Opinion wanted *If your man wants to go to a Strip club what would you say YES/NO*
Remember Rod’s ex-girlfriend that’s also my friend? Last night we had a chat and I think I hurt her feelings.
The scenario: She and hubby been married for almost 4 years. The husband wants to go to a strip club with the cousin. She won’t “LET” him because she doesn’t trust the cousin and she refuses to give him money to go to a strip club.
At first she said to me I don’t have money to give to him for the strip club but he said he’s going to borrow from his mom and go anywayz. Then she said I don’t trust the cousin. Then she said well I should be able to go with him. Then she said I don’t want him to go look at another woman and be with them.
I addressed all the issues. Whether or not he gets the money from you or mom - he’s going.
Whether or not you trust the cousin is irrelevant. You need to trust your husband. Maybe one day they can go together - which I think is a great idea.
Whether or not she wants him to go is a matter of trust and faith they have in one another. The bottom line is I asked her “This is NOT ABOUT THE STRIP CLUB IS IT?” This is about the two you not communicating, which leads to internal conflict, which leads to mistrust.
AND BIGGEST OF ALL - she cheated on him when they were together for a while and he never knew!! - That’s her problem……she cheated and now she can’t trust her man because somewhere in the back of her head she knew she done wrong.
Whether or not she knows about the strip club - he’s going!!! She says he can go to the pool hall and any other places with the guys but not the strip club.So I told her the best bet, is to give him your approval at least, you know where he’s at. He will go to the strip club even after he tells you he’s going to the pool hall. He will go because he wants to WITH OR WITHOUT your approval.
See, she is mad at her best friend for saying let him go - she thinks the bf is not backing her up. Rodney is telling her to let him go and I told her to let him go. So she stopped the phone call at that point.
For me personally, I ‘ve been to a strip club for men and women shows. No BIG DEAL!!! It’s not. My Rod can go whenever and with whoever he wants (he won’t though) because he knows I trust him. Those girl have nothing on me. In fact I feel like I look better then them.
My question to you is….what would you tell this person in this situation? Yes or No?
Or if this was you, would you allow your boyfriend, girlfriend or hubby or wife to go?
nancy…i will let him go….is a matter of trusting him…and if she has trusting issues because of her own wrong doings is on her…
Ummmm.. tough one. I agree with you though, that it’s all about trust. I *PERSONALLY* AT THIS POINT in our relationship, wouldn’t want my husband going to a strip club, bar, or anywhere else like that without me, for the simple fact that I think it’s INAPPROPRIATE for a husband/father to be ogling strange women with a family at home. BUT in the dating phase, I think it’s IMPORTANT to let them do things you don’t necessarily approve of, because it’s sort-of like a test to the relationship. How much does he value your opinion? Does he REALLY care about how his actions make you feel? Can he go somewhere, look at half naked women all night, and not get the urge to cheat on you?
LOL
So anyway, in your friends’ situation, I say let him go if he wants to. You can’t stop someone from being who they are. If that’s the type of social activity her man enjoys, then she has to accept that, and either learn to deal with it, or find a man with a tamer sense of fun.
Let him go. I agree with all the advice you gave her. She also has to give him props for being honest with her. Tim used to go and here in PA, you can look but you can’t touch. Besides that…whatever…most of those girls are made of silicone anyway. Sounds like the bigger issues here are trust and insecurity. Good advice given to her!
oh….sorry for being so blunt about it…but my grandma use to say…when you think your man is cheating or you don’t trust him in that way or when you are being acused usually means you are the cheater….which in this case…she needs to stop blaming the cousin….wheather or not he will go…and she will have to live with it…and she should not make a big deal of it…hey she should even go one dsy…and see….aint got nothing to worry about it…
The big question on MY mind is… Why does this man need to borrow or get money from a woman to go to a strip club??! Does that seem ironic to anyone else?
At the very least, a man should be able to support his own habits! If a man wants to put a dollar in a G-string, whatever… But it ain’t gonna be a dollar “I” worked for. LOL
Yani - so true!
I completely agree with you. My ex used to accuse me of cheating - all the time - was faithful as a mice to his cheese ball.
Shaina - I hear you on that! LOL
LOL at ready2bskinE’s reply!
You know, if your gonna fool around, you can do it saying your going to the grocery store. I would let my guy go-because if I wanted to go to a male strip club it would be the same–he wouldnt care. I know my guy isnt gonna find some toy for the side. The only thing I would want is for him to come home and it be playtime lol.
Shaina I respect your opinion and so true. I have some wild oats of my own to sow; once I re-marry I highly doubt I would go to a place like that again. I’m banking on my honey being the same way.
