Nancy’s Weight loss Journey 5 Yrs & Counting

Kerstin and I have been engrossed in extensive discussions about weight loss.  I want to pose a few questions that keeps playing in my head.

What is your weight loss philosophy?

Why are you on this Journey?

What do you expect at the “end” of your journey?  Is there an end to your journey?

Why are you here on buddyslim?

“Ninety-five percent of all dieters gain the weight back.” Do you want to be a part of the 5% success rate or are you the 95% failure rate?  If 1 in 10 people are expected to make it - DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ONE?

My weight loss philosophy is healthy living with a lot of hard work - daily.  Meaning I treasure my body and treat it like a piece of diamond.  I exercise 5 to 6 days a week, I mix cardio, with weights,pilates, yoga and good food.  I don’t starve my body.  I give it the proper fuel.  I give it everything it needs to perform for me.   I do not believe in quick fixes.  I do not believe in diets, fads, fast results.  I believe in slow progression. I believe in being mindful of my body, soul and breath connection.

I am on this journey for myself.  I am on it for the long haul.  I’m on it for the rest of my life.  I’m on it so I can in turn be there for my family and loved ones.

There is no end to this journey.  I will always tweak it.  The maintenance part is far harder and stressful then the losing part.  Plateaus are a part of this journey, so are high cal days, sickness, good days and bad days.  There is no 365 days to this cycle.  It is endless.  It is the air I breathe.

I’m on buddyslim because I feel sooooooooooooooooooooooo good helping others.  I love reaching out to new people, to my friends and being there for one another.  I love giving.  I’m here to give.

I am and will be part of the 5% that is successful.  I will have almost 5 yrs under my belt.

Yes, it can be done.

TO answer my own title question - I am on this journey until the end.

Don’t be part of the 95%!  Don’t fall for fads.  Don’t fall for the newest trends and latest gadgets.

Be honest with yourself.  What do you think?  Are you here for the long haul?

God gave you 2 arms, 2 legs, some big lungs, a big heart - use it!  No need to take pills or do anything other then eat the food provided bye earth, the animals that roams it and breathe the (smog in my case) air and make good of it.

Nothing more and nothing less!!!!

Tonight I did my set - cardio/weights combo and had a great time. PUSH-UPS WAS IN IT BUT NOT ENOUGH FOR ME!! I DID A TOTAL OF 150 FOR MYSELF!

For a week!  Well, Rod declares last night he wants to take the pressure off me and not make love for a week.  Poor peanut butter loving horny honey is being a sweetheart.  I wonder, if this will help me with my stress level?  This is a major quest for my highly sexual honey.  I wish him the best (and me) the reward after one week - IS ME! LOL

Well, there are conditions: Like I must not try to turn him on for the fun of it.  No touching, no nothing that will make it extra hard for him to meet his goal.  For him, saying he’s giving up making love for a week is like me taking a week of exercise - SHEER TORTURE!!!!!!!

Yesterday I met 2 of my 3 goals.  I did both kickboxing and step.  The reason why I skipped yoga is because it’s power yoga, and I just couldn’t push myself to do all three.  My legs would be too tired to do step.  The step class is a very advanced class with lots of regulars.  I did my best to keep up.  I’m glad I did it.  I know that if I continue to do it every week, I will master it just like them.  AND she teaches on Thursdays too - may add that into the mix.

Today I have a weights/cardio class to  do and some of my own personal weights routine.  I was too lazy and sleepy to get it in on Sunday. :(  But I will MAKE IT UP!

Food wise on Monday - I  don’t think I hit the 3000 I was looking for.  However, getting enough sleep, less stress and way less coffee mad my fav. Monday classes a great one!

Breakfast:
Coffee with cream only
1 small gala apple
2 cups of steel cut oatmeal with cinammon and goji berries (dried)
1 small pear

Snack:
1 jumbo peach with nonfat plain Greek yogurt and a dash of Cinnamon

Lunch:
1/3 can of kidney beans
Chinese slaw with carrots, cabbage and grilled chicken breast with my Asian vinaigrette

Preworkout food
1 banana
1 handful of roasted nuts

In between class  1 energy bar 200 calories
Dinner:

1 grilled chicken thigh with 1. 5 cups rice

Salad with romaine and cucumber

1 slice of ww bread with peanut butter

1/2 a dry uncooked Asian noodle
Water: 150 oz
Vitamin: yes

October will be 4 months till my 5 yr anniversary of this journey.  I’m ready to pee on myself.  I swear, this body of mine is not working with me to let go of any weight.  Well, let’s be real, I have not been on a scale for almost 3 weeks.  I choose not to get on one.  But I am freaking out as I always do. 

