He asked me, why do you work out so much? Why do you want to lose weight?
I missed being on Buddyslim! I was so busy I didn’t get to log on and catch up but I’m back today. 
Last night was nice. My honey and I sat by the pool all evening just chattin’ up about our relationship, how well it’s going, the positive impact we have on one another and so forth. After 10 yrs of trying to get into an art school, he’s in and it has made a major impact on his outlook on life. He is so committed to finishing school, make his mother proud of him, me proud and becoming the breadwinner. Finally, he sees a real future for himself, the one he envisioned but didn’t know if it would take shape due to his immigrant status and financial situation.
Then we get to the subject of my weight. He asks me why I want to lose weight? Why is it that I feel I have to look a certain way? Why do I feel the need to exercise so much? I told him it’s because I want to lose 20 more lbs. He tells me, something similar to what my mom said, that I won’t lose that much more because of my body phsyique. It disheartened me a bit but I dismissed it. I won’t allow anyone to deter me from reaching goal.
I thought more about it this morning - it’s more then about losing 20 lbs….it’s about me being true to myself.
Yesterday was my day off from working out and it felt weird. I felt off track, like I forgot to do something all day. I love my routine, I love what I do. I’m so used to doing things for everyone else but myself. So the few hourse I spend in the gym is solely for me. I disappear into my own world, I focus on nothing but what I’m doing at the moment. When I exercise, I’m in control….when a person like me who rarely took control of life, being in control of my body is powerful. I carry that attitude into other aspects of life too now. I am learning how to say no and not feel guilty. I can look people square in the eye and tell them how I feel; whereas before I would keep my opinions to myself. To me exercise was my lifesaver when I felt lost before my divorce. Now, it’s my friend, the thing that makes me happy. So to my honey, as much as I love you, I will not back down from the thing I know is going to help lengthen my life, keep me young and healthy.
I’m still puzzeled as to why he does not want me to lose weight. Oh well, to each his own. I have to do what makes me happy and that’s all that matters in my world. He loves me regardless but sometimes I wish he would stop using a double edgesword on me when it comes to my weight. Let me lose weight in peace.
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That’s right - just keep doing what your doing and don’t mind what others has to say - may be hard when it’s the BF and mom, but you are your own person.
You do what you need to do for you. That is what’s important.
My husband used to constently tell me I don’t need to lose wieght, he loves me the way I am, loves my body, why don’t I just learn to love my body…..and it goes on…
But, I didn’t want to love it the way it was and is. I want something different for myself. I don’t want to be a size 0 but a smaller size and healthier body than what I have now would be a wonderful accomplishment for me. Not to mention the way I feel after working out and eating right. I’m on a high and I love that feeling. I’m setting a good example for my children. I want to feel good and sexy in my clothes. I want to live longer. And it just makes me happy.
I agree, lose weight for you.
Yes, you’re right - I’m doing this for me and it is the most important factor. Thank you. I don’t want to be a size 0 either, I’m happy with a 5/7, just a dozen or so more and I’m there.
Just keep doing your thing girl. Make you happy first. Sounds like you know what you’re doing and motivated to keep at it.
I love your positive attitude.
I agree with the others, do you and the rest will follow.
I got it, been keepin’at it. He just misses the bigger me and tells me all the time. Although the bigger me would continue to get bigger and that’s not what I want.
Thanks.
sounds like you know what you want and are going for it! congrats to you on this and to your hubby on art school! that rocks. The weight thing for him could be a fear-based reaction - if you get too hot, will you leave him? could be an insecurity. or maybe he and mom are worried about your health. who knows, but you take care of yourself and that’s what matters
I really loved your blog - especially when you said how you dissapear into your own world, being in control, and feeling off track on your day off. I love it because I feel many of the same emotions too. You have such a positive and enthusiastic spirit - keep up the good work, and don’t let anyone deter you from your goals. Although your hubby probably just meant that you’re already beautiful and perfect to him, and that’s why he doesn’t understand why you’d want to loose weight and be even more beautiful
Keep at it for you, and you’ll get exactly what you want.
Thanks for your blog - have a wonderful day!
I no how u feel about the whole bf thing. Weve had fight’s now more than ever since losing weight. U R doing this 4 u, and u have to constantly remind urself that & not get thrown off track. As far as ur figure goes, they all told me that when I was 190lbs… now I’m 127 and the fat is practically gone, your body does adjust to ur weight loss. I’ve always been big boned and now I look like an olympian..lol.. Well, close 2 it. If its’ bone structure, it will change shape… think about this… when a woman get’s pregnant, the spine actually invert’s to hold the weight of the baby, afterwards, it slowly goes back to it’s original shape… our muscles change to fit the environment it is in. no worries.. ull b fine… Gud luk…
Thanks Mel, We’ve had many “discussions” about my weightloss. He was against it from day one. He loved the girl he met at 180 lbs but I’m not.
Congrats on getting to 127. Good job!
Thank you Jen, you’re so sweet. He does tell me I’m beautiful just the way I am but he can’t convince me otherwise unless I believe it. He does think I’m perfect in his eyes but I see all my flaws. He is loving and makes me his Queen everyday - that is until it comes to my weight. To him I’m too small already but in my eyes I have ways to go.
Hey girl,
Wow, I feel for you… You have done a great thing for yourself by accomplishing what you set out to do… Now you know that not only can you do it, but you can do more. You have had a glimpse of your inner strength by getting as far as you have. Never let anyone tell you what your boundaries are and how much weight you can lose as they are 100% wrong! Look at Mariah Carey she is a big boned woman but she is size 2 now. I don’t know her personal info or how she got to that size whether it be surgury or just exercise but so what. I am sure people told her the same thing. I say when people tell you that it can only mean two things. 1) They love you the way you are and don’t feel you had to do anything more to begin with. 2) They are insecure about you losing weight and the confidence it brings.
Either way, someone that loves you will have to allow you to do the things that make you happy and secure for yourself. Maybe if you explain to him that you will always love him and he has nothing to worry about with you he will understand and also maybe tell him you love exercise like he loves art. Maybe he will better understand your connection to it… He also has to understand if you do not do what makes you happy and self confident for yourself it could potentially cause problems in your relationship down the line as you will be perhaps depressed eventually as a result. I have been there. Even now I get funny treatment about the weight I have lost… Hey, but I feel good and I know I look good in what I wear and it is an investment in me!!
I say keep at it! You are making yourself happy, improving your health and being a motivation to others as well. As for your mom she will come to accept you whatever way you are. She will have no choice but too. Nancy your great and I love ya!!! You are doing excellent!!! Much love to you girl.
Thanks Michelle! You’re so sweet. This battle I have with Rod started from day one in April and hasn’t let up since. It’s the first one, the one where he likes me for the way I am. He’s very secure with himself and he thinks that I have to work on my self-esteem rather then my weight. But he is helping me with self-esteem by being a very loving man and always standing by my side - until it comes to my weight :).
I have much love for you too.
All I can say is stay true to yourself and what you Know you need to do. I have the same battle with my bf, hang in there.
It’s true…you need to do what makes you feel good and healthy! I think that he is probably just saying that as a way to tell you that he loves you just the way you are and there’s nothing wrong with that. But yeah, he should support you in whatever makes you happy and healthy.
