Khmerbeauty 1 Life 1 Destiny

Thank you Deb for the slap.  I’ve been whining like a kindergartner and even close to a tantrum.  All the why’s and I wonders is done and over with.

Now it’s time to take action.  Stupid scale won’t work with me…I’m tired of it.  I’m tired of wondering why it’s not moving.  I’m completely fed up.

Time for the next step.  ATTACK DAY TIME OUT OF CONTROL SNACKING!!

I asked Rod, what is it he thinks I’m doing wrong.  He said it’s the snack and incessant eating that I do.

SO we are attacking this on full force.  AND HE’S HELPING ME!! Which is a first. He’s finally accepting the fact that I am going to be like this and there is no going back to the fat girl.

The plan:

BREAKFAST   small serving of protein, fiber and fruit

NO SNACK

LUNCH  higher serving of protein, fruit and veggies

SNACK   fruit as carb for workout and small protein portion

DINNER   1/3 of my normal rice, protein and veggies

LAST FOOD   What I want but in moderation meaning protein, fruit or even oatmeal
PER FITDAY, I have to eat 1450 to lose 1.7 lbs a week.  I may or my not try this out for one week then evaluate to see if it worked.  I’m used to eating more food like 1800 calories for my exercise day.  This is a little scary for me to be honest.  I feel it’s a little too low for my activity level.

So I am also looking at Livestrong, I hope the calorie intake from that site is higher.

I’m not sure right now how many calories I want to aim for yet….maybe just eating better and go for 1400-1800.

THE CHALLENGE

Rod wants me to cut out all that little itsy bitsy eating I do outside of the designated eat time.  So, if he sees me eat out of turn $1 goes in my piggy bank.  No questions asked.  This means no taking two bites from his burger or 3 fries from his plate.  No eating my nephews food, no snacking on anything out of turn.  I do account for them each day, but it’s usually processed food and not good for me and always high in calorie.  No more mini bites.

There is no processed food whatsoever.  There’s chicken, fish, shrimp, small serving of beef.  I have my oatmeal, green tea and water.  There’s only vegetables and fruits.

No candy, no cookies, certainly no Asian dry noodle, no chips, no sodas but I don’t drink anywayz….nothing but natural salt and sugar.

It’s not too tough as I’ve been eating less and less processed food.  Hopefully I can cut out the naughty nibbles as Anj calls them.

OHHHH also took out my trusty scale.  I am going to use it for everything!  No more eyeballing it anymore.  Going to beat this sucker at its own game.

My exercise level is the same.  I am still doing 11+ hrs a week with kickboxing, step, pilates, yoga, weights, interval training, boot camp, athletic training.

WISH ME LUCK!

Deb, I am on my way to another quarter hon!!!!! whooo hoooo!

Today I didn’t workout; PMS cramping and aching body did me in.

So tomorrow is 3 hours Saturday of weights, kickboxing and yoga.

NICKY CHOCOLATE - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Nicole and Becky, I just created a livestrong.com account.  Same user name khmerbeauty. I’ll try both website and keep the one I like.  I just can’t keep up with too many website. Buddyslim is my baby anyhow so I won’t be active there but to take my calorie count.

So I have to find an alternative, green way to wash up.  Hey, use your imagination!

I hate it when………

1. I drink so much water at work that I tapped out the company water reserve and I just ate a yummy peanut butter sandwich.

2. I packed my bag to take a shower at the gym, only to find out the towel is in the back seat of my car…and I refuse to wipe myself with the dirty towel I just used in class….so I dry myself under the dryer.  Have you ever done the dryer shake?  I have and burned like 10 calories. hehe

3.  I have to wear my socks twice and they squish a little from the second dampness.  Need I say more - and you know I have feet issues.

4.  I’m sleeping and I get a tap on the shoulder……….honey r u asleep?  I’m horny…are you?  Ah, sleeping here - does the snoring not tell you a thing!!!!  Leave me alone!  Of course I play the coy girlfriend and do what I want at the moment.  Dr. Marc said sex is exercise!

5. I yo-yo, went from a size 7 to a 13, but still try to fit into a 7….and ripped my jeans in the crotch, the seams along the sides and the pockets. I should have taken a picture of the jeans before I trashed it.

6. Watch my tiny size 13 in GIRLS clothes cousin who’s 35 years old, eat a tiny bowl of rice, grabs her stomach and says, look at my fat!!!

7. I used to be so big, I tumbled off the bed when I was tying my shoes.

8. I used to be so fat I snored so loud, my neighbors heard me through the walls. Dem walls were thick too. sheeessshhh

Alright Friday is here! I am so happy it’s payday! I get to go fruit and veggie shopping again.
2 more car payment and my Lexus is paid off!!! Yah to no payment. Don’t get all excited, it has over 220,000 miles on it but runs like a kitty.