Funny thing is at the end of January My sweet buddy Tina and I are meeting up for the first time in Vegas.  All I want is to lose the 8 lbs I gained in the last month and another 10.

You know, it’s so not easy to lose the last 15 lbs.  I’ve tried about everything  in terms of eating and exercising - mixing it up  and you know, I can get a bit frustrated with it all.  I ate less, I zigzag my calories, I increased my calories…….LOL I need to keep trying!

My honey, said to me yesterday, babe, no matter what you weigh, I will always love you!  But as you know, in his secret fantasy world he would love for me to be at 180 lbs or heavier.  I know many people would be happy to have a loved one wants them to gain weight but not me.

Well, as our team THE WILDCATS take on it’s second win this week, I’m re-focusing on me.  And as  I blogged yesterday, I’m not going to focus on the bad energy I feel here from certain people who are strangers to me.  I am going to refocus on my health, my friends and my family.

Stress is not good for the body, the mind or my health.  Nor is lack of sleep!  I need to work on these two facts and I know somewhere along the way a couple of lbs may drop.

Today I plan on eating 2000 calories BEFORE hitting the gym for kickboxing and yoga.  AND I may stay for the Step class.  I think I can do it! :)  If I take it up to 2500 calories I can stay for all three classes!  It’s been almost 4 months since I did any 3 back to back but I’m ready to do it again!

I feel like I’ve grown and aged more so in the last few weeks then I have in the last 10 yrs.  I feel strange saying this, but I feel wiser.  Not by my own doing, but by learning how to watch, listen and learn.

The last week or so I’ve put a lot of time and thought into all the changes, big and small that I made.  In the past, months ago, I allowed people to get to me.  What people say I took personally and to heart.  I would allow others, strangers on the streets and here to get under my skin.  I reacted fast and without thought.  I say what comes to mind.  Most of the time I regret what I say or do.

This past week, I watch myself mature.  I reacted only after careful consideration.  I look towards wise people, my friends, my peers and my respected loved ones for advice.  I took their advice and I will do so as I face other issues in the future because I don’t want to make an a$$ of myself.   And I won’t allow others to pull me into their mind bending games.  No, too old and I don’t have time for that.

Hard feat for me.  I prefer to as the saying goes, speak my mind very loudly.  But not now.  You know why?  Because I’m very sure of myself.

I know where I stand.  I know what my values are.  I know what my beliefs are.  I don’t play wishy wash games, I don’t straddle the fence, I don’t two face my friends, I have my ideologies, I stand by them and until someone gives me a valid reason to cross the street and join their side, they better have some good points and evidence to back it up.

Until then, I stay true to myself.

My good and loyal friends matters, the wildcats matters, my family matters, my exercise routine matters, my honey matters.

EVERYTHING ELSE - DOES NOT MATTER!

Today things didn’t go as planned.  We were to meet Rod’s 1/2 sister whom he has not seen in 10 yrs along with his brother and girlfriend, but traffic and time was not on my side.

Luckily I ate a big breakfast of fried rice with chinese sausage and eggs.  I didn’t eat again till 4:30 because we were, well, we didn’t plan our day well.

Was soooooooooo hungry and my blood sugar level so low I opted to get my very own meal of double cheeseburger and fries.

I have to say, it was heaven for 5 minutes.  I ate it slowly and enjoy every single bite.

Ahhhhhhhh the evil of McDonald’s!!!!

No exercise - off day.  Love my off days - they as good as exercise days. 

My baby is trying to put together a portfolio for modeling - at his ripe old age 35.  Well, whether or not he gets back to it, I’m happy I have some nice pics of him.  I must share what I likey likey!!!! :)  I went to candy store and came back with him!

Today is all about getting 2000 calories before GETTING to the gym for kickboxing and hip hop!  I want to see how much energy 2000 calories bring versus 1500.  Then I will eat about another 1000 afterward.  My kickboxing instructor suggested ante up  the calories and see how it works.

Gosh (truly want to use a diff. word bu nah) BIG BRIGHT NEON NEON READ ME EXIT BLOGS! These wonderful wonderful, I don’t MEAN to be NEGATIVE BUT Buddyslim sucks because I didn’t get what I want so I want people to see me knock the site down a few notches to get a boohooo no, please stay comments.  Yah! Oh, and for all the haters - don’t read my shi*!  Seriously, got nothing to do with you, this is for my “Friends” - and I HAVE TONS of them.  :)  You know how I got them?  Dedication to THEM!  Worked my butt off to keep in contact!

