*Sreymoum*FOREVER EVOLVING; My low self esteem and insecurities..
Exists each and every day. It was June last year that a buddy wrote a blog about what would you do once you get to your goal weight. I wrote “To look in the mirror and love myself”. It’s been one year since I wrote that statement to Chrisie. Chrisie via email made me realize it doesn’t have to be like that. From that moment on I started to look in the mirror and love who I am. There are days I still don’t like who I see, both the inner and outer, but they are far and in between.
What helps most is having Rodney as a partner. All my insecurities, let’s be real, we all have them regardless of status, class, looks…..it exists, can only be an insecurity if we allow it. I don’t like many things about myself but with his patience, I am still learning to overcome them.
Do I have high self esteem? NO! I am a work in progress. Each day it gets easier. The negative self talk is almost gone. Hence, the reason why I now stand up for myself, my beliefs, my opinions and point of views. I used to be a people pleaser and say things to please others. Not anymore. I will always have my own opinion and respect those of others. But at the same time, I’m very bendable. I love change and welcome it. I hunger for knowledge and growth. I am forever evolving.
This morning the lines for Transformer II was rediculous. They ended up opening 5 auditorium instead of 1. It was worth it. For us, our first date was the first Transformer movie. We were excited to have our own little annivesary of sorts. Now I’m running on less then 4 hours of sleep. Movie is really good. We will see it again next week in IMAX. YAWN! 
Blaithin, I decided not to run today. I don’t feel the energy today. BUT I will go to Kickboxing and Pilates. I thought I would not have time to do it but the evening is open for 2 hours of fun.
Shellibean hon, my Cambodian name, is *Sreymoum* meaning beautiful, honey….etc. It’s a name designated for the eldest daughter. Well, there’s many variation of it. Because when my mom is mad at me she changes it to a mean version. :)
Shaina, do get the BOSU. It sells for about $70 to $80 online I think.
you inspire me. keep going full steam ahead.
O_O
I can relate…I figured weight loss would boost my self-esteem and self-confidence and that I would look perfect…but no. I think I have improved, when talking with my bf I would cry alot if we fought and I would rarely if ever stick up for myself.
But now when he was bugging me I always stuck up for myself…
I still have negative talk though…I tell myself that no guy is going to date a girl with flabby arms and legs and a flat chest that looks like it never went through puberty…blah
I think I am doing the front leg on my lunges correctly. I know it should be a 90% angle and with squats and lunges never to put the knee past the foot (or toes) but its the back leg I have trouble with. I held onto a chair and tried to do them but nope, nothing. My back leg sank down a bit the way I imagined it should, but it didn’t do anything but make the bottom half of that leg hurt…I’ve googled demonstrations so I know what it is supposed to look like but the doing isn’t working…
iwas just talking bout this the other day thanks for writing this blog . keep up the great work .
I think self-esteem is a tricky thing, and it is one of those things that people — maybe not even consciously — sometimes attack. Though I’m overweight, and have been for much of my life, I have been lucky to have high self-esteem. I generally do like myself, see my good qualities, all that jazz. I have definitely experienced some people who have questioned my “right” to feel good about myself because I’m not the traditional “attractive build.” I’ve reached the place in my life that I listen to and embrace the people who build me up and help me feel better (boyfriend is high on that list, as are a handful of my closest girlfriends) and mentally blow off the ones who make me have any self-doubt. Life’s too short!
I liked that blog. It made me smile. Oh how I missed reading your blogs. ; )
Oh! I love this blog!!!! And cool to know your Cambodian name too!!
Great Blog!
Yes, we are a work in progress!!
Big HUGS!
Nancy, my kid’s in my lap fussing! I’ll try to come back later to leave my comment!
good stuff…
Ate my comment
Hi Nancy,
xx
I absaloutly love this blog. For years (and unfortunatly still am) struggling with the people pleasing Virus…I used to be so strong and do things for me but then someday something clicked and thought “Oh I better not be selfish” BUT u just said that you stand up for yourself but also embrace change and are flexible…You can be both…I feel as if thats what I have been waiting for someone to say without Knowing (does that make sense?!) I think we are all our own worst enemy, my mother always tells me, “Do not be nasty to yourself as in this world there are unfortunatly lots of people out there who will do it for you so why be your own worst enemy?!”
Makes sense really…I think sometimes we spend so much time being kind to others we forget about ourselves. I have also been told to stop inwardly saying things (negative) that I wouldnt say to others…so anyway I just wanted you to know I loved this blog
OMG! I’ve been across the complete spectrum of self esteem. You wouldn’t think a person could have too much, but I’m telling you, as a teenager and very young adult, I thought I was hot stuff. LMAO I cringe to think of the attitude I had, and all that self-love turned into self-worship. Not a good thing! I’ve said some terrible things in my past, including How can a person let themselves get that FAT??! Then one day, I realized I was that person, who got fat without even realizing it. What a wake up call! Self esteem went to ZERO, wouldn’t leave the house, wouldn’t look in a mirror (not even to put makeup on! I’d just put my hair in a ponytail without even looking…) But I guess for one, I deserved it. And also, I feel like my experiences have caused me to grow a lot as a person. I try to be more understanding, to look at things from where a person is coming from rather than where they stand at this moment. All in all, it’s been a tough journey, but I’m thankful for it because it’s shaped my attitude and my heart into a much more caring, understanding, and FAR less judgmental person. Not that I think I’m just a perfect, awesome person! I’m not, by FAR!! I can just see how the self-esteem fluctuations had a positive impact on my life. (Hindsight is 20/20)
I know there are some people in the world who can be beautiful, intelligent, pampered, well-dressed, and adored, all while remaining kind, caring, understanding, and gracious, but I was not one of those people. I needed to see what it was like to not think of myself as God’s gift to humanity to grow and actually become a decent person. I’d hate to even think who I’d be right now if my life had gone just the way I’d imagined it would. But maybe this is too deep a subject for a blog comment…. LOL I’ll save it for later.
I just wanted to throw that out there, that sometimes a negative experience can be turned into a completely positive thing.
I liked this blog. It’s tough to say nice things about yourself everyday when you don’t like what you see, but you’re right why do we have to wait until our goal to love ourselves!?