Nancy’s Weight loss Journey 5 Yrs & Counting

Well, I don’t understand my mom and I don’t like to talk about her alot because she stirs up many emotions - mostly negative.  She started smoking when she landed in America almost 30 years ago.  Between her and my little brother they smoke 1 pack a day which is well over $135 a month.  She battles diabetes, physical  limitations from polio, heart issues, high blood pressure………..and she’s a 30 yr smoker and Cancer!

Am I cruel?  I wonder if I’m insensitive to her struggle?

For the past 2 yrs I refuse to give or buy her any cigarettes.  Instead, I invest in veggie juices and continually buying wholesome food and medicine.  If she wants cigarettes she must buy it herself.  I don’t want to be a part of the group of people holding a gun to her head aka known as smoking!

Lately she’s hacking, coughing and when she does it around me or in the middle of the night I can hear her hacking like mad!  Then I smell it - the smoke, she’s at it again.  So last night as she sat and coughed her lungs out - almost literally, I said, why do you smoke? That is the very reason why you are coughing.  She said, oh I only smoke 1 a day now.  BULLSHI*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Such a lie!

I also believe she is suffering from glaucoma……………..see now why do I open myself up to talk about my mom?  All these stupid emotions comes pouring out!

I am at a lost with her.  She’s a stubborn old woman,who answer is I would rather die doing what I like then to abstain at all.  So she continues to eat salty food, smoke and no surgery for the cancer!

I hate thinking about her.  I avoid her a lot because I don’t want to deal with her issues.  I guess this is one of my biggest headaches and heartache- watching her kill herself slowly…………………………

This is the very reason why I continue to fight for my health.  Why I exercise a lot, why I am passionate about my weight journey and those of my peers  here.

I don’t want to be my mother or be in her shoes!!! I refuse to!!!!

Perhaps, later on when I’m not so angry about this issue I can revisit it and be more compassionate about smoking.  For now I hate it all!

Last nights kickboxing and pilates class was amazing and fun as always!

Today is a no exercise day again but I chose to come to work early to walk……total break and lunch walk is 5 miles.  And I did planks, 1 minute incraments…did 5 minutes already and maybe a few more today.  There is never an excuse to not stay active.

This is me - I’m not telling anyone or advocate others to do what I do - this is my life.  I like to stay busy and fit.  You can call it what you want, I call it caring and loving myself.

Got that right!

As I told my buddy Jess, Tuesday was a great day! 

I stuck to my plan for my off exercise day which turned out to be more exercise then off.  I used www.mapmyrun.com to figure out where I can walk and what the distance is.  Great site!  Base on that I know that I can get 4 miles easy in during my 2 breaks and lunch.

I have to tell you, I really wasn’t in the mood to walk, but since I set a goal, I must achieve.  When it was time for the lunch walk of 2.10 miles, there was for a split second a thought to cut corners and cheat!! I thought to self, self - if you cheat and cut corners, who loses?  Not anyone but me! So I did all 4 miles and was very proud of myself.  And I added in some core work too by walking the edge of the side walk like it was a balance beam.

I got a text from Nygel before going home - girl, I’m subbing Cat’s yoga class - you coming?  Of course!! I was there faster then an Asian girl gulping down her rice (me).

I got there early so I did 15 minutes on the elliptical then, since I got bored waiting for yoga to start at 5:30, I ended up doing 20 minutes of the kickboxing class that was ending.  Giving self a high five - lots in for a NON-EXERCISE night!

Oh - and let’s not forget the 100 push-ups we did in yoga - tricep push-ups my favorite killers!!!!  So no weights Wednesday since I did push-ups and weights two days in a row.

Today it’s simple kickboxing and pilates!! WHOO HOOOOO!!! Gotta love the rush!

I’m in a much better mood.  Broke or not, I just have to deal with all the lemons rolling my way.  Anyone want some lemonade?  Sugar too?  LOL!!!!!!

Even at freakin’ Walmart, we find out the Traditional $19.99 an oil change doesn’t stand a chance.  When did an oil change become $45 or $55 at Jiffy Lube?  And you know what else I don’t understand, why the heck is it a standard VOLVO is not considered “standard” and we need to pay *EXTRA* for this and that?

We took his mom’s car oil change shopping because Rod doesn’t have time to do it.  He ended up doing it anywayz and cost us about $20.  NO, we won’t pay twice as much for an oil drain, refill and filter.  I swear, every chance they can rip you off they will.

I am officially on a mean streak.  I feel agitated, just want to snap everyone’s heads off.  Rod and I almost got into it again yesterday because he claims I was pissed when he saw me at the door when I got home from the gym.

I wasn’t pissed, I was TIRED!  I mean work 8 hours then gym time 3 hours, come on, who has time to be nice and friendly.  I’m tired, I smell like the men’s locker room and I look worse then a bad hair day.

