Khmerbeauty 1 Life 1 Destiny

Sooooooooo, guys, just got off the phone with AT&T - guess what??? They took all of the international call charges off my bill - I am doing a happy happy dance.  For those who don’t know the story, a few weeks ago we lost our phone but we thought it was lost somewhere in our home or cars.  So I didn’t report it for two weeks.  Well, some idiot had it, probably pulled out the sim card and made $2200.00 worth of calls to Guatamala.  If you look at the pictures of me and my family, do you think we have family in Guatamala?  Anyhow, it’s been a stressful week for me as I have to deal with this issue and other money related issues. 

AT&T not only responded in the 3 days they advised they also took care of another billing issue I had with them.  I can tell you this much - I love the new AT&T service.  Even though I had issues here and there, their Customer Service people provides - Customer Service.  In this day and age when you get crappy CS at retail stores, restaurants and just about everywhere, this is the first time I’ve gotten back the credit I want and deserved.

However, lesson learned - freakin’ call the cell company as soon as you think you lost your phone. 

I feel great and nothing can ruin this happy moment. 

Oh my GOD, we just had an earthquake here.  I’m sitting here just working away and it happened.  I’m pretty shaken up.  I can’t get a hold of my family because cell service is down.  I hope everything is alright.  This is one of the biggest I’ve been in since the Northridge in the mid 1990’s.   Chino Hills is about 15 miles away so were close to the epicenter. 

I am so afraid of getting on that scale because I know the damage done last week will rear it’s ugly head.  So, instead of focusing on the scale I am focusing on eating right and getting back to my workout routine.

I went to the gym yesterday and got in some upper body sculpting and kickboxing in.  I was so glad 5 days of no exercise did not effect my stamina or endurance level in class.  I wanted to go to yoga but ended up getting into a heated conversation with my honey so we stayed home and made up.  

Today, I have a kickboxing and yoga class to go to.  In the meantime I have a lot of protein and complex carb food lined up.  I have to get back to drinking my water.  And I have to start eating about 1500 calories a day.  

Hopefully by Friday I would have a 1 lb lose - not asking for too much, just one lb.    

On another note, when I was editing my pictures from my time with my relatives, I found myself obsessing over different body parts, wondering why I can’t be as skinny as the rest of my family, wondering why my upper body is bigger then everyone else……etc…. but for once in my life, I am embracing all of me - the good and the bad.  So what if my arms are big?  I’m working on them and hopefully with a 20 lb weight loss they will be the size and shape I want.  I have to love every part of me because God made me beautiful and I know I am.  Not vain, just trying to really accept me for me and love everything.  I’ve lived too many years not loving myself. 

My daily goal from this day forward:

To look in the mirror and truly love me for the person I see and for who I am inside - all of me because I am beautiful.  I have to believe it because if I don’t, then no one else will. 

New positive attitude = weight loss

Food Log

Exercise Log

Last week was horrible. I had so many things going on that I did not work out since Tuesday; but I don’t feel too bad about it. I ‘m glad I took a break. Sunday morning I have a kickboxing and yoga class to kick off the new week. Goal for next week is to get back on track.

I took Friday off to spend time with my relatives visiting from Utah. We ended up going to two clubs last night. We started the night off with partying at my house. Drinks were free flowing and I had a couple Heiniken.

We took some pictures at home. It was a hot night so we were sweating like pigs.

Then we went to V20 in Long Beach and got in as VIP, my brother’s best friend works there. It was packed, music was bumpin and there we had more to drink.

Reason being, we got kicked out, or my youngest sister got kicked out for getting a bit too drunk and we had to leave. We then went to a Cambodian club and danced a few more hours before leaving. It’s the longest night for me in a while. Only bad thing that happened was on the way home we went to Jack in the crack. I ate like a pig but I was tired and didn’t care at that point.

My relatives are visiting from Utah - 17 of them.  We were all busy but hungry.  So we had a korean bbq style close to midnight last night.  I was a bit tired and worn out, it was hard trying to figure out which cousin was which.  It was nice seeing them - some I have not seen in 15 years.  We took a ton of pictures and I didn’t realize I looked that haggard, but pics are pics so I posted some.  The one attached are of some of my cousins and nephews, my brother and sister.

 I have not exercise in two days but feel great.  I really needed a break from it and because I have so many visitors I don’t have the time.  Today I have to go shopping for an outfit for the club on Friday night so no gym for me.  I’ve increased my calorie intake to about 1500 and feel much better.  I know I wasn’t eating enough.  I ate some of the food last night but all protein and don’t feel guilty about it.

 Today is my last day working so I won’t be on here until Monday. 

You know, today was a crazy one.  Back track 2 weeks ago my boyfriend lost our cell phone but I thought we lost it somewhere in our house or cars.  Because the phone has been having tech issues, I thought maybe I could hold off call it in to AT&T for suspension.  Which was not smart.  Because here it is two weeks later and I called it in to find out whoever found the phone had no heart.  They ran up my bill to $2200.00 worth of international calls.  AT&T may or may not help me out with removing the charges; I won’t know for a few stressful days.  But the thing is, when I first heard this I turned to my old self, I panicked, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted to leave work….but after getting off the phone with AT&T, forcing myself to work the last few hours have been therapuetic.  I thought to myself, what would a buddy on BS do if they were in my shoes?  What would they tell me if I went online and told them how stupid I feel?  After thinking about if for a while, I calmed down, the stress is almost gone and here I am levelheaded again.