Deb - I’m sure your honey is way toooo in love with you to want another woman.
Nancy you coudn’t have said it better… I thought by the title of your blog it was a ? for your man… I was going to tell you to go with him and get up there and dance (just not on the pole) see I would have told your friend the same thing. The girls there are not pretty when they turn on the ugly lights anyways she shouldn’t worry about anything.
Well if he wanted to go i would let him with many reservations ! It mainly boils down to my own insecurity and not being happy with my body and thinking that what if he sees all these gorgeous women that he wants to be with instead of me ? Like I said before it is my own insecurity ! I don’t think he would go though because he hates going to bars so I think that would be one place he wouldn’t go either ! Hugs, kimmi
She prolly is havign trust issues b/c she was unfaithful; but, my husband has no interest in going to a strip club (I’ve asked him if he wanted to go); But, also, I worked at a strip club, when I was 18 I danced. And well, a lot more goes on than just dancing; $20 can get you a lot more than a private dance… I stopped dancing b/c they were trying to get me into doing that stuff (I just liked being on stage). And, I am sure a lot of guys regret seeing those girls outside of the club b/c they were nasty outside of the club lighting.
Oh, and I dated a guy who used to go to a strip club all the time, and he actually broke up with me thinking this one dancer actually liked him. Well, when he ran out of money, he came crawling back… Didn’t happen….
Rob went to one for his friend’s bachelor party. Other than that, I would want to be with him. I agree that I wouldn’t let him spend my money there, unless I was going. However, I think if it was as extreme a situation as hers, let him go. It seems they do have some real issues. I wouldn’t have that problem.
I would say let him go. I’d let my boyfriend go, especially if he asked. If I found out that later on he went to a strip club and didn’t tell me first, then I’d probably get a little mad. I have trust issues with my man…he’s cheated on me and lied to me before and I would still let him go. What’s he going to do in a strip club that he couldn’t do at a bar or pool hall? Relationships don’t work without trust and I’ve been there…it’s taking a very long time for me to be able to trust my man again. But whatever, if he wanted to go to a strip club, I say go…hell, I’d even love to go with him.
Let him go! She needs to trust him! Does she honestly think he is going to get on stage with the women and start goin at it?? If she has cheated on him in the past, she feels guilty and therefore will never fully trust her man. In her head, she thinks that if she could cheat, he could too. But honestly, if a man TELLS you he is going, obviously he has no intent on doing anything wrong. If he were to sneak there without saying anything, then maybe, (but probably not) there is something to worry about. She needs to get over herself. If she lightens up on him, they will be a lot happier.
Let him go…a couple years back a friend and I went to the Nickleback concert and her boyfriend and my fiance went to the strip club…after the concert we all met up at our usual bar and finished the night off getting trashed…GREAT NIGHT!!
I really think it is a matter of trust. My husband had never been to a stip club until last fall. It was my cousin’s 21st Birthday and a group of girls and guys all went out to the bars. I couldn’t go because I was working. One of the girls suggested going to a strip club so they went. He called to let me know they were going and my only request was that he not get a lap dance. I completely trust him but I thought it would be inappropriate for some hoochie (no offense) to be all up on my man when I wasn’t there. In the past when I was with my ex there was no way in hell that I would have been okay with him going. There was definately a trust issue there and for good reason.
Wow. Yea it’s definitely more than about going to a strip club. It’s because she doesn’t trust him because of what SHE’S done in the past. She’s always going to think in the back of the mind that he’s doing wrong, but “handcuffing” him is NOT going to help. He will do whatever he wants. I’m pretty sure he’s not looking for another mother [someone who tells him what he can & cannot do].
I’ve never found anything wrong in going to strip clubs. I’ve been to a couple myself and it’s pure entertainment. My man has been once since we’ve been together for my brother’s birthday so if anything DID happen my brother would tell me, but I let him go regardless because I wouldn’t want him to try and tell me what to do. I’m pretty sure your friend wouldn’t like it if he started regulating your life. I mean what kind of life is that?!?
OH MY GOD!!! SHE JUST TEXT ME!!! Telling me how upset she is with me for taking her friend’s side and Rod’s!!
I agree. Let him go. I agree too about not wanting him to spend my hardworking money on it though.
She shouldn’t be upset with YOU; all you did was give your honest opinion, and she even ASKED for it! She might have some control issues….
Shaina - I completely agree. Anj said to me - that’s why She’s Rodney’s ex-girlfriend!
So Rod is calling her to talk to her about this.
OK…looks like Im going to be the odd man out.
