Khmerbeauty 1 Life 1 Destiny

I don’t know what is wrong with me lately -well, these last few days.  Guys, I think I’m completely losing my mind.  Maybe it’s  TOM visiting me, maybe it’s the anticipation of the end of the year and not meeting my personal goals for the new year, maybe it’s because I drank so much water and tea my brain is waterlogged…I don’t know what it is but my anxiety level is at an all time high tonight.  I’m not that bitchy, not mean - poor Rodney, as I normally would be during PMS…. but my stress level is through the roof and just antsy about everything.

My relationship with food took on a different chapter.  Meeting day 30 of no grazing is weird.  In 30 days I ate after 9pm 1 time and that’s because I didn’t meet my 1200 minimum for the day.  Other than that I stay focus through all of Rodney’s late night fast food meals.  I didn’t eat a single bite of food; if I get hungry I drink water or tea.  I find that no matter how much I eat during the day, the bulk of my calories come from night time eating.  So for the next few weeks I’m going to distribute my calories in various ways and see which works best.  No cutting meals or snacks, just intuitive eating, getting the minimum amount of calories in for that days activity.

I’m fustrated is what it boils down to.  Here I try to change my habits, eat right, eat healthy food, exercise on a regular basis with focus on every inch of my body, make a connection between mindy, body and soul - and I still lose next to nothing.  Week after week I maintain and lose 1 lb here or there.  I talk the talk and walk the walk, why won’t the scale be my friend?

Ahhhhhhh, so after reading Deb’s blog tonight, I know I have to make one more change.  Battle the eating of “bites” that I do between snacks!  So tomorrow is day #1!  Can’t eat any “bites”, or take a lick of this or that, no tastings at Costco, no slurping out of other people’s drink, nothing but my main meals and 2 or 3 snacks.

So day 30 of no grazing at night and Day 1 of no grazing during the day.

I have to win this battle.  The new year is coming up.  There is no way I’m going into the new year a loser in my eyes.  My goal was to get to 139 - 6 months ago.  I can’t believe I’m not there!!!

Ok, with that said, here’s to a new Sunday.  I’m getting to the gym at 6:30 am so I can get some lower body exercise and yoga in before my kickboxing at 8am.

My upper back, shoulders, tri-ceps and bi-ceps as well as abs are so sore.  That my friend, is what I’m looking for.  Signs of a successful day! :)  I used it as an excuse to get some extra tender loving care from my honey.  Nothing better then a nice massage to warm up my muscles and ME! hehe

This time of year is the scariest for weight watchers.  There is just way too much temptation.  Most people show love with food.  Go to grandma’s and there’s food.  The office people, wants to kill you with food.  Our vendors wants to show appreciation, with food.  Our friends buys boxes of See’s candies and give them to us with love.  I think I’m going to put out a memo that says “CAN ONLY FEED FRUITS AND VEGATBLES!” AND “ONLY GIFTS ACCEPTED ARE FRUIT BOWLS, FRUIT GIFT CERTIFICATES AND FRUIT AND VEGATBLE PLATTERS”  All else will be returned to gifter or will be re-gifted.

I knew that T-day was my test.  If I stay strong then, then I will make it through the rest of the season with flying colors.

I’ll be honest!  I’m terrified of falling off the wagon and gaining all 72 lbs back.  Everyday it’s in the back of my head.  If I dare leave my workout and eating routine, then the weight just comes on within days, months.  I’ve done it before, gained 30 in 9 months.  I know I love food, sometimes more then my honey….LMAO….and I am really afraid of my lack of control when it comes to gorging, eating, inhaling and basking in the bliss of a delicious meal.

Ok….crazy thoughts done for today.

Today I  have some yoga and a date with the elliptical.  That is, once I drag my butt out of bed and away from the comforts of my babe.

Day 29 - Success!  Was hungry…thought about food…so I drank water instead.  Whooo hoo water!

I guess the excitement of turkey day got me so pumped up for class yesterday that I’m sore like a b…….

I’m so glad it’s all over now.  It was exhausting and fun.  After eating all that food I wanted to sleep but could’t.  There were way to many guests around for that.  It’s been a while since we played board games and card games.  Just like old times we broke out Yahtzee and UNO.  The new UNO cards are different.  What the heck is a +4? - that’s not from my childhood.

Lazy day for us.  We’re just going to sleep in and relax.  I have to start getting my push-ups in and tally till I get to the magic number.  Then it’s off the to gym for  some free weights and yoga.

I am very proud of myself.  I ate light all day.  I didn’t have time to go to Rod’s moms house.  I was too busy cooking here.  So he brought a big plate for me.  I haven’t touched it yet because I was so busy last night.  I at one plate of everything but in small portions.  Then I had 3 pieces of pie - which is my reward for everything.