After telling him 4 times - stop misinterpreting my tiredness for agitation, that I became Agitated and pissed.

But we managed to talk and work it out.  Men - I can do without one sometimes.

Last nights kickboxing, weights and Step combo was a hit.  I did my part, hit the sauna to relax my muscles stretched then came home.

Today, I plan on just some Pilates, that’s it.  And maybe a bit of cardio - run - 1 mile or 2 miles - nothing special.

OH ALMOST FORGOT - on “OFF exercise” days I am starting my break, lunch, break walks again.  It can total up to 4 miles easy - OH YAY!  

Eating wise, I have some good homemade curry chicken - YUMMMY!!!!

I had a wonderful relaxing weekend.

NO I LIED!!!!

Saturday was great.  Rod worked on the Lexus and I went to a different gym for kickboxing and weights.  I had a great class.  Not my usual people and they don’t bring the same kind of intensity but I made my workout work nonetheless.  Then I did weights and came home and very sore since then.

My cousin came by in the evening and we made girl’s night out at the casino.  It took every ounce of self control to NOT give more then the $60 I lost.  Truth be told, I was itching to get more money and play and play.  But I kept thinking, I have Thanksgiving coming up, Christmas presents for the kids.  I can’t afford to keep throwing money into the casino inferno.   While my cousin took more money out to play,  I  held back and just chilled with her.  I’m so glad I resisted!

Came home at 4am and ate a very early breakfast since I didn’t wake up till noon, it worked out ok.  So wildcats, there I go eating in the middle of night/morning again.  SO mad but hey, I was up all night.  :(  :(  Still fighting though - tonight I hope to make it. 

Sunday, Rod and I can’t seem to get on the same page on just about everything.  I say one thing, he hear something else. Well,it goes both ways, but man, it just go to me today.  I tried to be understanding, but when I know I said A and he heard B, then we argue, no, I’m not ok with it.  Movie night was the movie 2012.  Really good movie to watch like a date night movie.  But the arguing afterward killed the mood a bit.  BOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOO!

Let’s talk about the stink!! OH MY GOD - My fart stinks like shi*!! I mean it smells bad.  The healthier I eat the worse the smells get.  I was hoping as my body adapt and after eating healthy pretty much for over a year now, I thought it would get better.  But it’s not.  The smell just gets worse and worse.  I even used some gas pills, doesn’t work on me.  I mean, it smells worse the Rod’s stuff.

Downside to eating healthy and cleaner for me, the constant gas passing.  The constant running out of the room to pass gas and the constant bathroom breaks from all the water I drink.  At night it’s the worse because I hate waking in the middle of the night to pass gas. Rod would say go ahead and let it go, but when it just takes over the room, he stopped suggesting it and relieved I leave to do the do.

Today it’s back to my basic - eating clean with lots of fruits, veggies, beans, chicken, water, green tea and water.  3000 calories because I have kickboxing, Step and upper body weights - 3 hours of fun fun fun!!!!!

Can I just say I’m sooooooooooooooo soooo soooo happy to see all my old friends back!  Deanna, RebeccaDawn, Nikki (a new friend), and of course Miss Sabrina!  It’s like the old gang is making a comeback!! WHOO HOO!  I feel like the buddyslim I used to know is almost back together.    *WIPES a few tears from my eyes - flick a few lashes off too*  Darn mascara!

I am freakin’ full right now.  I’ve been eating non-stop and I still need to get in a BOLTHOUSE FARMS 100% fruit smoothie to insure I have a good kickboxing and Zumba class tonight.   Taking in about 1900 calories before class and 3000 calories total for the day.

Rod’s mom is coming back From Africa the day of Thanksgiving - meaning we are back to just my Lexus.  SIGH SIGH SIGH!!!!!!

I already told my boss I may work earlier, just in case you know, my car which needs a new engine, decides to die on me or conk out, I can take the bus to work OR

OR BETTER YET!!!

I got a mountain bike for transportation.  Now Rod doesn’t know I have this bike yet.  We have one here in the office that I’m going to use.  He is dead set against any outdoor activity by myself.

But it’s a flippin’ straight 5 1/2 miles down one main street to and from work!!!!! If I do that to and from work that’s 11 miles of biking I can get in BEFORE hitting the gym.

I want to start biking to and from work on my “off” exercise day.

Not only am I being environmentally friendly, GOING GREEN, I’m getting some fun exercise in!

Actually I’m liking the idea of no car!  I don’t need a car!  My markets is nearby like 1/2 a mile away.  Job is close by.

The only day I need to drive is Monday and Friday mainly because of my favorite classes.

Rod is like a dad sometimes, he’s too overprotective….to break the news………the dilemma continues!  LOL

Like this morning - he didn’t like the outfit I put together because I suck at it, he put together a much better outfit, ironed it and hung for me when I came out of the shower since I was running late.  Well, brown and black goes together - sticking to two tone but it wasn’t cute enough for him.  Well, his outfit was a winner at work so he knows what he’s doing.

