Anger management classes: I felt like a total failure in life,in love and in me
Yep there I said it! For a while now I felt in so much control. Like I can do this. I don’t need a helping hand.
Today I had a major meltdown and I can’t even tell you what it’s really about. Rod and I got into it but what was it really about?
Ok, so the car is on a ramp for tires somewhere in L.A. at 4:05 pm and he calls me to tell me so knowing that at 4:30 my class starts. We talked about 40 minutes before and nope, no signs of any hazards. I am so happy because YIPEEEEE I get to go to all 3 classes with no hiccup right? No, oh so far from the truth! Nope at 4:20 we’re arguing on the phone and I’m typing like a mad woman to the tribe at how pissed I am.
What do I do? Put on my workout clothes I had handy, with my IPOD shuffle secured on my top and my cell in one hand I start running from work to home. Screw the sun and no sunblock, I still ran.
Well, Rod found me 2.5 miles into the run and half way home. At this point I was mad, Step class going on and I’m not there. He takes the time to explain his day and why things fell a part last minute.
I listened but not really listening because I was brewing some mad anger inside my chest. So he drives me to a different gym to get at least weights and yoga in. We get to the parking lot and all out war.
I call Kama hysterical because he brings me home and just leaves the keys for me and I sat there wondering why I was so mad.
I telling Kama I was having a complete meltdown and but did not want to resort to hurting myself, inflicting pain to feel better…I wanted to keep all the advances I’ve made and not regress to who I was.
I just feel lost, no control over my home, my life, my anything. All I have is my routine, my workout and at this moment I didn’t and couldn’t have that.
Kama talked some sense into me. I may get some professional help soon. Will check with my health insurance carrier for coverage.
I never got pro. help for my dad’s death,my divorce, my mom’s cancer and so many other problems.
I used to not handle any of this well. But with Rod I’ve gotten better until the last few months. I see myself reverting to my old ways and I don’t want to do it.
NO MORE BULIMIA,NO MORE SELF INFLICTING PAIN, NO MORE CUTTING!! I haven’t done it it over 3 years and I won’t do it again.
Came in and Rod and I argued some more. But we have worked through some of our issues. I told him I have to learn how to deal with my emotions. I am having trouble controlling my anger. Maybe maybe I should look into anger management classes.
The conclusion today: I missed all my classes but got in 2.5 miles of running and a suntan on my back.
What to do next: Adjust and make tomorrow the bomb! Life goes on.
Today another lesson learn. As long as I learn a lesson and care enough to move on I can’t go backwards. NO WAY NO HOW!!
The fun part: Tomorrow I can do a weights session, get some cardio in - don’t know what it is yet and get an easy yoga class in! 
We just agreed right now we are going to Anger Management classes together. Together we will become healthier. That’s a good thing.
Am I first?? Hmm..
Sorry about the troubles Nancy (((hugs))) Just know your family here loves you!
Thank you Joy! That means so much to me. :)Love you guys back!
Wow, that was a crazy day. Just the fact that you can say you have a problem is such a huge step. Somebody very close to me does the same exact things you use to do, bulima, cutter, you name it. She is not even close to talking about it with anybody!! Good luck with anger management, that must make you feel so happy that Rod is going with you!! If you can diet you can do anything, lol!!
So sorry to hear about your bad day. Hope tomorrow is better.
Love ya!!
Amber, I hope so. It’s a scary step but one we must take.
Hi Sonjia, So true and thank you. I always knew I had a problem but couldn’t quite figure out what it was till now. Today really hit home; especially knowing how badly I want to do this the healthy way.
BTW, I hope your friend does talk about it. Talking about it with Kama today really cemented what was wrong with me.
Nancy… all I can say is that you’ve been bottling that up way too long. It had to come out somehow because otherwise it would have made you ill. There’s nothing wrong or “weak” about looking for help. Trust me. I’m a new woman since I did.
Oh girl…i’m sorry. I know how you feel. Dealing with emotions are tough and we always tend to take it out on the one’s we love the most.
But thank god we both have some good men in iour lives who are willing to help us. You got a winner.
And i think its time for you to see prof. help. You’ve gone through alot…and girl you are strong…but there is only so much one can take.
*hugs*
hope things get better
((((((((((((((((((((((Nancy))))))))))))))))))))))
Again so proud of you and Rod too
SORRY YOU HAD A ROUGH DAY I HOPW TODAY IS GOOD FOR YOU AND GOOD LUCK ON THE CLASSES FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT I THINK MY HUSBAND COULD USE THAT CLASS …HAVE A GOOD DAY
((((((((((((((((((nancy))))))))))))))))
you are not a failure…..you have win many battles….be strong…..and…..don’t let the past hurt you nomore……you are a strong women….going thru many problems and issues….work on them one at a time….i love you
((((((HUGS)))))))
Awww girl, sorry that your day was so bad. However, I am glad that maybe this is your turning point. Your a fighter girl, I know with Rod by your side, you will make it through this. Good luck with your classes.
Sends a mental thank you to Kama for being the angel that you needed.
