts and my daily struggles with everything that effects my personal journey.

I ate well all day no process food.  Just good healthy food.  I’m just taking a step back and getting my head back in gear.

I hope no one is offended by my newest default pic.  The reason why I decided to put it up is pretty personal.  See, Rod and I had some fun with the camera.  He used one to do a MAXIM cover for me for my birthday.  I used a bow to cover up any ahhhhhemmmmmmmm body parts that may show just a weeenssssiee bit too much.  Why this pic?  Because I’ve worked sooooooo hard to earn it!  So why not?   For those who are understanding thank you….for those who don’t I can only say I’m sorry but that is the best I can do to be conservative.

I for so long don’t like what I look like on the outside.  Taking risky pictures is  one step closer to self confidence.  I’m still very shy but you know what, if I can help one buddyslimmer realize their own self worth and that our bodies are beautiful, then it’s worth it.  To be honest, I’m really nervous about having it up.  Not sure it it will be well received.  If not it’s only a delete button away.

Yesterday was HOT!  I was soooooooooooo sore from the 4 hours of exercise Thursday.

I slept all morning but did get up for the noon Kickboxing and Ashtanga Yoga. Food wise - no counting calories for the next 3 days.  I want to enjoy my 4 day weekend.

Today we are having a huge barbeque for the family.  Then we are taking off for Hollywood for clubbin.  My sister knows the promoter so we are all getting in free.
Oh, who wants to pay for an arm and a leg for drinks?  So we do it ghetto style - drink before we get there.  But I’m not drinking at all as I’m the designated driver.  I’d rather let my baby and the rest of my family drink.

I’m planning on going to a real Bootcamp class - not my bootcamp at one of the top level 24HR Fitness in Irvine.  Can’t wait to see what it’s about.  AND I MISS MY PUSH-UPS! PLANNING ON 250 REGULARS!

About alcohol - I usually don’t drink and lately just the thought of it is a big turn off.  Like today my sister made all kinds of mixed drinks and wanted me to drink.  I just don’t want any.  The last time I drank then tried to work out the next day, it didn’t go too well.  I prefer a goodworkout over drinks any day.

HAPPY 4TH!!! Eat, enjoy yourself and be safe!

Why are some people so he** bent over on controlling others?  It’s THEIR LIFE!! Let them live it!!!  Who are you to sit and criticize others?  Especially when you don’t know of their personal trials and tribulations?  Who are you to point out and call them out on things they’ve talk about?

I’m sorry!  AH, I’ve worked almost every single work day since I was 18 yrs old and never once did I depend on anyone even my mama to take care of me!!!   I am an independent woman - always is and always will be.  Everything I have - I bought other then gifts!  My bills - I pay them!! With my hard earn money!!!  No, I don’t get the luxury of spending days on end at home to go to the gym whenever I want.  I don’t have time for hobbies other then the few hours after work.  I have never had the fun of being a stay home anything!  Only time I get to do nothing is on the weekend and occasional holidays.

My relationship is full of respect.  Never once do one of us do things that are not mindful or considerate of the other.  He is my partner and soon, when all the flags are lined up and he gets his green card, finish school, we will turn the tables around.  Until then we are doing our best to make it happen.  I’m very happy with my relationship.

If you truly want to talk about someone, make  sure you know of their situation first!  I get tired of relatives who hear snippits about my life and start in on me about what’s best for me!  Go wipe your own butt!  Until you truly take the time and invest in me, then you got nothing to say to me unless I came to you for an earpiece!

Just realized I vent about random things! LOL!  OK, PENT UP ANGER GONE!   None of it makes sense to me! bahhhh hahahahaha

I ended up doing my own weightlift routine an hr before yoga.  That’s 2 hrs down and 2 more hours to go this evening.  I’m tying in a different kickboxing class to the Pilates tonight.  I think I’ll even swim if I have some time.

Food wise - eating good stuff all day!!!!  Munching on some cherries I bought for $1 a lb at the grocery store.

MY DON’T COME ON MY BLOG DISCLAIMER: THIS ISN’T ABOUT ANY OF YOU!! DO NOT THINK I’M PERSONALLY TALKING ABOUT YOU!! I DON’T KNOW WHY IT HAPPENS!  BUT IT’S MY LIFE, MY JOURNAL AND I’M TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME WITH MY FAMILY.  SO IF YOU THINK YOU ARE IN MY BLOG - AIN’T ABOUT YOU!