Im not judging anyone…but strip clubs are not ok with me. Yes there are many reasons including trust and my own self image issues, but its not about that. Its about my beliefs and everyone has their own…again, not judging. If that is what someone wants to do, I guess they are not for me. I desire one person and “fun” with them. Not having the image of other people in my head in a sexual way. Guess Im old school or way out of the loop or whatever…but thats where Im good to stay
Hope you two can work it out and let the friendship remain.
Love ya girl!
I say let the man go - if he can afford it. The only thing that bothered me about the whole thing was dude had to borrow money to go. What’s up with that?
All a matter of trust as you say Nancy.
I really think there are two sides to this though. One, it’s probably not good for a relationship for one person to TELL the other what to do. No grown person needs permission from anyone to do what they want. On the OTHER hand, I think each individual in a relationship HAS to respect the other’s feelings. Like, if what I WANT to do HURTS my other half, is it really worth it??
Two people have to have compatible views on subjects like this. My hubby and I get along because, while I’m sure he wouldn’t MIND watching some topless women dance, he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, and ALSO he appreciates the fact that I give him the same courtesy when it comes to things that he may get upset about me doing. (For example, no chatting with ex’s on Facebook. LOL)
She needs to grow up already and let him go. I do however agree with whoever found it strange that he doesn’t have his own money. Ive been to a stripshow for women.. even been backstage (whoohooo, I know the secrets of the trade my ladies LOL) and if Bruce wants to go, well all the power to him, I really couldn’t care less. (unless it becomes a weekly habit lol)
If she feels she cannot trust him then what are they doing together? Asif he couldn’t get ‘picked up’ by a girl while playing pool. If you ask me the stripclub is probably the safest place to be because usually the girls don’t uhm.. go any further with the customers and don’t get picked up by them.
Anyways.. that’s my opinion lol
I agree, let the man go. You have to have trust. And you say she cheated on him? Sounds like she has a guilty conscience.
Wow, this has tons of comment.
I agree with you, I think the couple has to look at issues surrounding this and decide what is right for them.
Personally, I would not want my husband to go, but I would not control his actions. We would need to talk about that however and what it means that he is looking at other women in a ’sexual way”.
My husband and I went together once in Germany before we were married. We were both freaked out and he could not look at the girls…he felt to shy.
One of the dancers bought me a drink. It was surreal. We left pretty quickly!
Interesting question.
Samantha - as Anj said to me earlier today “only Nancy would do a stripper blog”.
With my ex I would say no. With who I’m with now I have a lot of trust.
Men are visual - what can I say?
Just thought of the fact that when I still lived in Holland, Bruce came to visit me and I took him to the Red light district in Amsterdam where all the scantily clad girls sit in the windows in various poses.. we had a ton of fun. I think he was quite embarassd but he had a great time. LOL
Hey there Nancy … Im pretty visual too LOL Don’t mind looking at a tasty guy at all!!
Karin - I know I have a weird mind - but I enjoyed watching both men and women too!
I would have a hard time with that, if my husband was hellbent on going then fine but I do think it’s disrespectful but I am super conversative…
I wouldn’t know what to say. When my husband and I were first dating, he had a good friend that he would go to strip clubs with. When the friend came calling, my husband would say no. After a few months, the friend approached me and asked ME if my then-boyfriend could go to the club with him. I told him that it was not my decision. Well a few days later my husband asked me how I would feel if he went. I told him that I thought it was wrong as it would make me feel like he preferred other women to me (this was when I was skinny and felt good about my body). But I did tell him that if he felt he had to go, then go, but don’t expect me to be waiting for him when he got home. I didn’t threaten to leave him, but I made it clear it would make me feel insecure and that I would need a few days away from him if he went. I know men are visual and I also know men need a lot of sex….it is in their genes. There is nothing us women can do to make our man’s sex drive any less. BUT we can make them NOT want to go to strip clubs by keeping them happy at home in bed! My husband never went, nor has he ever gone again. We talked at length about it many times, and I learned that he never wanted to go anyway because he would have rather been home in bed with me! So ladies, the bottom line in my opinion is that men oggling at other women is WRONG….just because they are no doing anything except looking, does not mean that it is ok. It’s NOT! They will then take those images from the strip club, and the next time they make love to you, they will be thinking of those women at the club and wishing you looked like them. Those thoughts will stay with them over and over. I think there is something seriously wrong with that. Your friend’s situation sounds like there are a lot of trust issues that are not being adressed between them. If they are married, he should respect your friend’s wish that he NOT go to the club, and in return, she should ask him what he needs from her to make him trust her again! Sorry for being so outspoken on your blog. I feel VERY strongly about the values of marraige and family. Take care and good luck with your friendship.
Tracy
Tracey - thank you!
