What’s love got to do with it? Why mom & I are no longer talking
It’s 4am and I can’t sleep. Rod is snoring away and I’m up just sitting here in the dark with a million thoughts running through my head. Might as well get it down.
Everything everything! I learned today never to take anything for granted;especially love. Love fierecly, love with all my heart and never for a second forget that it can all be taken away in a split second.
Foodwise not my best but not too bad in terms of moderation. I am so glad all the chips are gone! I hope no one else brings more in. I just can’t help it, if it’s here I eat it! :( Just a complete weakness for bad food. However, instead of eating bowls or handfuls of it at a time, I eat some just enough to fulfill that urge to eat and walk off.
I got up late both mornings. So breakfast was later then usual. Sunday, I decided to do no exercise and just sleep in with Rod (well exercise in bed hehe).
Can I tell you, the tension in this house is thick as black smoke? My mom and I are not talking and have not talk since we had a major fight between Rod, my brother and my mom intervening a few days ago. Let’s say my mom, my brother was about to get physical with US, it was hard for me to defend people when everyone I love is involved. But sadly, I realized this much, my mother will never ever have my back. Her choice, my brother. I told her I’m not talking to her anymore. I only have to deal with her for two more months. That’s it. But it’s making my life here a living he**. I’m doing my best to stay upbeat and look into the future, a happier future…but I can tell it’s really effecting my mental state. I am done trying to please my mom. Nothing I do will ever be good enough. So why bother? I’m just going to be me and do what I want for my self. She doesn’t like it so be it - I don’t care anymore. Caring only brings me heartache. The only person who stands by my side and defends me is Rod. Never have I felt protected and loved because most of my life I fight battles by myself. Finally I have a partner who stands by me. None of this is easy. Yes, I know blood is thicker then water but how much can one person take? Tired of mind games, tired of people only looking out for number one, tired of people only wanting to do things when it’s in their best interest.
Therefore, what is this girl doing? I’m going to be selfish, and take care of the person least taken care of - myself. I can say I am not turning to food to deal with my problems. No binges, no outrageous eating.
Enough of that now. I just like having this all down. Perhaps one day I can reflect on this and smile when I have a better relationship with my mom. Lord knows, I try to please that woman but sometimes I don’t think I can ever do that.
Monday morning I’m eating dinner for breakfast again. Food cooked and ready to be eaten by me. I have my apples, my veggies, my proteins and fiber all lined up for my 3 hours of class. 1500 calories by 3pm! I can do it! Oh, Iwill have so much fun stuffing my face with good food. Weekends, bad moderate choices. Monday - back to square one and eating good energetic food.
Plan:
Breakfast: 2 servings of stir fried green bean w/ 1/3 cup rice, 1 fuiji apple, coffee and water
Snack: 1 cup corn, 2 cups green tea
Lunch: 2 boiled egg w/ tuna, 2 kiwis, 1 cup green tea
Preworkout food: 2 sv of oatmeal w/ gogi berries, water
During Workout food: 1 energy bar 200 cal, water
Exercise: 1 hr step, 1 hr kickboxing and 1 hr yoga
hey, sorry to hear your family is causing you so much stress. hope you manage to come to some sort of solution with it all: “we can choose out friends but we can’t choose our family”….how true that is. we wouldn’t stick by friends that caused us so much heartache…would we!!?? but with family it’s so much harder to say enough is enough….anyway….
good luck in the gym and enjoy your workout…im off for a swim now myself, gonna try and push myself a little harder than usual….i am back in the zone this week!!
take care
Hang in there, two months isn’t that long, but I know it is stressful for you. Work that stress out with Jim. Tee hee!
I totally understand where your coming from Nancy. You know I do. When it gets too tough, drop me a line and get everything out.
You have done everything in your power Nancy. I know how hard you work, we all do. I am so sorry this is happening. I am thankful you have Rod and that you guys are getting your own place…think about how awesome that will be!
(((((Nancy)))))
I’m sorry that you are having some hard times with your Mom…tension in the house can be soooo rough…I lived with my ex for 2 months after we broke up and I am telling you, I was never there except to sleep and shower cause I could not stand to be there and feel that thick air…but you are doing the right thing…know that.
And I am so proud that you are not bingeing and decided to continue on your successful journey…kudos to you my love!
Big hugs Nancy…hope today goes better for you hon.
HEY - i can see what you mean. Yes blood is thicker than water, what that means to me is when ur in the crap , or a member of ur family is in the crap, you look over the odds, and help, thou 9/10 they may not deserve it. As for the rest - the water - you weigh that up a bit more. For me I like to be fair to all that I care about, water & blood, but I also expect a level of recipicated, loyalty, seeing how ur doing. If not it becomes a one sided relationship dont u think. Ur mom, let her cool of, & u cool of. Agree to disagree but dont ignore her. Just dont talk abt subject in hand as u have and its not helping. Hope that helps. Im glad u have a solid partner.X
Ohhhh Nancy (((((((((Big Hugs))))))))))))) You know what I’ve learned….just like you have learned….some people will never ever be HAPPY ENOUGH, no matter what we do.