Last night I did not work out. It was more important to stay home and cuddle with my honey. This was a rough week for us, the roughest since we met. But we made use of our quality time.

Tonight I am going to do lower body and kickboxing. The scale and I are not talking. That’s it, I broke up with it too. No more use for you dang it!!!

Deb, 5 quarters!!!! Yah girl!! I’m a ching a linging along my way. See me flips them in the air?

COME ON NOW, LET’S SHARE YOUR I HATE IT…

HAVE A GOOD DAY GUYS!!!!!!!

NOT AN OPTION!

Ahhhhhhhh *tears of joy in my eyes*. I received numerous emails asking me what I’m going to do next once I hit (if I ever) hit goal. The main question, will I leave buddyslim?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

HELLLLLLLL TOO DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

hehee - See you can’t get rid of me anytime soon. I’m here to stay baby! Without this community there is no me. I can’t think of a better place to be then here. Each day you all keep me from going nuts!

Where else can I talk about my boyfriend’s peanut butta horniness problem, my stinky winky foot problem and passing gas….like another website would accept me. @paleessseee@ They would reject my membership on the spot.

As always, I need you guys more then you need me. I feed off your energy and I am in love with doing everything right.

Beating out bulimia, rape, molestation, war, homelessness…..are things I’ve battled and won. So winning this war is one I will win but will never leave the battle scene.

Come on now, do you want to here me say, I’m gone and come back 6 months later 50 lbs heavier?

I can’t do that. I have gained too much here.

With all that said, let’s eat some good yuuummmmy food, go exercise and enjoy life!!!!!!!!!

I was going to take an off day today from working out but I think I will go to the Athletics Training class. Fun fun fun. Can’t wait to get drilled out. Football run anyone? LOL

LOVE YA!

OH DEB! - GOT MY 4TH QUARTER NO GRAZING BABY GIRL!

How much in common I have with it right now.  Second time this month I am bloated to boot.  Water buffalo, I said to Rod I feel as big as a Water Buffalo BUT if he dares agrees or calls me one, he’ll be wacked in the head with my yoga mat….see PMS came late too.   AUNTIE FLOW is here with her assistant Pissed Mad Sad and Depression.

Why why Eve - did you eat the apple!!!! **why**

If it was any other day I do not want to move a hair on his head, but days like this If I had a shoe I would hurl it at him, making sure to hit some good spots.

Sorry guys……….this is me on a PMS roll.

Hey, it’s just a thought, pure blissful thought but I wouldn’t really do it.  Not a crime right? LOL

Ok so WHY MUST MOMS BE RIGHT!!!!!!!  I want to just scream!

I hope this is Miss Aunt Flow talking and not me.  As Briahnna is and some of my other buddies feel about the scale, I want to hurl mine across the room, stomp on it a few times and make sure it reads 135 forever; but this won’t be happening anytime soon.  I am also frustrated with the scale.  It’s like 6 months and I maintain, maintain, maintain.

I’m a fighter always have been and always will be.  I don’t really mind the scale, I just want it to reflect my dedication to this lifestyle.  hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhahaaaaaahhh

Whatever, time to move on scale - you don’t rule me and never will.

My thing is my mom said to me more then once that basically, no matter what I do, I won’t get much smaller then I am now.  At first I was angry.  Here I am, I lift weight consistently, change my routine consistently, do my cardio, my yoga, my pilates, my bootcamp and everything in between; maybe just maybe I’m not meant to be smaller then this.  I’ve changed my eating habits. I eat better then I have in this whole life of mine.  But of course - scale LAUGHS AT ME HAHA!  You ain’ sh**!  Scowls at scale!!!

Above is a picture of me when I was 15 years old and a bridesmaid to my friend for her wedding.  My arms, my nemesis - the very thing I’ve worked so hard to make slender - looks smiliar to that but more toned.  I’ve been looking at old pictures from high school, I must admit, I think that this is where my journey is almost nearing the end.

BUT THE OTHER HALF OF ME, the one not on PMS will not accept this.  I know I can go further.  I know I can get leaner and slenderize those arms.  I won’t let anyone or anything dictate how far I go.

I will push beyond my comfort zone.  I don’t know when I will get there, but I will get there.  I refuse to give in and maintain this physique.  I just want those slender arms.  I really work my butt off to get a nice upper body.

Well, only time will tell.

Well, Wednesday night - the bomb!  I had so much fun in both Kickboxing and Pilates!  Whoo hoooo!!!

