Stepmom syndrome - is it possible? Am I the evil stepmom in Cinderella?
Growing up I always envisioned I will be a good mom and I will treat my children like gold. Well, God did not bless me with children (thank you) but this time around I’m given the opportunity to be a soon to be step mom.
If I was a step mom then truth be told I feel like the evil momma in Cinderella. Why because we have Rod’s son for a week and will have him for a couple more weeks before he gets shipped off to boarding school in Kenya.
I’m not used to sharing I must admit. I’m used to having Rod to myself. I’m not used to all the DRAMA that comes with this child- he’s special need very special need. Some of you know a bit about the issues we have to deal with. Anyhow, when he does certain things it annoys me. His dad and I haven’t been intimate - should be a blessing, we have 0 time alone….he’s always in my room. Anyhow, due to my personal circumstance it has to be this way.
So I told Rod this evening - look a lot of the tension we’re feeling is from me adjusting from being a single person and a couple to a couple with a teenager overnight. I’m not used to it. I’m trying and I’m glad he’s very patient with me.
It’s like this, I have no say so in a lot of stuff…simply becuase be a parent or parentlike scares the crud out of me! I don’t know what’s appropriate to say what’s not!! This boy has special issues and it makes it 10000 times hard to deal with him.
What do I do? Keep mum and say what I want when I feel most comfortable about the situation. Thank you there is no baby mama drama as the mom hasn’t been in the picture since he was two. But the grandma who is guardian, well I changed my phone number so I don’t have to be dragged into their family matters.
Until I’m the guardian I’m keeping mum. But I feel bad because I feel like I’m getting upset over the stupidest things. THINK! He’s leaving for a year or so….must cherish the time we all spend together. Talking to myself and blogging like a mad woman hehe.
I realize I sound petty. That’s why I’m trying to make the next couple of weeks special for all of us. Trying - ok trying. 
Well well well. I opted to skip out tonight so I can do my 2nd two fave classes tomorrow - kickboxing and Pilates.
If I exercise today then rest must come tomorrow if I should do my abs, weight, cardio run and pilates on Thursday. Decisions decisions. Well, I can skip tonight. And I have a headache.
Accountability:
Breakfast: 2 serving of oatmeal w/ goji berries, coffee with no cream 250
Lunch: Green tea, homemade My style lettuce wrap w/steamed chicken thighs 1.5 and 3 sv of lettuce dipped in homemade fish sauce and peanut dip. Oh roast my own peanuts too! 300
Snack: 1 small pc of plain Angel food w/ a nice whopping of whipped cream - YUMMO 150 and a large Starbucks brew coffee w/ cream
Dinner: 1/2 an apple, 2 sv of steamed sweet potato, 2 sv of PAM pan fried chicken and 1 cup rice 700
DAY 12
Food Angel: She’s on it and winning
Food Demon: 0
88 More days that’s all! COACH purse in route
Exercise: 300 push-ups
I grew up with step parents. I hated them as a child, but grew to love them over time.
From what I’ve read from professionals, you should be leaving the discipline to the biological parent or their main guardian except in the case of endangerment to person or property. If the kid makes you mad, take it up with your man or grandma and have them address it. Be good to the kid, and over time (it may take 10 years or more…be patient) they will come to love and trust you.
I still see my step mother on Mother’s day, to this day, and I call her Mom, but there were many years when I was horrible to her. I hope you don’t have to go through that, too much…but even if you do, if you are patient, loving, and smart, that kid will one day realize what kind of person you are, and you will enjoy a lifelong relationship with a person who loves you.
Good luck!
That’s hard. Teenagers are HARD, I have 2 younger siblings. Just keep on going and he’ll turn around eventually.
I bet that is a sticky situation to be in. Especially when he is in your home. I agree with him up there though, best to let Rod or Grandma deal with it. Yay on making the time special. I am sure he will need this time to feel loved and accepted since he will be heading off to boarding school. I hope this move will allow him to work through some of his issues in a healthy and productive environment so he can grow up to a be a productive member of society for you all (as well as himself) to be proud of! I have no steppies but I always thought it would be rough on all involved. I have never had issues with authority figures though, so long as they showed me respect
I hope things get easier over his stay with you sister. Have a good night !
Sounds like you are handling this with style and grace! Keep it up girl! You are doing the right thing, the best way you possibly could be. Better to take out your frustrations on the blog than in a more embarrassing situation!
I also think you are handling this well. Do enjoy the time with him. All the best to everyone.
I also think you are handling this well. Do enjoy the time with him. All the best to everyone.