Rach, this is for you and why I stopped running.  I stopped for a couple reasons.  I don’t have a partner to run outside with and Rod won’t let me run by myself-safety concern.  After running for 6 months straight, going from never running to doing 7 miles non stop at a very good mile per hour, I decided it wasn’t for me.  I even registered for the Disney 5K but never did it.

I guess it was  a dare I gave myself.  I didn’t like running; but I must do the exercise to determine why.  Well, it isn’t me.  Yes, I enjoyed it during the few months but I find my body was too stressed from it.  My right side, the side of the groin tear, was always hurting.  Once I stopped running permanently, it went away.

My point is, try all exercise at least once or for a while.  But if it’s not for you, then don’t do it.

I know many people don’t like to take the classes I take but I love them.  I don’t like cardio machines either.  The elliptical is great but man even after 20 minutes on it yesterday, I was bored to tears.

I am after doing it for many years, a kickboxing girl.   I love my yoga, my pilates, my weights, now my Zumba.  I swim each summer.

There are other exercise and extra cardio fun stuff I want to do.  I always give everything a try once.  OH I LOVE ME THE BOSU Circuit class but they don’t offer it in the afternoon at my gym.

I want to do rock climbing.  I want to take more dance classes.  I like interacting with others in that sense.  When I’m in class 1 hr feels like 5 minutes.

That is why I stopped running.  I don’t like it.  I know there are a lot of people who run, it’s just not for me.

Although I do want to buy a bike and use that as my transportation for work and home - Rod won’t go for it though.  Safety issue for him.

Tonight I will go to my Step class and do upper body weights.

Oh, last night I failed the night time deal.  I hate it but as I’m doing it I know I shouldn’t - I ate 2 nutter butter cookies 150 cal for the pair and some tortilla chips.  BAD NANCY!!!!!

I will continue on with the WILDCATS T-day no cheat challenge.  I won’t give up - darn you night time eating!!!! LOL

Our team, the WILDCATS still has a couple open spots on the roster! :)  Anyone want extra support through the holiday seasons and beyond?  Wanna be a part of a group of supportive people?  Holla’ at me and let’s get started! Once our roster is full it’s full.

We have a 16 Day T-day countdown challenge going.  At first I didn’t want to join it because I’ve been sucking with night time eating! Like eating after 10pm cut off 5 nights in a freakin row!  But GinaRenee, Oh Wonderful Renee, convinced me to do it.  I heart my girl and SINCE KAMA started the challenge it’s a good thing right?

It worked last night was night one no nighttime eat and no fries or burgers off Rod’s plate.  We plan to make it aren’t we cat’s?????  :)  16 days is completely do-able.  The reward - oh delish delishious food on Thanksgiving.

Well, I have to run!  I had a hard night, didn’t sleep much.  So I barely functioned at work.  Was on here a lot actually. 

But I decided to skip kickboxing due to a 5:30 dinner.  I am off to Pilates and of course a date with the Elliptical.  I need a break from kickboxing.  And with new TV systems and machines, the gym is the place to be.

I WILL BE BACK!  15 days and counting!!! IT is do-able!

AND I AM SOOOOOO GLAD TO SEE OLD BUDDIES RETURNING! FEELS LIKE OLD TIMES!! WHOO HOOOOO!

A shoutout to Stacey, Nicole, Nicole, Kama, Dagny, Lydia, BeverlyGinaRenee,my buddy JESSIE and soooo many people from the WILDCATS and this wonderful site….you guys humble me with your support and love.  GOT NOTHING BUT LOVE BACK FOR YOU!!!!

I had a wonderful day!!  I just got back from the gym.  I ended up being late for pilates but I made up for it.  I did my lower body weights then took the cardio/step class, dropped all the upper body weights and focused on lower body and cored.  Modification is  the name of tonight’s game.

Let me tell you, in life, when people try to bring me down, I only grow stronger.   I was thinking about what makes me survive through all my trials and tribulations - my heart.  I made the best decision the day I walked out on my ex-husband when he cheated on me.  He thought I couldn’t survive without him.    I am in control of MY LIFE!

I take each day as they come and make the best of it.  Befitting of my struggle I thought of Destiny’s Child song “Survivor”.  For a I am a survivor and I will always triumph - one step, one inch at a time.

Because of him, when I’m face with any situations these days, I take control - of me because that is the only person I hold accountable to.  That any my buddies. 