I’ve been trying to please EVERYONE since I was a little girl, and now I finally am looking out for myself.
Like you with Rod…thank god for Rod…you have your rock…your life partner, and I have the same with Alan. Lets both just lean on them more…they won’t let us down.
Love ya
Jane
Hugs to you my friend. Take care of yourself and live your life to the fullest. Live for you!
I’ve had a rollercoaster ride with my mom too that’s why I had to move out! When I did move out, it got worse too for a while. Finally she came to her senses and started talking to me again. We’re getting better…I just think it’s something that takes time. Maybe that’s what you & your mother need too…distance to make you really appreciate one another. 2 more months left! You have Rod and us to get you through those 2 months!
Sorry you are having trouble with the family again. Glad you have Rod there to support you though, Nancy
Thinking of you !
(((((((((Nancy)))))))))) I know it must be tough, I am thankful Rod is standing by you.
i have learned that family is who u surround yourself with, not your blood. my family consists of mostly those who are my friends and support me. its painful tho.
I am so sorry to hear about the heartache you are having right now
((HUGS))
Girl, you are so right….you have to take care of yourself. Maybe your mom and brother are just affraid of the future without you supporting them? They might don’t know what to do without you doing it for them and because they are scarred they react that way. Not really meaning to hurt you but just being really scarred??? No matter what, not talking to your mom doesn’t mean you stop loving her. But you need to think about yourself and your future, just like you’ve said. Nobody should be mad at you for thinking about yourself and doing what is good for you. You’ve been there for everybody else for so long, now it’s your turn! Try to take it day by day and keep in mind, you will be moving in to your own place soon
Great job on not turning to food. I’m afraid, i did that this weekend…with all my stress. I need some tips from you.
I’m sorry to hear about your issues with your mom. Family battles are the worst. Especially if you are a caring person, and all you want is to make them happy and for some reason it never happens. That sucks!
You have a great attitude girl! And I think it is so great that you have a man that is there for you 100%! That is an awsome feeling!!!
Good luck on your work out!
*hugs*
Hi Nancy,
I’m sorry to hear that things are so tense at home, that must be very tiring and draining for you.
Families can be so infuriating, and it feels like sometimes, for some weird reason we tend to hurt those close to us, say things to them that we would never say to a friend or stranger under the guise of being ‘helpful”, but it’s hurtful. This is my experience, maybe you can relate.
I hope that one day things can work out with your mom, but maybe both of you need the space right now to think, reflect and take care of yourselves.
I hear you with the chips. I just can’t bring food like that into the house, no willpower if it’s around. I’m so lucky my hubby doesn’t need/want any of that. He loves beer, I hate it, makes it easy.
Have a good day today, do your workout and food and take care of yourself. You are living example for those around you that need to also learn self-care.
Stay strong, you can do it.
are you the oldest? I know it’s like that sometimes with the oldest child.
I think a lot of people feel the same way you do. But you’re right. You need to focus on yourself. It has to be ME ME ME.
Good luck today.
3hours of working out! you’re AMAZING!
SORRY THINGS ARE ALL THE GOOD AT HOME RIGHT NOW . BUT GOOD YOU FOR STAYING ONTRACK . HOPE IT GETS BETTER. HAVE A GOOD DAY!
I am sorry to hear about you and your mom, thats tough, and i feel for you.. as far as your working out and eating goes you are doing fantastic as always girl
Hey girl…ya know the saying just like you had stated “Blood is Thicker than Water”…I don’t believe in that statement…ya want to know why? Because are you going to have children with your blood? Is your blood going to be your companion and live with you the rest of your life and help support a family household? Nope! Sometimes water is more healthy and better than blood…if ya know what I mean. So don’t be too hard on yourself for the feelings and stuff that is going on between your mother, brother and you. Two months isn’t too much longer to have to wait to have some peace in your life. Maybe you and your mother and brother will have a better relationship once they are moved out. I tell ya…I have already tried the having family live with me thing and it don’t work! We begin to HATE each other. Hang in there…stress-free life is just around the corner
Wow…. This is such a stressful time and it is so good you have your sweetie, Buddyslim and YOURSELF… You keep doing for you and things will be as they will be. Somethings are similar with our mothers - Sometimes mothers just do not know how to chose their daughters and I do not think I get this, even now. But you know, we are stronger for it. YOU Nancy have done so well and your Mother knows this. But, you are right to just know “whatever, whatever will be” . Continued success.