If AT&T does not remove the charge, I will talk to them and see if they will work with me on a payment plan.  Because I was the one responsible for contacting them when we first lost the phone.  I didn’t do it.  I am holding myself accountable for it.  I hope they work with me because I am taking 100% ownership for allowing a stranger to pick up that phone and use it when I had the resource to stop them for using it. 

Like my weightloss, I hold myself accountable for the lbs I lose and gain.  I apply this to other aspects of my life and I feel good.  You know what, I am in control…albeit I learned the hard way, at least I am taking responsbility for my actions.

Thanks guys for helping me get to this point in my life.

Goals to overcome Plateau:

-DON’T LOSE FOCUS AND DON’T GIVE UP.  A part of me wants to throw in the towel and say screw it.  I’m burned out on trying to eat right.  Exercising is easy, it’s the constant need to account for everything I eat that is getting the best of me.
-Eating 1300 to 1500 on days I workout, like today with 3 classes or more????????. Eat 1200 on off days.
-Drink a cup of cranberry juice a day but I don’t like the fact it has 30 gms of carbs per serving. 
-Eat protein and carbs in the morning.  Only carb I’ll eat at night is a cup of rice with my chicken. 
-Eat more veggies
-Exercise every morning.  I’ve been skipping a few morning workouts the last two weeks because I’ve been lazy; although I did take afternoon classes I always felt guilty.
-Give 100% of myself

Truth be told I don’t know if I can do this, do anything right anymore.  It’s my living situation that is draining me to bits.  We’re getting out own place and all but a part of me is sooooo sad and feel sooo guilty about leaving.  I feel like a failure to leave my mom behind for my brother to take care of her.  I feel like I failed as the eldest daughter.  But as Rodney pointed out I’ve lived in a state of pschological abuse and emotional abuse by my own mom.  I deserve to live in harmony, in peace and to cut all the drama out.  I can’t save anyone if I can’t save myself.  My mom uses fear, intimidation, guilt, control to keep her children close.  I am an adult, but with her I feel like I’m 5.  I love them all, my brothers and my mom, but I have to let go and move on to do my own thing and make it on my own.  But I can’t live with all the stress, the burden of taking care of grown ass adults who is taking complete advantage of me and shows 0 respect.  For too long my mom dominated my life and I have to break free.  I’m just rambling now.  Gotta stop. 

This is the first time since April that I considered quitting Buddyslim and hide in my safe shell again.  My shell is safe and noone can hurt, emotionally, physically, and mentally. 

You got it!  I am wearing dem jeans in the pic.  They fit, zips up and are comfortable.  As much as I hate the scale, my clothes tells me I’m a size 7.  My cousins are coming end of next week for a visit.  This is the smallest they’ve seen me.  But being around 5 twiggy like girls who weighs under 110 lbs does nothing for my self esteem.  But this time around I know I look good and feel much better about myself.  But they are family and they will love me regardless.  

Food Log

Exercise Log

After almost 3 weeks of eating right it came crashing down big time last night.  I was a bit prepared; I knew it was lurking somewhere and it was a matter of time before it reared it’s ugly head.

Despite planning my evening meal with 2 light meals, temptation played a role in my demise.   After 45 min. on the elliptical, I bought steamed fish to go with my rice.  Got home and ate that as it’s a planned dinner.  But between that and my last meal I ate a fried Asian dessert, just one - in the past I can eat 4 or 5 in one sitting.  I forgot that today the apt. complex manager was buying the tenants pizza.  So what do I do?  Yep, had a slice.  Then I eat my planned 2nd meal of rice and beef soup.  Do I stop?  NOOOOOOOO, so Rodney comes home at 9:30 and he has a lot of Chinese food - rice and BBQ pork.  Of course I ate some.  This is the first time I ate a meal after 8pm but the point is I fell off the wagon. 

I don’t feel too bad about it because I needed a day of trying to stay on plan and what not but I didn’t want to eat that much food.

I don’t give up easily because I knew Friday was around the corner.   This morning got up and went to my 5:45am kickboxing class and amped that up a bit.  Then I did 25 min. of morning yoga.  To offsett the fatty food from last night I’ll eat an extra serving of nonfat yogurt.  I will also do some cardio and finish it off with my yoga class.

 Losing weight, staying healthy, eating right and exercising is something I want to do for the rest of my life.   There will be many more bad days but I always keep a positive attitude and tell myself this day too shall pass and it’ll be ok.  Just never give up and never give in.

 My moms recently told me again, that this is the smallest I’ll ever be and I will NOT lose anymore.  I wish she would be more supportive but I refuse to believe her.  I know I can lose more and will lose more and be healthier and stronger then ever.  As long as I believe in me it doesn’t matter what others think.     

Food Log

Exercise Log

  My gosh, so I was trying to find some more pics of what I used to look like because some have mentioned they can’t believe I used to be 220.  Well, here’s another one and SHE won’t ever be back in my life.

Food Log

Exercise Log