I hope you are having a better day. I remember getting really upset the first time the lunch class at work was cancelled. Nowadays, I just plan on the fly, substituting one work-out for another if need be. Sometimes though it’s good to let it out. I am glad you are going to a class, it will definetly have interesting info. Sometimes we think we know things, but… I signed up fpr a nutrition class at work - who knows, maybe I will get something I didn’t know out of it!
sorry ur day didnt go as planned :>( i hope today is better ! your motivation / commentment for exercise really inspires me ! u do a great job
I hope you do realize that you are not a complete failure at life!! If you’re a complete failure, how is it you’ve lost all the weight you have, become such an inspiration to so many of us, you have a fantastic boyfriend that loves you no matter what AND he’s willing to go to anger management classes with you!! Now come on lady.. pull yourself up by your bootsrtaps, clip on the IPod and get your butt back in gear. Like Leida said, you should maybe start habing alternate workout plans, just in case.. you never know when the car might have issues and it can’t be helped that Rod isn’t there to get you. Do like you did yesterday. Go for a run. Bet it felt good! Ok.. now I’ve rambled on enough.. I’ll talk to you more later on. Love you so much girl!! Big hugs!! (((((((((((Nancy))))))))))))))
Oh when the hunnies make us go bonkers. I never had anger until I met my boyfriend.. odd, right? I love him, and we have been together for a long time, but because of our situation (the things we cannot control right now- money, acting gigs, etc) we both get raged up so easily. Oh I hate arguing with him and being mean, but sometimes I feel like I can’t control my emotions when something stupid turns into something bigger over nothing. It’s oh so frustrating. I hope you have a better day, and know that we are all here for you. : )
Oh my gosh you poor thing. What a crazy horrible day.
I know you don’t feel strong but you ARE and you can get through this. Your only human and can take so much. We ALL LOVE YOU GIRL!
I think your self awareness is wonderful and another form of what you can control. I hope you’re having a better day and you’re an inspiration with what you’ve accomplished weight loss wise!
Well, sometimes we just have to take help from others even if we don’t want to
All the issues you have or had to deal with and never really did, I think getting professional help is a great idea. Wish you the best of luck hun! You and Rod will work thru this 
Love ya still… angry or not ;)((HUGS))
lol.. I’m sorry I know this is serious, but I just have to laugh about it… You got all worked up because you couldn’t go to the gym? I’m sorry I know it’s very emotional. And I agree anger management classes is probably going to help you.
Your story reminds me of something I would do and then look back on it and thing “why the hell did I act that way?”
You need to cool down and think about what is making you so angry… And is it worth potentially losing Rod over it?
That’s great that both of you are going to be going to the anger management classes… That’s the best way to do it!
You are so strong to have gone through all you have! You should be proud of yourself for handling it so well up to this point. I might skip the anger management classes until you see a therapist though. I am in school right now to be a marriage and family therapist, and it sounds like you just need to talk things out. I would ask the therapist about the anger management after a couple of sessions. Not feeling heard, not feeling appreciated, and just dealing with a million emotions at once is enough to make someone blow up, so I would try the therapy first. Just remember girl, one thing at a time. You are doing great! You will come out on top!
That is great Nancy that you guys are going to go to Anger Management classes together. I really do think that couples who try to grow and change together are a lot stronger. When one starts growing and the other doesn’t change that’s where even more problems come into play. Keep your head up hun and I will pray for you both! I’m just so happy to hear that you are accepting the fact that you are slipping a little bit so you know the steps to take to keep on top of it! A lot of people don’t have that and that is when they see things to late! I hope your working out will help make you feel better…working out normall makes me feel better!
I sometimes feel like I have been sitting on a ticking bomb and didn’t even know it. You seem like you may be a little like me (correct me if I am wrong!) but the one who takes care of things for others and seems in control. That makes it hard to express my own feelings when I need to, and stuff builds up for sure. It’s cool Rod is willing to go with you to anger management.
Hey sweetie! Just know that talking to a professional can really help in certain situations. When my neice was murdered at age 16 back in 2005, I had no idea how to handle the pain, especially since my then 3 year old had no idea what happened to her cousing that she adored. Talking w/ someone helped me figure out how to deal as well as talk to my daughter in a way she could understand.
Things do get better, just take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
((((Nancy))))) Take care sweetie!! Trish
it sounds like rod really loves you alot, you’ll get this worked out. and just like you said today is a new day! keep your eye on the prize!
Hi Nancy,
I want to let you know that all you have isn’t only your routine! We look up to you for inspiration and encouragement. We love that you’re so dedicated and you have such a strong and good spirit when it comes to exercising and getting healthy!
I haven’t been back for weeks and the first thing I looked for when I came was your blog. We have our ups and downs sometimes (I just cried in front of the mirror without knowing what I was crying for last night), and we all get depressed a little when we hear things about our ex’es. That’s nothing but normal and that’s what makes us women special and interesting!
I just came out from a moody-period and I’m feeling perfect today. I swore I wouldn’t let anybody put ideas in my head that would screw me up! I hope you’d get better ASAP and tell us about your many-miles running, or 3 hours classes, or hundreds of pushups, or your happy moments with your honey Rod! WE LOVE YOU!
Hi Nancy,
I want to let you know that all you have isn’t only your routine! We look up to you for inspiration and encouragement. We love that you’re so dedicated and you have such a strong and good spirit when it comes to exercising and getting healthy!
I haven’t been back for weeks and the first thing I looked for when I came was your blog. We have our ups and downs sometimes (I just cried in front of the mirror without knowing what I was crying for last night), and we all get depressed a little when we hear things about our ex’es. That’s nothing but normal and that’s what makes us women special and interesting!
I just came out from a moody-period and I’m feeling perfect today. I swore I wouldn’t let anybody put ideas in my head that would screw me up! I hope you’d get better ASAP and tell us about your many-miles running, or 3 hours classes, or hundreds of pushups, or your happy moments with your honey Rod! WE LOVE YOU!