I survived the “Killing Fields” to the Anniversary of his death
It’s been 11 years today since I buried my dad. Although he was my stepfather, he was my daddy nonetheless.
I was born during a genocide in my home country. Nearly 2 million of my people were killed by the hands of Pol Pot’s Communist Regime. We called the killers Khmer Rouge - Red Cambodian - merciless killers. My mom and dad were together since they married at 15 but didn’t have me till 13 years later. Soon after they had my brother, also born during the reign of the Khmer Rouge and living under their killing eyes day in and day out. I lost many relatives to Communism and to these people. I try not to think about it alot because it’s very painful.
But we escaped. My grandfather heard via rumors that my whole clan was next for killing. We escaped much like those in the movie “The Killing Fields.” My mom and my newborn brother, my father’s other wife, me and all my extended family traveled through fields full of dead people, drinking water filled with the dead, through mountains and into the camps of Thailand.
In 1981, 2 years later, we got our green card to come to America. My dad, failed the test because he had two wives, no go as bigomy is not accepted here.
SO my disabled mom, my little brother and I came to America with nothing but the clothes on our backs. My mom the survivor, did what she had to do to keep us alive and make a new life in a strange land. She met my stepfather, my daddy a year later. He became my rock.
He too is a survivor of the Khmer Rouge regime in a different camp. My father introduced me to Christianity and made a good life for us. Although we were never rich, on government aide, frankly because they never got over the horror of what they saw in those years spent under Communist rule, I was rich with love.
When he got sick during my high school years, I spent most of those years in and out of hosptials caring for him. I gave up a full ride to Berkeley to take care of my parents. Instead went to Cal State Fullerton. That wasn’t enough as he loss his battle to lung diseases at the age of 62.
A part of me died with him 11 years ago. Since then my brother and sister turned to drugs and never full recovered from losing their dad so young. I lost my father, my best friend.
I know I have to go visit his gravesite, but with $0 in my pocket, I can’t do it. Can’t walk in there with no flowers, nothing in my hand. God blessed me with a wonderful father. My boyfriend, is so much like him. In a sense, I’m finally at peace with his death because a piece of him lives on in Rodney,my brother, sisters and nephews.
Thinking about that great man made me realize how important religion is to me. He’s with God now, an angel. 
Rod and I are going to a 3 hour sermon on New Year’s Eve…..a new way to ring in the new year, with renewed faith.
Today I have a lot going on in terms of running errands and 4 hours of workout planned. I missed all the morning weight class but will make it to the noon one. Then I have a ZUMBA class, kickboxing and BOSU Pilates to do in the evening.
I think I’ll visit him first thing when I get paid.
OK, done and wiping all the tears away. Really have not eaten all day although I should after working out. Food isn’t satisfying anything at the moment.
Hope I feel better tomorrow.
Nancy-I am sorry you experienced such horror in your young life. I have no doubt it made you the beautiful, and strong person you are today.
You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight, as you are thinking and missing your Dad.
Love ya-Renee
Thank you for sharing about your past Nancy. It is so sad and so much to endure. I too am keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers this evening as you remember your Dad. He would, without a doubt, be so proud of you:)
Wow what a story to share thank you for that. I’m thankful that your family escaped, because if you weren’t on this site to share your great blogs and stories & to be so inspiring who knows where some of us would be. You are a blessing and I’m sure your father is so very proud of you.
Hi Miss Renee! Thank you hon. What doesn’t kill us will only make you stronger right?
Becky! So glad your Leroy is better and back on the bed.
Thank you and Renee for your prayers.
Briahnna, girl I’m glad my gramps got us out alive too. And thankful for a chance at a real life and eventually made my way here.
thats a very touching story , im glad you see aspects of your father in rodney
I am sure things will look up soon and you can bring him an awesome gift.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve heard of the tragic stories resulting from Communism. Good to have you here.
I am touched by your story. Glad you are doing well now, showing everyone that all the sacrifices were worth it.
Moms are truly amazing !
What they do for their kids is worth a Nobel prize every day !
Thank you for sharing. Wish you the best !
Big hugs Nancy
I am so happy for you that you’ve found Rodney.
Sounds like you two deserve each other.
Its so good that you can come here and blog about your feelings and talk about what you and your family have gone through.
You are one special lady.
Thanks for sharing
Big big hugs
Lori
Big hugs to you! Feel better!