Unfortunately I slept in again and did not get my run in.  But I will.  I will get a run in before the weekend is over.

I did get to the gym and did almost two hours of my  own customize bootcamp.  For the past few months I’ve been venturing off and doing my own routine.  One in which I pick out all my favorite moves and customize it to fit my needs.  I still go to a weight class once in a while but for the most part everything is in my head.  I love the freedom to do my own routine.  I keep it fresh and fun.

I received a number of emails asking me what my bootcamp is like.  Above is a picture of the basic equipment.  The  goal is never stop moving.  Unlike doing pure weights, whenever I do a cardio/interval circuit style I stick to lighter weights.  Then later in the week I go back to just a pure weights routine.

What I do is warm-up on the elliptical to get my blood flowing.  Some light stretches and off I go.  I hit the low row and lat pull down, the only two machines I use, to work my back and some shoulders, tri’s and biceps.

Then I take off for the aerobics room, set up and start with a cardio on the step.  I pull a lot of technique from my step class for this.  1 to 2 min later I do an upper body move.  Then back to either the BOSU for a cardio and weights combo or back the the 3 tier steps for a 1 to 2 min. cardio fix.  Then I move back to all weights say, lower body…..etc.  I usually try to hit 4 to 5 sets of 12 to 15 reps of everything.  Then I do my push-ups on the BOSU, planks….back to cardio, weights and so forth.  I keep a lot of walking lunges with the medicine ball or barbell.

I usually do not do a full body workout like this more then once a week because of how fast my lower body tones up.  Thus I do this once a week and upper body twice a week if I have time.

I was drenched in so much sweat.  I just couldn’t get myself to pull through for a run.  Like I need one anywayz.  The cardio was incorporated in the routine so it’s not that needed.

I never keep it the same ever.  I do what comes to mind.  Then I cool down and about 20 min. of yoga to stretch and meditate.

The bbq I went to, I did very well.  Luckily for most Cambodian BBQ, the focus is usually the meat,veggies and fruits.  Unfortunately they brought out donuts and I had just one.

To my question of size, do you ever wonder what size you would wear at a certain weight?

I know for me I wore a size 18 going on to 20 at 220 lbs.

When I made it to 180 lbs I typically wore 13/14 and was able to shop from normal size stores.

Now at 142 I wear a solid 7/8 with a few smalls here and there.

What I don’t understand is how some people say they were a certain size at a  certain weight.  Like, how can someone who weighs 220 lbs or bigger wear a size 12?  That doesn’t make sense to me.  It makes me say, what was I doing wrong at 220 to be wearing an 18?  My cousin tried to tell me she is wearing a large at 220 lbs - I COUGH BULLSHI*!

Yes, I know size vary by designers, but come on, does that make sense?  Let’s be realistic because that shi* ain’t real.

I hope to make it to a  5 and stay there, but my body is really happy where it’s at now.

Well, I have a lot of exercise planned for tomorrow.  Better to not say what it is till I do it.  I don’t want to lie to myself.  I hate it when I write something down and don’t follow through.

I had such a great time in all 3 classes.  Step was awesome!  We did a new routine and I kicked it up a ton of notches.  Kickboxing was great but I was getting tired by hr #2.  Yoga, ah, she killed our triceps with tricep push-ups! YAY!!!  Suffice to say I’m exhausted to the max!  I drank a ton of water with electrolytes added and ate my energy bar in between classes.  I’m just too tired to take a shower.   I stink.  Completely and utterly stinker!

Blaithin, next month I will certainly try to make it to a custom runner shoe store for a pair but for now, I can’t budget it in.  Instead I went bargain cheapo and bought a pair of New Balance running shoes for $35.00.  See, I have the expensive ones that cost me $120 but I rarely wear it because my foot shrunk 1/2 a size since I bought them.  Since I’m only going into my 5th month of running, I figured I need to spend my money wisely.  As I did today.  And Rod replaced some of my black tank tops that conveniently disappeared during a wash a couple weeks ago.