I don’t eat fast food, well, I eat it AFTER I buy it for Rod. Like a few bites here and a few fries there. He east fast food twice a day and still weighs 170 lbs at his heaviest.

My observation: Have been to the typical fast food joints daily for the last year - BK, Carl’s, Jack in the Crack, Subway and as I watch these wonderful people work so efficiently to prepare his food, I wonder, where was there hands seconds before they touched his food? Other then Subway, I notice these places do not require their peeps where gloves. I wonder did they scratch their butt in the back room? Blow a snotball and wiped it on their clothes? Did they used the bathroom and not wash up? Really, how many food monitors (don’t know official name) can they have out there checking up on these places?

For example ICE BOX: BK, as I wait for the food she brings out the ice - manual feed! heheh. Girl has nothing to cover her body to prevent whatever is on her to not jump into the ice. Oh and no gloves. So then she set the ice box down, gingerly climbs up and starts - USING UNGLOVED HANDS SHOVING THE ICE INTO THE ICE BOX!!!! Scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I gulped! Boy, don’t want to think about it.

At Jack in the Crack I watched as employee after employee would multitask. One hand cleans with a cloth that I don’t have been washed or not, then same hand goes, pushes the button for the next order, same hand starts putting fries into a pouch and off to the customer it goes. Ewwwwwwwww

Just a few observations. Not trying to knock these wonderful bad for your health places, just another reason I WON’T EAT THE FOOD like I used too.

Any stories to share?

Today is my 2nd favorite day. It’s kickboxing and Pilates! Oh yes!!

I earned my quarter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPYYYYY BOOTIE BOUNCEEE!

I have a new love and it’s laughing cow cheese.  Yes, the commercials got me.  I bought a Costco size pack and it’s worth every penny.  Pure love.  I won’t let anyone separate us now you know? If I can have one low cal love it has to be these little 35 cal wedgies. It makes eating my apples that much more fun. I always look forward to my apple snack time. *Just imagine Homer drooling over food…that’s me right now!* Anyone else in love too or is it just me and Lori?

SO, WANNA SLAP ME ON THE WRIST? Yes, been with my company for 14 months and I finally filled out my Blue Cross insurance docs. It was made available since my third month but I’ve been lazy. Don’t know why I procrastinated. But here I am - it’s in. Got the PPO plan and just waiting for it to kick in February.

I love Yani’s blog about living in the here and now. Girl, I am taking that to heart. That’s what I’m doing.

It’s not great on the homefront. Honey and I are at each other’s throat. But we are talking, apologizing, realizing the problem isn’t with each other but the situation at hand. I am taking everything you guys told me and pulling out the necessary tools to deal with the chaos. All in all, we are all confused…….we just have to pull through for his son. I want to be a stable and firm foundation for my honey. Since Sunday it’s been rocky and I need to stablize it now.

I told Shanna one of my goals this week, thanks for a great blog Shanna, is to be a good listener. I need to stop butting in mid-sentence and let him finish his thought. I have my own brain and he has his. I need to be a good friend and listener. I will put it to practice daily - thanks Yani.

I am really sore from yesterday…no surprise there and I knew what did it too. It wasn’t the cardio, it was yoga. Ahhh my favorite culprit. I am sore and I loves it.

Today I ate very well. My assistant offered homemade whole wheat pasta w/ all veggies, I couldn’t refuse and had two servings.

Other then lack of sleep - falling asleep at 4am and waking up at 7am is not a lot for me. I am tired but will truck through today.

I have two classes, a set and yoga class to attend. I am banking on getting my 3rd quarter for not eating after 9pm Debbie!!!

LAST NIGHT’S BLOG

Thank you to each of you who took the time to write to me!  Thank you so so much!  It is going to take me a while, but I will get to each of you.  I appreciate the few minutes you took to read, digest and respond.  I will certainly take each comment, evaluate and move on from there.  Words can’t express my gratitude!  BIG HUG!!!

Today I took my sorrow and buried it into 3 hours at the gym!  It’s Nygel’s 3 back to back classes.  But before I did that, I prepared with the right food.  I knew I had to eat about 1200 calories by 3pm and finish off with 800 more for a total of 2000 by the end of the night.

I knew I had to get in fiber, protein and complex carbs.  I ATE MAINLY ALL NATURAL FOODS TODAY EXCEPT FOR THE TORTILLA IN MY ORGANIC SOUP! Oh yah!  I ate oatmeal, apples, nectarines, gogi berries, nuts  and more fruits right before 3pm hits.

I knew I had to buy an energy bar just in case - just in case 2 hrs into it I get exhausted.