Now that you are out of my life,
I’m so much better,
You thought that I’d be weak without ya,
But I’m stronger,
You thought that I’d be broke without ya,
But I’m richer,
You thought that I’d be sad without ya,
I laugh harder,
You thought I wouldn’t grow without ya,
Now I’m wiser,
You thought that I’d be helpless without ya,
But I’m smarter,
You thought that I’d be stressed without ya,
But I’m chillin’
You thought I wouldn’t sell without ya,

I’m wishin’ you the best,
Pray that you are blessed,
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness,
(I’m better than that)
I’m not gonna blast you on the radio,
(I’m better than that)
I’m not gonna lie on you or your family, yo,
(I’m better than that)
I’m not gonna hate you in the magazine,
(I’m better than that)
I’m not gonna compromise my Christianity,
(I’m better than that)
You know I’m not gonna diss you on the Internet
Cause my momma told me better than that.
Tomorrow I’m back to kickboxing and Pilates.  I can’t wait!!!

OH and I Had the best best best organic bean and corn tamale!  I actually had two of them.  Thanks boss for looking out for me.

I’M HERE TO STAY.   NO ONE CAN DRIVE ME AWAY.   

I finally got in my much needed exercise!!!! WHOO HOOOOO!!! GO MAMA!

Ok, so  after yesterday’s blog I kept thinking about my journey and purpose here.  I want to be here and I am here!!!! I needed to get my umphhhffff  back and I did!

I was “texting” some of my friends wink wink before class.  I’m on my last couple of days of AUNT FLO and this darn damn cold.  So I knocked all of it out of the ballpark with kickboxing and weights.

OH MY GOD - one of my old friend from years ago came to class during class and it was hug time! :)  It was nice to see her.  I sweat so much through both tops.  Then took of for the manly manly weights section.  I love it over there because you know, men can be very motivating.  They are hardcore and I’m hardcore.  :)  I got my weights in.  OH, forgot to mention, last week this Asian and Black couple came in.  I don’t know what it was but the girl (Asian) just hated on me!!!  Oh man, did she try to strut and show off her stuff in front of her man.  Baby girl, don’t worry about me, I’m there to do my own work out.

When they showed up today, I was doing my last 3 sets on of low rows and took off.  Trust  me, I’m not there to flaunt or boast, I’m really there to get my shi* in!  If,  that’s what she’s there for, more power to her.  And no - I don’t need or want your man.  I got my own.

Tonight at midnight I want to support my honey.  The new Call of Duty is coming out. We have an XBOX.  It’s an early Christmas present for big man.  I think I’ll take a nap then take off with my baby.  Should be fun to see how many people show up for this new game.  My brother is also getting one for his playstation.

I’m eating very good today.  I have some sour chicken soup and rice to eat.  I think I got in about 2300 calories - no where near the 3000 calories but then again I cut out my Step class today.  Next week - all 3 is back!

Tuesday, it’s all about Pilates and Lower body weights and maybe a short run.  Still not a fan or running so 2 miles won’t be so bad.

Been “lost” with everything for the past few days.  I wanted to work out so bad but sat out for more days then I care to count.  I even canceled my girl date with Nygel Saturday.  We are going out Friday night dancing - whoo hoooo!

I hate being home the last couple of days.  I feel so unmotivated and unproductive.  I didn’t do much other then being in bed relaxing.  Rodeny wouldn’t let me go to the gym or do anything.  I now think I really do have adult ADD.  I can’t sit still for more then a few hours at a time.

I’ve been taking some time away from buddyslim to focus on my family and friends.  It’s great to be here, but the past few months, this place is so dead.

I wonder, why am I really here?  Why do I bother to read people’s blogs?  I mean, most people come for a few days, a few weeks, maybe a month or so and boom, they gone. Then some people act like you don’t exist.  While other people, turned their backs on you and you don’t even know why.  Whatever!  I’m not going to waste another second wondering why people stop supporting me.  No longer my issue.

Other then the wildcat’s forum…….I’m not that interested in much here anymore.  I just can’t be motivated to give people hi five when they ignore me.  Being real right now.

Honestly, I feel a lost of motivation to be here.  I don’t feel the energy, the love, the comittment that I saw many months, even a year ago.  Yes, as MJ noted, there are a number of loyal people here, other then that, I’m having trouble staying motivated to motivate people.

This used to never be a problem.  Come good days or bad, I love being here, reading up, getting to know people.

I am going to refocus on my personal journey and that of my loyal friends and my cats.  Anyone else, hey, what goes around comes around you know.  And trust me, I’m not speaking to anyone personally, I’m just stating that I only want to focus on people who supports me back.

I’m over being sick.  I’m back to work and to my routine with a vengence.  I have nearly 2 months left now before my 5 yr anniversary.  This day is making me happy and sick in the stomach at the same time.  ARRRGHHHHHH I really want to make my goal!!!!!!

Monday I’m going to scale back just a bit.  I’m eating about 1500 calories before the gym.  NO 3 hours.  Just Kickboxing then weights.  2 hours total.  I promise Rod I’m taking the Step class out of the routine.