Well, back to what is JABBING me on the side! Every few weeks we get a few dramatic EXIT blogs telling us how NONSUPPORTIVE this site is!  How, people are not there for them.  And how they must leave for other sites.  YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY TO THAT? LEAVE!  But must it be so that you knock down this site?

Let’s see, say I have a gym membership, paid for every month and for 4 yrs I don’t use it.  Then I start going 2 times a week.  I put no effort in.   I go jump on the elliptical, for 30 minutes.  I go home.  After 2 months I say, 24HR Fitness sucks and their facility sucks because I did not lose weight.

Then say there is another member who uses it 6 days a week, diligently - uses it for cardio machines, weights section, classes, sauna, swimming pool and the kids club.  They lose 15 lbs in two months.

What’s the different? Just like this site, dediction and use of the tool given to you.  It’s not the site!  It’s you!  You didn’t put time into it!  You come through write a blog or two, don’t comment on NOBODY’S But your QUALITY friends blogs, you don’t utilize the forums, joined challenges, you don’t open yourself up, you don’t take advantage of the site!

Yes, say it out “Nancy is a loud mouth” That I am.  I don’t like it when people knock on this site!  I truly don’t because I’m here each day and I know how supportive it is.  But you also have to put a little elbow grease into it.

It doesn’t matter how many sites any of us join, if we don’t dedicate a little time, get to know some people, it won’t be a great tool on your journey.

No, seriously, you don’t need to enlighten me on how this place works.  I got it.  I spend hours here becuase I want too! I love it.  Quantity, I have quantity not because it just HAPPENED! Quantity in the friends  I have because I care enough to pay attention to people.

AGAIN, my blog, got something negative to say “DELETE” BUTTON IS RIGHT THERE!  I don’t care what you think if you are one of my favorite haters.  Again, this is for my friends who knows why Wildfire is raging!

And support will always be a two way street, see, unlike others, I know that one must give to get support.  If all you do is take, you won’t get far.  Sorry - that’s reality.

I didn’t eat enough before both my kickboxing and pilates classes.  That’s what I get for talking too much! lol  I talked so much I forgot to eat the 1500 calories needed before going to the gym.

I wasn’t going to blog today.  Didn’t know if I really wanted to write.  But then I realize, it’s my JOURNAL! LOL I look back on it for strength - in reading the comments  you give me and taking advice.  Thank you for your love!

I had another sleepless night.  Got in at most 4 hrs of sleep.  My mind wouldn’t settle down.  Too many thoughts.

I challenged myself, per the WILDCATS forum, to do something each day as if it were my last.  My deal, to hug, kiss and tell my mom I love her.  Simple?  No not really when me and mom don’t hug that often and first hug was at 14.

Came home and did it, she looked at me kind of strange.  I just looked at her and saw her age and her frail body.  I walked away and cried in my room.

She made a mess in the bathroom.  I have to clean up after her; at first I was going to tell her she needs to clean it herself but I’m learning to pick my battle. I will hug, kiss and tell her I love her again when I leave for work and when  I come back.  I don’t want to miss out.

Yesterday I did a no no and didn’t eat breakfast and had a late lunch.   Therefore with less then 200 calories in my system Rod wouldn’t let me go do weights.  I abided and stayed home.  I ended up eating under 1200 calories but I ate that evening.

Today I have no choice but to eat about 1500 or even 1800 calories before hitting the gym for kickboxing and pilates.

What did I learn?  I ALWAYS LISTEN TO MY BODY!  I don’t push it too hard! I don’t exercise without fuel!  EVER!  It may be just one day but in my book, each day matters.

I’m making each day matter.  :)  Smile!

I am writing this in tears.  Tears I couldn’t shed last night.  My mother, who has a tumor in her uterus has decided to NOT have surgery to remove it.  It will be too painful and she does not want to endure the pain, it will come back even if it’s removed and I think right now, it’s too much for her to deal with.  As much as we fight and bicker, I don’t want to lose her so soon.  My world is falling apart.

 I have so much to deal with that sometimes I don’t know if I can.  I ask you for your support and prayer. 

I couldn’t sleep all night.  All I kept thinking is when?  She is suffering every day.  Every day I watch her in pain.  And now, there’s not much to do.

 How do you say goodbye to your mother?  I just don’t think I can, am ready or willing to face it.

My workout was very good last night.  I had a great time. Both classes was the bomb.

I have some weights to do tonight, but a part of me, don’t want to do anything anymore.  I just want to curl up into a ball and just not exist for a while. 