Why does it do that? I only want one to show up!
I grew up with a stepmother but it was easy for me because she has been around since I was about 3 so it was like she was actually another mother when I would go visit my father. She wasn’t the evil stepmother THANK GOD! I think in some ways you are smart by keeping mum yes you have no actual say in important things but little things you should be able to give your input or call it advice if you must. Do what you feel, feels right to you and if not saying anything feels right then keep at that. Try to get along with him since he will be going away and he is soon to be your stepson. Just because you didn’t give birth to him doesn’t mean you can’t feel like a motherly figure to him… I’m the daughter my stepmom never had and I know she loves me just as if she gave birth to me.
well im the proud parent of a cat…and pig lol so i have no clue to parenting issues. but it seems like your handling it well! have a great night!
Welcome to parenting, Nance… patience is a virtue! My son is five and he’s special needs, too. As in autism.
Truth be told, it was hard for me to adjust to becoming a mom, and a single one at that, but then finding out my son’s diagnosis took it to a whole new level. Every day is a challenge, a new beginning, a heartbreak, a joy. I never thought I could love another human being this much, until I became a mom.
Look for the positives and you may start seeing more of them
I was horrible as a teenager, I wouldn’t have wanted to be my parent or step-parent! The good news is that teens grow up eventually, and even I turned out okay (I think?) lol!
I’m not a parent, but I work with kids. Children are hard. Being tough is hard. No one wants to discipline or be the bad guy.
I know you’ll get through this, just a few more weeks. Try to focus on the good and plan some nice outings as a “family”.
Great job on food today, keep that angel going!
I agree with the others children especially teenagers are hard to deal with. You are handling it nicely.
I grew up with my mom and step dad. I loved my step dad until the day he passes away. He was a good man. Do your best and love him.
I think you are doing the right things at this point Nancy, and making this time special is so important to not only the child, but to Rod too.
Hang in there! Only a few more weeks, right? You can do it!
Good job on your eats & push ups!!!! WOW!
Your folder ate my comment!!!
I had a step dad growing up. At first it was really hard for me. I was depressed all the time and wouldnt participate in any family things. Then one day my mom and step dad yelled at me. And told me to basically get over whatever is making me upset and be happy! I did and I loved my step dad. It didnt take too long for me to warm up to him. He was great!
My mom and him divorced a couple of years ago and I still talk to him. I dont divorce family. Its not fair. And it says something that even years later we can still talk.
I think for your situation, the first comment was true. I hope for you it doesnt take years! Good lord we all know that wouldnt be fun! But just be the fun step mom and be happy! You can only fake being happy for so long before you actually feel it.
Good luck! =]
Few more weeks right girl? =p
I had a step dad growing up. At first it was really hard for me. I was depressed all the time and wouldnt participate in any family things. Then one day my mom and step dad yelled at me. And told me to basically get over whatever is making me upset and be happy! I did and I loved my step dad. It didnt take too long for me to warm up to him. He was great!
My mom and him divorced a couple of years ago and I still talk to him. I dont divorce family. Its not fair. And it says something that even years later we can still talk.
I think for your situation, the first comment was true. I hope for you it doesnt take years! Good lord we all know that wouldnt be fun! But just be the fun step mom and be happy! You can only fake being happy for so long before you actually feel it.
Good luck! =]
Few more weeks right girl? =p
Snack: 1 small pc of plain Angel food w/ a nice whopping of whipped cream - YUMMO 150 and a large Starbucks brew coffee w/ cream
Mnnnnnnn~~!!
Petty, no.. Stressed out and trying to adjust, yes. Some step parents take years before they get used to dealing with the situation. Try and stay positive… Enjoy your runs and workouts and try and get your relaxation time in… Hugs~
It took me a few months to adjust to being a mom, and I gave birth to my kids! LOL It’ll take time for you to adjust to being a stepmother (especially to a teenager who already has his own issues). I think you’re doing a great job! Give him a little time; I’m sure before long he’ll LOVE you! (How could he NOT??!)
I have 4 stepkids, ages 2.5 to 10, and there was definitely an adjustment period, getting used to each other, learning what to do with kids, learning what was okay to say and do, etc. Luckily my boyfriend was extremely supportive of both me and the kids. We have been a family for 2.5 years now and it’s great. Definitely expect some time to get used to it, and talk to Rod a LOT about your expectations, his expectations, how to handle things, division of labor, etc. Being on the same page helps!
Wow, that’s a tough situation to get in! I mean you normally don’t graduate to the teenager handling for good 12 years… Hang in there, Nancy, and I think you are doing exactly the right thing.