Compared to past T-day, this is the least I ate.  Eating at 6pm made a big difference.  Usually we eat mid-day then eat and eat again all evening.  I think I’ll stick with this next year as well.  I ate food all day but light and lots of water.  So when it was time for the big feast, I didn’t feel too hungry and gorged.

Honestly, I don’t think I would of controlled my eating if I didn’t have a place to hold accountable for my actions.  Knowing that I have to face Buddyslim made  it easier to stay focus. hehe

I’ve always exercised on T-day, that’s not new.  What’s new is the eating.  Wow, didn’t think I would have that much will power and self control.

10:45am update - already got in 1/2 my push-ups.  Going to push the limit and do 400.  Wish me luck!  Oh, no girlie push-ups for me - has to be the regular ones or won’t do them at all.

4:45pm Final tally!  425 push-ups!  Made the 300+++++ 125 more!  That’s what I’m talking about!  So I changed my title to reflect my progress!  This is the most I’ve done since I started adding push-ups to my routine.  Now it’s off to the gym.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!

My goal today is to send out booster notes to all my friends.  You all mean so much to me.  Without your support I wouldn’t be a success story.

Jo and I decided last night that we are going to WORKOUT!!!!! I’m going to my kickboxing class in a minute.  I’m eating my pre-workout breakfast so I can burn some mean calories!  I’m eating a lot of food so every bit helps!

Day 27! I made it through.  Although my honey was eating fast food at midnight and I wanted some, I did not eat!

LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO EAT AND BE MERRY~~~

THANK YOU! I am overwhelmed by the response to yesterdays’ blog. I sincerely appreciated each comment made. I thank each person who took the time to read my blog. Thank you also for the email responses I got with positive feedback. There is so much to be thankful for this holiday season. Let’s love each other, continue to support one another through this process and start a new year being hot mamas! I LOVE YOU GUYS!

I thought this year I won’t have money to celebrate Thanksgiving Day the way I have for so many years. But my loved ones came through and everyone pitched in money and supplies. We’re having multiple dinners here! It makes me very happy because when I am weak my family stood strong and did the damn thing hehe. Starting off at Rodney’s mom’s house with a to die for African food. Her gravy, there’s none that can compare to it. I think her secret ingredient is curry. Then it’s back to my house so I can prep for the Asian American part. Yes, we’re having eggrolls and fried rice with the traditional American fixings.

Catrina! Yes, girl I am eating to my hearts content!

Today I have a busy day ahead of me. A lot to do here before we close our doors for the holiday weekend.

I have a kickboxing and pilates class to attend. Probably won’t work out tomorrow.

Day 26 - it’s easier to not think about food at night. I think I’m going to continue doing my no grazing challenge until New Year’s Eve. If I can break this habit, then I can do anything!

Love you guys! If you are traveling, have a safe trip! If you are staying home - don’t eat the food - it’s for tomorrow!

NO - YOU CAN’T LICK THE CAKE BOWL! NO, YOU CAN’T EAT THE WHIP CREAM OFF THE CHEESECAKE! LMAO!

Someone wrote a blog yesterday that got under my skin.   I’m just glad I didn’t read it when I was PMSing - Debbie knows me - hehehehe-ROFLMAO!  Because she would of seen the Ghetto ass Nancy come out swinging.  You can’t knock Buddyslim because you didn’t take care of business and want us to play “Captain Save a HO”.  Some people, no matter how much you reach out to them, isn’t ready to take that lifesaver.  So I won’t waste my time.  This is real talk.  If you want my help, I will be there.  But if you bullshit, then step aside.  There’s hundreds more that wants to do this and is willing to listen to this community.

Six months ago I believe, a wonderful buddy, wrote a blog about what would you do once you lose the weight.  I wrote something like “To look in the mirror and love myself.”  She then wrote me an email asking why I would write something like that.  You see, I was in the similar shoes as the person who wrote that off the wall blog yesterday.  Even though I was down about 50 lbs, I didn’t LOVE ME!!!!!  I was new on Buddyslim and was trying to find my way around here.  But when someone reached out and gave me a livesaver I took it.  THANK YOU CHRISIE!

From that day on I started thinking positive.  Buddyslim, coupled with the love and understanding I got from Rodney, I am who I am today.  I am stronger,  I am free and I owe so much of this to you guys.  I learned how to be fun again and enjoy myself.  As I did that I continue to progress in weightloss and personal growth.  I am completely over my ex (crazy nightmare - 0 last night), I LOVE LIFE!! WHOOO HOOOO and I AM IN LOVE WITH ME.  I realized first and foremost, that if I don’t value, appreciate and make the girl in the mirror #1, I can’t be there for anyone let alone me!