Tuesday evening I’m not sure If I will exercise or take the day off yet.   It’s to be determined.  I want to do something but I will have to wait and listen to my body.  If it tells me tomorrow is good I will do something.

Been thinking a lot about our instant gratification  society that we live in.  For the most part, most buddyslim members are in long term relationships or marriages which is great.  We have some great single ladies too.

Something happened to a wonderful friend of mine and my heart goes out to her.  It tears me up to see how hurt she is by a man she loved.  He is cruel.  He swept her off her feet only done to feed his own ego.  This friend is a wonderful person and does not deserve the bullshi* she got from him.  But I know she is strong enough to get pass this difficult period and one day find the man of her dreams.

Now, I know how much it hurts because my ex not only cheated on me numerous times, but the final time, the one in which I had direct evidence, I left him for.  Even then, he still try to lie,cheat and deceit his way into my heart.

My question is, how many of us really know if our loved ones is being true to us?  How many of our men have lied to our faces and been with other women?  How many of us truly knows the truth?  Do we really want to know the truth?

I believe, as I told my friend Blaithin, that there are very few faithful men and I’m sure faithful women out there.  Especially in this age, this time where a man can be on the computer talking to someone else and we may or may not know about it.  How would you handle it if it was you?  Would you leave or stay?  Does having children play a role in your decisions?

How I’ve handled it with my boyfriend, we have a very open relationship that allows us to freely talk about ourselves.   There’s very little I do not know.  I know most everything that he does.  Not to say it couldn’t happen again.  But I established from the first day I met him what I expect from a man.  I hope and wish that by keeping an open relathionship where we do not feel the need to hide our desires and dreams will keep our relationship free of the deceit that I’ve experienced in the past.

I should be in bed but I forgot I haven’t been on here all day!

Friday kickboxing was the shi*!!!!!  I had so much fun!!! But I did not make it to HIP HOP! I chickened out. OH WELL, I have another Friday to do it.

Saturday morning I thought I should take the day off from exercise.  I didn’t get up to eat early like I would on days I do exercise.  10am rolled around and it’s still cloudy out.  I decided why not right?  After adding some of those little electrolytes pack thingies to my water I took off for a 5 mile run.  Yes Blaithin, I took it outside.  But it was horrible.  First mile I couldn’t do, second, third, fourth and fifth.  I did not have my usual level of energy.  Came back home and did some yoga by the poolside.  That is until the two nephews started doing it with me and the two yr old was sitting on my head during pigeon pose.  That was the best part of it.

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER RUN WITHOUT EATING MY USUAL BREAKFAST OR PRE-WORKOUT FOOD!!!

How do people exercise without eating?  I don’t understand it because I just can’t!!! NO WAY NO HOW!!!! I’m fit and I felt like that was the first time I ever ran in my whole life!

We went to a wonderful show and dinner with Pirates and all that good stuff with my whole family.  We had such a great time.  I ate everything from appetizers, to the full dinner, ate off my two nephew’s plate and brought the rest of my food home for tomorrow’s lunch.  I did not worry about the calories.  AHHHHHHHH that was the first time I had mashed potatoes in forever!!! And chicken strips!!!  And little sausages!!!! Yep, all the little kids food!!

Sunday, I’m getting up early, eat a large breakfast so I can do my own BOOTCAMP workout!!! OH YES!!  My bootcamp workout consists a lot of free weights with 2 min cardio kicks in between sets.  I also use the BOSU, the stability ball and medicine ball.  The great thing with using the Aerobics room after all the classes is the SPIN bikes is in there and I can jump on for the cardio kicks.  I also love doing lunges across the room with 30 lb weights which is light but walking lunges takes more effort then stationary ones.  Oh and my lovely lovely push-ups!  Then yoga to finish off my morning.

It’s early morning, no way am I going to catch up on blogs, forums and what not.  Will do so Sunday. MISSED YOU GUYS!!!!

You know how you guys said go for your run?  Well, I just didn’t have time to sneak it into my day at work.  FORTUNATELY!!!! I MADE IT TO THE GYM FOR ALL 3 CLASSES!