I love your opinion as well as the others. I’m glad there is a broad range of opinions. What I want to do is take the information and have a good long conversation with her tonight. 
I’d say hell no, and really, if a man wants to hang out at strip clubs, we don’t belong together. I don’t want a little boy who needs to pay to treat women like things. I want a man who knows how to treat women with respect. It’s something I feel strongly about and is part of my philosophy of mutual respect in a relationship, and most definitely a deal breaker. I agree with the communication point, however; each person’s honest feelings need to be communicated in a situation like this.
Wow … what a touchy subject. Its real interesting seeing all the comments.
I guess couples will do as they wish. I seem to be in the minority with Debbie.
My husband of 16 years was invited with a friend to a strip club. Our marriage was and had been on shaky ground. I was so hurt when he said he was going. I too was very very insecure with my body, but the thought of him watching the women then coming home with that on his mind.
Guess I want total committment….nothing more, nothing less. Thats what I have with my 2nd husband, and my life couldn’t be any better!!!!
Hope it all works out Nancy.
Hugs and Love
Jane
My questions was going to be, “Nancy, has your husband lost his ever loving mind? Going to a strip club with you right there! Give that man a smack to the back of his head!” Then I read further on. My bad! LOL
Trust is the issue and nothing else. Sounds like your friend has a trust issue that is of her own making due to her past randy episodes. Usually those that trust the least have the most to hide. But personally, I have no desire to go a strip joint but that is my choice. Just makes me feel kind of dirty sitting there watching women I haven’t a clue who they are and never will. Shoot I don’t even look at porn on the net. It just don’t set right with me. I am no prude, I like that wild monkey style, I apologize for that, that was rude! But I do have my standards and women who do that for a living don’t interest me. But that is just one man’s opinion in the middle of a girls chat!
You are exactly right it is all about trust. My husband and I actually have gone together on a few occasions and it was fun.
ABSOLUTELY 100% NOT ALLOWED TO GO! I would never let my man go to a strip club now that we are together. He should have absolutely no reason or desire to go to a strip club if he loves me and believes that I am physically attractive. If he wants someone to strip for him…THEN I WILL DO IT! It shouldn’t even have to be an arguement for that woman…if she said no and that she don’t want him to go…no matter what her reasons may be…then he should respect that and not do it! Sorry that I don’t agree with you Nancy or even the other buddies…but I am FIRM with this belief.
Well My boyfriend has went to strip clubs with his friends. And this is when we were in a long distance relationship…
I kind of cared then, but I didn’t let him know. I just told him he could go. And I put faith in him that he wouldn’t do anything “bad”.
After that we went to a strip club together, and with some of his friends. And personally I liked it, But I didn’t see what the big deal was…
I think I might mind a little if he was actually sitting up front and paying the strippers, but he doesn’t do that. lol… He says why should he pay to get boobs shoved in his face when he can have that from me for free! lol.. MEN!
Anyways I think I like the strip club more than he does. He’s only been like 4 times, and the last time was when I went with him… I’ve only been once, and I keep begging him to take me to another one. But he says that he doesn’t really like it to much, and he doesn’t want to go.
I think if he wanted to go with his friends again, and not take me with him I would be okay with it. Since we’ve been living together I trust him so much more, and I KNOW he would never do anything to hurt me… And plus I don’t care if he sees other women. I mean he’s with me, not them right?
Wow, Nancy! You have gotten a lot of response to this! I see what everyone says and it is nice to see everyones point of view on this subject. I still think she should let him go, but I understand why people would disagree with it. I used to! Anyway, my real reason for writing in again is that I saw where she text you she was mad about you not taking her side?? WTH is that about? What did you say to her? Is she 5 or something??? Why is she being so dramatic?
The great thing about this blog is the great responses I’m getting!!
Sharona - I love that you don’t agree with me. Makes for an interesting conversation.
You know what guys - I may be playing a diffrent tune now - like with your help, to all my lovely lady freinds who have a different opinion- I can go back to her and really “listen” to what she has to say.
I’m going to encourage her to really talk to her husband and maybe get some counseling. This is more then a strip club issue. I would hate to see their marriage continue to deterioriate - all for the sake of their beautiful daughter.
The more opinions - the better material I have to bring to her.
THANK YOU!
Kelly - wow - I respect the ONLY MAN to face this blog and with that I thank you for voicing your opinion.
Hmmmmmmmmm, does that make me “dirty” if I go to one too?
Well, I guess I’m in the minority but that’s ok!