Everytime you are about to blow- step into the other room and say “3-2-1. 1-2-3. What the (heck) is bothering me?” Hahah… they taught us that when we were younger at school. But in all seriousness, I know where you are coming from. I worked for N. Illinois Special Rec. Assoc. and worked with children and adults with special needs. It makes it MUCH harder compared with ‘average’ children. So special needs + teenager = wow.. Keep your spirit, and get your energy out at your classes. Thank god Rod is being good with all of this. You can do it, even if you have to blog all day and all night.. ; )
Okay, here is my view…trying to raise a teenager is hard work. Trying to raise one that is “special needs” is even harder. Trying to raise one that isn’t even yours is triple hell. BUT, being a parent I can tell you that the most important thing between you and Rod is communication. About EVERYTHING! Sounds like that is what you are doing. I wouldn’t address things right with Micah, but if you have concerns you should take them to Rod and he should respect what you have to say and if there is a disagreement in something then you both need to compromise to reach an agreement. Hang in there sweets, it will all work out.
I didn’t have a stepmom, but I had a stepfather and he embraced me with open arms and took me as if I was his own daughter. It was great because my father left before I was born
So I had a father figure in him. I think it’s wonderful that you’re trying to be that motherly figure to Rod’s son. Who ever said these situations were going to be easy? I deal with it too, but my boyfriend’s son is far younger & there is baby mama drama. I adore my boyfriend’s son & slowly but surely his BM is giving us less of a headache. In time things will get easier to deal with because we will build the strength to do so. Be patient and DEFINITELY talk to Rod when issues arise. I know first hand that holding things in will only cause more problems later.
i cant imagine how hard it is , ive thought a few minutes about how it would be if my husband had a child with his x-wife and i honestly dont think i could of handled it . im glad u dont have to deal with the X that would make it much harder . u sound like a responsible person and i think it will all work out in the end . enjoy what time u have together .
((((((((((Nancy))))))))) and you were thrust into this with a teenager!! The best thing I can suggest is keep the communication open with Rodney.
You are doing well, I think
So many suggestions and stories already on your blog.
This is a huge challenge, and I have so much faith in you Nancy. You have so much love for all of us here at buddyslim….and you’ve never seen us in person (not that I know of) With your heart overflowing with love I just know you will do the right things, and Rodneys son will feel your open arms.
I was a stepmother to my husbands 4 children. Let me tell you….that was the hardest job I’ve ever had, but as time went on, things fell into place. I know it will for you too…just believe in yourself, look what you’ve done with your health and your body…YOU ARE AMAZING AND SO BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT!!! you can do this
Lean on Rodney all you can….back each other up…and you will be an awesome loving stepmother.
Oh,yes I can really relate to “Nancys time” & “Nancys & Rodneys time”
NAlan and I have to fight daily for that.
Love ya Nancy
Jane
I really don’t have a lot of advice - just sending some luv! If it was a younger son, it would be easier to adjust, but you got a teenager and that alone makes it difficult…I have had my daughter (almost 13) since the day she was born and there are some days now when I wonder who the stranger is in my house and where my cute kid is. LOL - she’s not that bad, but the hormone thing, the feeling for independence thing all that is going on, so I feel for you.
No matter what, I am confidant you will handle this like everything else you do - with style.
HUGS
I am a step mom. My step daughter is grown and no longer in the home but we ended up having a good relationship. (we’d joke about me being the “evil stepmother” and I even have the sinister laugh to go with it.) But seriously, there were many days I wanted to pull the hair out of my head. Days I wanted to understand her (complete opposite of me). Days I wanted my husband to wave a magic wand and make it all better. And so many days I wanted a clear definition of where I fit in (her mother would visit her enough to keep the pot stirred). I never got any of these things but I did get to fill the role of mom, I got to teach her a few things, laugh with her and just give love. Sometimes I still wonder where I fit into her life, but then I remind myself we love and care for eachother…what more could one ask for in a relationship? You are doing fine Nancy. Give the love and care that you have to give and it will all be okay.
I had a stepfather too. It’s hard. You will make it happen.
It took my original comment.
I can relate. Darren has two boys - 13 & 16 from previous marriage and we only get them in the summer and at Christmas. It’s really tough because when they first get here it’s chaotic and LOUD and frantic and intense. Just about the time I’m getting used to them and enjoying them, it’s time for them to leave. I frequently have to take time outs - just go for a quiet 10 or 20 minutes with a book in my room to breath and refocus - remind myself of what’s important. Put my own ego in check and remember to share. Sure brings out my own immaturity at times though!