Sure enough I did 2 hours of cardio, hard core and had a ton of energy then ate the rest of my EB to do an hour of yoga.  This yoga class is Nygel’s meaning it’s mainly muscle building (think of tri-cep push ups regular in between chaturangas).  I did 100 push-ups!!! Oh, and we did some in kickboxing too!

I enjoyed every single second of it.  What’s amazing are the people that came and hi-fived me for staying through the first two.  That was a nice surprise .

For 3 hours I forgot about everyone and everything.  It was me time and I couldn’t ask for a better way to end the day.

So, in yoga Nygel wrote something and right in front of class of 70 people handed it to me.  GUESS WHAT IT WAS???????????? HER PHONE NUMBER!!!!!!  She said you have to make sure you call me.  We are doing dinner!

This woman amaze me.  She’s 80 lbs of pure muscle; tiny 4′10″ Thai lady who has a rock solid body.   She teaches every format including Pilates Reformer which cost $100 a session and I can’t afford at the moment.  For her to want to hang out makes me feel really privileged.

I do have instructor friends in the past but we all went our separate way.  There is just something special about Nygel.  She’s my exercise Idol.  I want to be just like her!!!

Despite all the crap that happened over the weekend, I’m glad today went 100% better.

I ate right, will earn my quarter, will not eat the tacos and burgers my people are cooking up at 10 pm and will continue on feeling good tomorrow.

Tomorrow I have a weights+cardio class to do and yoga.  I’m on one and I don’t want to stop! :) 

I always wanted to be a mom; dreamt of it since I was a child. But for me and 31 years, it has yet to happen. I love my freedom from not having children. Case in point my sister and her two children. I get to sleep in for as long as I can. I have a lot of responsiblities in terms of my mother and my brother, but all in all I’m not responsible for someone from birth onwards.

I am so glad I never had a child with my ex-husband. That would have been suidical on my end. He would use it to be a part of my life and keep me as miserable for as long as possible.

To the meat of my problem. My honey has a child that was adopted by his mom. Long story and not something I want to write about at the moment. The mother, his ex, was only in his son’s life up till 2 years old. She disappreared. She lives in the same city but wants nothing to do with the son. She gave up her parental rights. She had “issues” that you know, effects the baby she was carrrying. This child is sweet but he has so many problems…problems that has come to light more and more recently.

He’s a teen now 13 years old and it’s been a roller coaster ride for all of us. He’s gotten himself into a situation that I don’t know if he can get out. Much less, how it’s going to effect him for the rest of his life. My baby tries to be a good father, but that’s hard to do when he has ropes tied around his arms. Things went from bad to worse. Let’s say the court system is involved now.

I am so confused. I don’t know what to do. For one, I am not a parent. I think that in itself makes it hard for me to give sound advice. Come one, would you a parent, take advice from a person who’s never given birth and a mother? So I’ve done my best….riding the waves of problems, headaches as they come. I sit in silent sometimes. Sometimes I speak my mind. But I feel so lost, so out of touch with what someone should do when their child is going through such turmoil and issues. I remember making a statement about something, I sort of dismiss as a big deal and his grandma, his adopted mom yelled at me because I didn’t quite get how serious it was. My bad!!! Of course I apologized.

Now, the son’s freedom is in jeopardy. I don’t know what my role in all of this should be…. do I stand back and say nothing? Do I get involved? This is not my child, no even a stepson yet and I have no legal bearing in the matter. And why should my words carry any worth? I mean, the boy doesn’t listen to his father - my boyfriend, his grandma or anyone? How are words or my actions going to change anything?

He’s been checked out by many psychologist and they can’t seem to find a problem with him. BUT THERE IS A PROBLEM!!!

I feel so out of my element. I’m afraid that if I say this it might be miscontrued and taken as someone who don’t care. I don’t know what my role is in all of this. A part of me wants no involvement. Yet another part says, you have to pull through and do your best to help this child. But I have so much on my plate. My mom, I have to take her in for more testing. I work full time, I have my own needs I must meet. I feel like I’m beings selfish, but I need my sanity time, my moments to work out and take care of my mental state. If I don’t I make just lose it! I can’t be that girl no more. I’ve gained so much strength in this past year to take any steps backwards.

I didn’t get a good night sleep. My honey has been up all night. I can’t even think happy thoughts.

All I know is I have to stay focus on my eating and exercise to get through this rough period. I can’t always be the problem solver. I Have to allow my hone and the other people to take care of this one.

I just hope I don’t sound selfish. I just need to take care of me so I can be there to help my honey get through this period. The future now is unknown. I don’t know how it’s going to effect the dynamic of the relationship I have with my boyfriend, his mom and others. I don’t expect things to stay the same. NO, not at all.