Your not too smart girl here looked at the wrong schedule!  I did my 3 classes!  Not only did I do them but I did them with a ton on energy.  Thank Mr. Adrenaline aka STRESS!  I love my classes!  I took all my anxiety out in each hour!  3 hours of lovin’ coming my way was exactly what I needed.  AND AND this new guy who was in yoga - I told him don’t be scared of Nygel’s Power yoga class - he didn’t believe me - until he did the class AND COULDN’T DO ALL THE TRICEPS PUSH-UPS WITH ME AND MY 5 HOMEGIRLS!  Yep, don’t estimate underestimate the power of strong women! LOL Oh, no don’t even try to give me any girl push-ups! We are talking about full body all the way get them out triceps I mean business push-ups!

Oh, Rod tells me I looked crossed eyed in my default pic!! Now I have to sit here and go through my birthday pics and find something else to use.  Now, how come no one else told me I looked crossed eyed?  Shoot maybe I should take my crossed eye and cross him out!!!! AH baby PMS is here and I’m going to hurt the man.  Now I feel dumb having this picture up this whole time.

Tomorrow, I’m going with him to LA to see what we can do about postponing his interview.  There’s no way we can go without an attorney and his mom!

PRAY FOR US!

Oh, tomorrow morning - I’m so doing a 5K run before work.

LOL - let me go settle down and come off my exercise high.  Anyone need a shot of energy?  I have some to spare!

Ok, I’m a bit emotional now.  To share I was born during a Genocide in my country - Cambodia in the late 1970’s.  As such my parents don’t have record of my birth - makes sense as who would take time to create a birth certificate when bombs and gun fire is going off all hours of the day right?

When it was time to get tested to come to the US, my parents made up a day, May 3rd.  To be honest, I don’t know if I’m turning 31, 32, 33 or 34.  No one seems to have a clear cut answer for me.  But officially I am 32 years old.

4 years before this I was an overweight woman with no clear future…just miserable right?  To celebrate a new year, new day with my baby is amazing.  Not only that, to be a healthier person more so then at any other time in my life is a celebration in itself.

My honey and I went to get me an outfit.  I found it!  OH MY GOD and so cute with shoes and bra to matchy match!  Hey, it wasn’t my idea…Rod coordinated it.  I was tired after the 20th dress.  I felt frumpy and just completely not happy with anything until the one dress came up!  I hope my camera works well tomorrow! Can’t wait to take some new pictures.

OH, will certainly post some good ones when I have time.

I plan on doing the usual Sunday morning:  Weight training with the BOSU, stability ball…and of course my favorite push-ups!….etc and yoga to stretch it all out.

Yep ladies!  I AM GOING TO EAT MY  HEART OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Screw calories and all I’m eating.  It’s a ton of food, good food and I’m eating a ton of cake!

I’m divorcing coffee!! That’s it no more Starbucks coffee every morning.  We make Starbucks coffee here every day.  No more coffee treats!  No more coffee at the movies!! NO MORE!!!!!  I decided to go cold turkey.  Boy I am so waiting for the headaches to come on.

My replacement is going to be more green tea and yogi detox tea (for my kidneys) with gogi berries.  Yep, my boss supports me and I hope he keeps buying more tea! Bring it on! :) 

I went to the gym at 6am and the BOSU Kicked my behind.  I could only afford to do 100 regular push-ups on that thing because the unstable surface worked my arse off!  And I used the black side to stand on versus the blue.  Talk about INSTABILITY!  I was sweating like a pig by simply standing on it doing my weights.  Then to do squats with upper body on the BOSU oh my I was floored.  Then I did some ball exercise.  I was too tired to even attempt a run and I was running out of time.  7:15am - have to be home and ready for work by 8am.

Today I have a 3 mile break/lunch walk planned as well as kickboxing or ZUMBA.  After I entered all this info in SP gave me another warning - I have to change my goal to  meet my actual exercise.  In doing so it tells me I AM TO EAT 1800 AT MINIMUM!!!

Now I see why I was not losing weight and plateaued for so long.  I was restricting my calories too much. 

I feel like a kid in a candy store……seee child - go ahead and enjoy!!! Oh I will enjoy!!

The joys of eating but of course it will be good stuff for my body.  I’m just happy I have a lot of room to play with food.  I hope by doing this I curb my night time eating issues. 

 I wonder if I put my exercise in for tomorrow it kicks me into the 2000-2500 calorie range?