So Buddyslim - thank you for the free therapy!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! UNLESS MY COMPUTER SERVICE IS CANCELLED AND I DON’T WORK - YOU ALL CAN’T GET RID OF ME.    LMAO!!!

Day 25, I was craving food bad but stayed on track.  No exercise today.  Rest day!

I’ve been up most of the night.  Poor Rodney is going to kill me for being on the computer at 5am in the morning.  This is the third night in a row I had a dream, more like nightmare about the ex.  I don’t know why.  In each of them he acted like himself; a selfish, dominating, overbearing bully.  I wish he would just leave my head permanently.  He is nothing but trouble.  So lately whenever I’m out I sort of look over my shoulder, half expecting him to pop up and give me hell.  So far I’ve been lucky.  Every time he enters my life there is nothing but chaos.  Right now the last thing I need is drama.  We’ve been dramafree for a while now.  Pray he stays away from me forever.

Due to finance reasons, I cancel my traditional Thanksgiving dinner; after being the chef for 15 years, everyone was sad that we have to split up and eat at our relatives houses.  But my cousin came through yesterday.  She’s buying all the food as long as I prep and cook.  No problem!  I can do this! :)  So T Day is back on.  Nothing less then a 23 pounder and the traditional fixings.

I forgot to mention in my last blog that I am beating the battle against grazing! Whoo hoo.  Last night Jack n the Crack was visiting my house via Rod but I was not tempted by one fry.  Take that you crappy fry!

Today I have my favorite kickboxing and yoga combo to do.  Still taking it easy with my right ankle.  If I have to put a brake on a few poses, so be it. 

Hope everyone is off to a great start this short week!

Happy Happy Sunday.

Ok, I got up at 6:30 to eat my pre-workout breakfast of water and banana.  But my honey has been giving me the cold shoulder all night because I was tired from  yesterday’s busy schedule.

Hahhhhhhhhh, so one kiss led to another then bam! Got some good love but missed out on kickboxing altogether.

Then I eat another mini-breakfast so I can go the gym next to my house for an hr on the elliptical and yoga……again… good love put it on me….hehehe.

So here it is around10:30 or so I ate yet again, 1/2 a croissant, 1 Krspy Kreme donut, 2 fried eggs with rice……I better get my ass to the gym in about 2 hours.

Nothing like fatty yummy food and good love to keep a girl from her second home. :)  LMAO!!

Have fun everyone!

I will get to the gym and be back on BS!

OH, MY COMPUTER IS WORKING NOW!  I GET TO READ AND COMMENT ON BLOGS AND THE FORUM!   YAHHHHHHHH!

My internet service at home is jacked for some reason.  I’m at a kinko’s getting this blog in so I don’t forget I worked out today.

 I hope everyone is having a great Saturday! 

I just left the gym.  I have a few stressful days but nothing like 3 hours at the gym to know it off its feet.

I’ve been increasing my weights….10% from what I did on Tuesday.  Not counting Thursday because it was a lift class.  I can’t believe I can do more reps, more set then ever and at a heavier weight.

 I also went to a really good yoga class.  I have 200 more push-ups to go and I’m good for the day.

 DAY 19 & 20 I’M AM SO WINNING THE BATTLE AGAINST EATING LATE AND GRAZING!

I miss you guys!  I wish I can be on here.  Hopefully I’ll have service on soon.

 CONGRATS TO ALL THOSE WHO LOST YESTERDAY.

MY BOOTIE IS STILL SORE FROM DOING THE BOOTIE BOUNCE!!!

You guys are so right!!!!!!!!! The stupid 10 lbs are gone +1!!!!!!! So 11 lbs gone in 4 days.

It was the water retention, constipation, PMS, bloating and who knows what else my body was giving to me.

But I stuck with it and just killed it. Not only that I lost another lb. Kama and Anj, I won’t take this loss until I see it tomorrow.

I don’t know what happened. Maybe someone did calibrate the industrial scale in the warehouse. All I know is when I saw the stupid number 159, I was upset and angry. I knew I was doing everything I was suppose to and when the scale did not reflect that I wanted to take a hammer and destroy the thing.

But I’m glad it’s all over now. I can go on with the rest of my day in peace.

Last night I wanted to eat after 9pm. This always happens after I give in just once. But I didn’t give in and did not graze. So here’s to day 18.

Today I have abs with instructor Chris (Kama, Anj and Deb) you guys know what this mean! Then Lift class and 1/2 kickboxing.

SCALE = 0 NANCY = WINNEEERR!!!!!