My husband has never been interested in going to a strip club, even when there was one right down the street from the house. And I have never been interested in going to one either. We are very satisfied with each other and believe our marriage is something that should be valued and respected- and for us that means we do not look at people other than each other with little or no clothes on. Anyway, call me old fashioned or conservative, or whatever, I think what we do in our bedroom can be as wild and crazy as we want(and it certainly can be! :)) but that is between the two of us, we don’t involve anyone else in our intimacy…so on the other part of the subject, I think she is Rodney’s ex for a reason and if she doesn’t like the advice you give her, she should stop asking for it! 
Well, it ate my comment LOL but I will just say I’m in the “conservative minority”-not ok with me. The last thing I need is for images of other women in my hubby’s head- he certainly doesn’t want me thinking of other guys either- it’s not a trust issue, because we both trust each other immensley, I just don’t feel like it’s appropriate. As for Rod’s ex- if she doesn’t like your advice, she should stop asking for it!
It ate my comment too! I love how much response you have gotten from this topic! I, personally, don’t think you are “dirty” if you go to a strip club (in response to your latest question) If you were to get up there and rub on the poles, that may change my opinion (eww, gross) but, just going to have fun and watch your man have a good time…that is okay. Its not like you are taking the girls home right? Just kicking back. Who here has taken their man shoe shopping with them or made them go see a chic flick? If we can have them do things that we like, shouldn’t we be willing to at least LET them do what they want with or without us?? At the end of the day, I know who my man wants. And that is all that matters.
Ashley - I didn’t say anything to her today. I was here on BS with you guys, working, emailing the tribe and wushhhhh a text. I know it stemmed from last night’s conversation, that is when she stopped talking on the phone with me.
I did tell her we will talk tonight - after I get everyone’s response here first. *being very diplomatic and adult about it*
I am glad you are being adult about it!
LOL, but I didn’t mean to imply you said something first…I meant what did you say back! LOL, re read that and realized how it looked! Hope all goes well!!! Good luck!
It is not my place to judge what others do. For me, I feel dirty and not at all turned on. The last time I went was about 23 years ago, I came in, looked at my wife and said “Thank you. You make me feel like a man. She thought it was images of the girls I was referring to and wanted a little action, she got her feelings hurt. I explained that I was glad I had a woman who respected herself enough not to show all the goodies and when she did it was for me. Ironically, years down the road she showed them to someone other than I and that is why we are divorced now!
When I stated I felt kind of dirty that was from my side of the “pole” so to speak! LMAO It is just a personal preference of what one considers “entertainment”.
I would let my hubby go. There are tons of half naked chicks everywhere. My hubby knows who he belongs to. A relationship should have trust in it. No matter what wrong may have happened. When you marry someone, you know that that person is the only one for you. God decides on what happens in life. Karma’s a pain in the butt, but what goes around comes around.
Oh and my hubby thinks people like that are dirty, so he won’t even go there. LOL
You and I discussed this already via our “tribe” email, but I still say let him go. It’s a trust thing. I don’t think Chris would ever go either, but I wouldn’t try to stop him!
I say if it doesn’t go against your beliefs, do what you want. I def. would NOT like my man telling me where a may and may not go, so I wouldn’t be telling him where he could and couldn’t go. If I really didn’t want him to, I’d tell him, and explain to him why I felt that way, but ultimately it’s HIS decision what to do with HIS time.
wow this is a popular post.
For me: I wouldn’t say No…I would say HELL NO! I understand her insecurity…but this can’t be good for anyone. Its not good for your friend (because of the issues she is dealing with and hiding) and the husband shouldn’t need external naughties to fulfil something that is obviously lacking.
Thats just how I see it. I know I wouldn’t be happy with my man and I am not going to lie on here and say that I would.
The situation is tricky to answer…because everyone has an opinion until they are faced with it.
The only thing that would work is if they went together. But I would never.
In regards to your friend….I really think if she feels strongly (for whatever reason) about him NOT going, then he should respect her feelings and NOT GO! If they were dating if MIGHT be different, but since they are married-that changes everything. That ol respect thing, ya know??
For me..I have never been, but would def go with my man-married or if dating. Notice I am single…so dont have no one to take me right now!!! lol! Now I say this at this age, but in my 20’s, 30’s-prob not…way to insecure back then!
Hope everything works out with your friend!
In regards to your friend….I really think if she feels strongly (for whatever reason) about him NOT going, then he should respect her feelings and NOT GO! If they were dating if MIGHT be different, but since they are married-that changes everything. That ol respect thing, ya know??
For me..I have never been, but would def go with my man-married or if dating. Notice I am single…so dont have no one to take me right now!!! lol! Now I say this at this age, but in my 20’s, 30’s-prob not…way to insecure back then!
Hope everything works out with your friend!