Thinking of you today…my father died about the same number of years ago, and it is odd when the time rolls around each year.
Does Rod know that you think he is like your father? I bet he would feel proud of that.
Thank you, Nancy, for sharing your story. Just when I think you can’t amaze me any more there you go again.
No wonder you’re such a strong woman. You came from good stock. Love you girl!
Thank you for opening up and sharing what I’m sure was a very painful story. That’s what we are here for and I’m blessed to be a friend of such a wonderful and strong person. I am so sorry about your father honey, I wish I could have been there for you. You know, I actually thought about calling you yesterday and then I ran out of time. I wish now that I would have. (((((((Nancy)))))
Wow…what a story. I am sorry you and your family had to go thru all of that. Makes you think twice before complaining about little stuff. I am so glad you got away and were able to make a better and happy life here. Sending big Hugs your way! (((HUGS)))
Nancy–you have been through so much. You are amazing.
Wow! Without doubt, I now know why you are so strong. What a tough young life. I am so glad that you ended up with a daddy and I’m terribly sorry that you lost him in such a way. He would be very proud of you. If Rod doesn’t know how you feel about seeing your dad in him, then, by all means, tell him!! Love ya girl!
Sweetie you are so strong. I totally understand how you feel about now showing up empty handed…but I know and believe in my heart that he would love to get a visit from you regardless…
I’m so happy that you are going to spend new year’s at a sermon…I do it every year and at this point I cannot see opening my new year any other way…Its important to start off the year in the direction that you want it to go…and renewed faith is a beautiful way to start….
I know your story from the other night…but it is definitely one that I’m glad you shared with the rest of BS so you can get all the support that you need….
I send you love, light, and blessings in your day sweet one…and I hope your load gets a little lighter to bare as the day moves forward!
Love ya nanc.
Nancy…wow, I am speachless. My heart is aching for you and what you have been through. I am so glad that you see your Dad in Rodney…
Big big squeeze to you…you are truly amazing. Love you!
Thank you Holly, Tanya, Amber and Danielle!
This is my little journal/diary. It holds stuff that is only in my head but once written down brings me to reality.
Thanks AJ, my mom is amazing. I am truly blessed.
Thank you Lori! I’m glad I have BS too!
Oh MJ, Rod does know he reminds me of my dad. He knows how special that is.
Sandi! That means a lot thank you. Once you have nothing, everything is a blessing from the air you breathe to the clothes on your back. It humbles me.
Thank you Jill and Sabrina!
Love you guys
Anj! Girl, you should of called. I was lounging all day!
Journi, thanks for being a great pair of ears hon! Great job last night.
Thanks for the love April!
Debbie, thank you for the squeeze hon!
Beautiful heartfelt blog.
And you know… a piece of him lives on in you too sweetie.
To come through some of the stuff you’ve come through shows me a strength in you that is unmatched.
Whether you choose to visit his grave or not, just remember, he’s not there. He’s in your heart… and you’re memories. That’s where he lives.
Big Hugggggggggggggs,
Shan
nancy, thank you so much fro telling us about your experience and how you came here. what a beautiful tribute to your father. i am sure he would be glad to have you visit with flowers or without or as shan said, he is with you always. so nice that rodney, too, helps by being a bit like daddy. hugs and more hugs and then some more.
Sweet Nancy, you have been through a painful childhood. I’m so sorry for all the suffering, and that your dad is gone. I’ve always heard we woman marry someone with our fathers traits. Now I see it really is that way!!!
Ditto with Shanna and Anj, your dad will always be a part of you…it shows in your strength, you love for others. Remember he is safe and would be so proud of his daughter today.
Lots of Love
Jane
Sorry this is a rough time for you… I’d say go, empty handed, full heart, but if you don’t feel comfortable…
I’m glad you found someone who reminds you of your dad, must be part of what makes you 2 a great couple.
A huge glimpse into your amazing strength… thanks for sharing.
(((((Nancy)))))
Thanks for sharing your story with us Nancy. It was inspiring, and it shows how you have become a strong, wonderful woman!
I’m glad Rodney reminds you of your dad, and so you don’t feel like your totally without him.
Take care sweety *hugs*
Nancy love,
I cant really reply to this right now. Your gonna make me cry buckets. I’ll be back, love Debbie
((((((((((Nancy))))))))))) I had no idea. Thanks for sharing. Sorry I did not see this until today, my heart aches for you. You know your daddy is still watching over you as is mine. love you, Kama