Hahhhhhhhhh * I sigh and take a big breath to release the mental tension.* Thank God I have a place to vent.

Tonight it’s all about 3 hours of step, kickboxing and yoga. I need it today more then ever.

Day 2 I win! I will beat you night time eating! I assure you I will come out the winner!!!!!

I got up at 5am to eat my best combo for my workouts: hard-boiled egg, 1/2 an apple and oatmeal.  7am got to the gym and did weights for lower body then an hour of kickboxing.

While waiting for class I was talking to a few participants.  Two girls said to me…you’ve changed your physique since I first saw you 6 months ago.  Really?  I asked because I have lost maybe 6 lbs since then but ante up on my routine and back to doubles and triple class.  She said she was scared but always wanted to ask me how I did it.  I told her about all the changes I’ve made and that in fact no weight has really been lost.  It’s all the core exercise I do in yoga, pilates, my weight routine and the different cardio classes I’ve been taking.  She asked about my weight routine and I gave her my advice.  Asked me about my food and all that good stuff.  So I gave them my recipe on how I did it.  Mind you, these are thin girls, they just want to tone up.  It was nice and I felt they really paid attention to what I have to say.

My belief free weights, body weight, machines - waste of time, different cardio routines to keep your body guessing, my babies yoga and pilates, swimming - a few more months…. and most of all LEARN FORM!!!!  I don’t care who you are, if you don’t know form and which muscle group you are suppose to focus on, then you are not getting 100% from your workout!

I had a great time in kickboxing  up until the stereo started messing up.  Well, as we did last week, we ended up doing it to no music.  Get this though, as we are doing the punches to no music this one girl yells out “SO THERE’S NO MUSIC?”  Asian Girl, I looked back at her and she had a stupid smile on her face.  Yah freakin’ Sherlock Holmes, can’t you see the instructor has been playing with the stereo for the last 5 minutes?????

Oh yes, I gave her the “I can’t BELIEVE YOU ASKED SUCH A STUPID QUESTION LOOK DUMMY!!!”

So I did my thing, hootin’ and hollarin’ along with other enthusiast - we made our own music damn it! :)  I haven’ sweated that much in a minute.

On the eating front - I stayed mentally strong!  My man came back with some burgers at midnight.  I told him eat it somewhere else but not around me.

Ate my needed 2000 calories no problem and last night I enjoyed to two pieces of chocolate I ate!

Debbie - I earns my quarter!!!! Day 1 = Nancy!!!!!

Monday is once again my favorite!!!  UH HUHH  3 hour block of Step, Kickboxing and Yoga!

Dear THORN IN MY SIDE! AKA Night Time eating:

How are you today?  I hope you are enjoying your time here in my life.  For the past 31 years you’ve been my friend.  You’ve been the one I turn to when I needed comfort.  The one I turn to when I needed a shoulder to cry on.  The one I turn to when I was lonely.  The one I turn to when there was no one else.  Now I tried to reason with you for the past 85 days.  I tried to tell you how, although I love you, I can not celebrate life with you anymore.  I was pretty gentle.  Thought of you each day, cared for you each day because I always gave into  your lovely advances….even cuddle with you a few times, darn it!!! Felt like we made love a few times.  But the last few weeks, you have been very forceful.  I know I know, you want to be a part of my life permanently……………..but you see, that will not be.  I have to let you go.  Like all of my love affairs, you are the last one to leave.  Why is it you linger so?  Do you love me that much?  Did fatty calves asked you to stay?  Or was it cottage cheese on my thighs? Did she say she’s gonna miss you when you leave?

Well baby boy, I hate to tell you this…..you and I ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Screw you!  I am done with eating with you!  You hear me!!!!!  *both fists shaking in the air*

I WANTS MY QUARTERS!!!!

SINCERELY,

THE BODY THAT KICKS YOUR BOOTAY OUT THE DOOR *Nancy*

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel so much better.

DAY 1  of DAY 100 again!!!!

NIGHT TIME EATING = ???

NANCY =  ??

To be continued………….

I’m so glad it’s of my chest!!! I begin again and will win this time!!! OHHHHH YAHHHHHH!!!!!

Like my twin Catrina, I had a great time in the gym.  Did an hour of pure upper body weights then yoga!!!

So 2000 calories of good food, no night time eating…grazing, shoveling food into my mouth. 

Tomorrow is lower body weights and KICKBOXING!!! It’s on baby!!!

FORGOT TO ADD ———– THANK YOU DEBBBIEEEEEE———— for getting me back on track with tough love!!!!! BIG HUG