What an emotional Saturday night this has been.  I was on here adding our newest WILDCATS and having a great great time.  Then I had a late dinner with my family.  Well, Rod wanted me to go to a house party in LA but I’m still tired from being up all night at the casino.  He’s so sweet, called me from the party to say hi and wish I was there.

During dinner my brother’s girlfriend  told me about her impression of the first time she heard a fight between my ex-husband and me.  She brought back all these ugly feelings.  Honestly, I can pick almost any fight and it could be the one she heard.  She said she was so terrified and scared she asked my brother to take her home.

When I heard her tell this to me I felt sad.  They, my family don’t know what I went through and why I was such angry person.  I mustered up the courage to tell all my brothers and sister and his girl what I went through.  I told them about being molested for 5 yrs by a family friend, then an ugly and ultimately being raped at 5 yrs by the manager of the apt complex.  This all done after only being in America for 1 yr and not knowing a word of English, and mom out there trying to learn English and get a job.

I told them how those 3 experiences effected me into the 20’s, my bad marriage and 10 yrs of personal hell.  They need to know I felt I couldn’t turn to them because I was ashamed of myself.  I harbored those feelings and they in turn made it easy for me to act out in anger often.

I told them I told my ex about it, he dismissed it as nothing.  And that at 25 yrs old I told my mom and she too dismissed it as if it’s nothing.

The first person to help me confront my anger and deal with my issues with being raped was Rod.  For the past 2 yrs he and buddyslim has changed me into who I am today.  If it wasn’t for him I think the anger issues and the emotional turmoil that comes with those incidents would still effect me.

I think they got really defensive because they felt that I SHOULD have gone to them.  They don’t understand that I felt that I couldn’t.  I couldn’t tell anyone about what happened because it was too much.  The only reason why I can now is because I have made peace with myself by letting go and talking about it.

It’s not easy to talk about.  I cried a lot.  My brother acting like a butthead.  Of course, I didn’t expect him to be compassionate he never is with me.  I just wanted them to understand that this personal demon has effected my life for the past almost 30 yrs.  IF they think I have not change they need to look twice.  I have change and I did it on my own.  I did it.  I addressed my issues head on and finally moved on one day at a time.

Sad part is he tells me, I’m not as “strong” as I used to be.  I don’t know what world he lives in, but I’m the strongest I’ve been all my life.  I’m powerful today.  Sad that he is so off the mark yet he thinks he knows me better then I know myself.  He just doesn’t like that he and my mom don’t get their way with me any more - bottom line.

I AM OVER IT!

I spent the day doing NOTHING! :)  One of my favorite ways to spend Sundays.

Monday is always my favorite exercise day of the week as it’s with Nygel for Kickboxing and Yoga.  LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!!

Lana, my hip hop instructor emailed us the color for our outfit BLUE!!! I’m so blued out - I have my top, my shoes which is black with blue stripes, my blue bandana and my cap!  She wants to film us for youtube again!!!! Wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll I have to see what the clip looks like first.  I would hate to send the link and I look like a fool!! Remember I this is only my second months into hip hop so I’m still learning the moves and adding my own style.  I must must must beat at least 1500 calories for kickboxing and hip hop.

I want to kick ASSSSSS!!!!  I want to drip drip with sweat!  I love love to sweat.  I love sweat between my toes, I love my sweaty and wet socks, I love my sweaty top, I love my sweaty crotch………………. I love sweating dripping of my hair and hitting the ground all around me!! It’s all a sign of a good workout.

Not talking about the sweat from a hot room, but sweat I earned!! I earned my sweat and love to bask in it.

Soooooooooooooo anyone with me on sweating a bit today?

SWEAT SWEAT SWEAT IT OUT!!!!!  Oh and the stink that comes from a great work out…………..peeeeee uuuuuuuu but I love it!!!  I heart the dirty dirty of a good hot calorie burning heart pumping two hours of fun!!! OK, better not get sooo excited I can’t work. 

I just want to say, I’m NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT BURNT OUT ON BUDDYSLIM!  I just needed some help and finally I got some recently from a dear friend.  I need aid and she provided it.  Sometimes people don’t realize how much effort it takes to keep something like a forum going strong.  It doesn’t happen on its own.  It takes a lot of nurturing, dedication and being a good and very intuitive leader.  I needed help and I got it!! Thanks girl!!!!!

As far as buddyslim and the “slowness or lack of participation” we all felt, I find that there is a little fire burning under all of us!!! Keep it up guys!  Don’t wait for your peer to be active, YOU BE ACTIVE AND BE THERE FOR OTHERS!!!