Nancy’s Weight loss Journey 5 Yrs & Counting

I’ve been on my brother’s computer trying to find pictures of myself before I started back on BS in April but I don’t have a lot as I shy away from the camera when I feel fat.  Did find a few and I’m disgusted with myself for letting it go that bad after losing 70 lbs.   Now 21 of those 30 I gained is gone - 9 more to go.

I was doing great yesterday in terms of eating.  I ate near perfect - had all my large meals and snacks.  Then my cousins shows up to play Monopoly at 10pm.  Great - so I ate, dried squids - not gross but it’s a very Asian snack - chips,  on and on and on.  I managed to stop eating but was still made at myself for giving in.

Today is much better. We got up late and the heat isn’t helping any.  I have to take a rest day even though I really want to go to the gym and do weights but I’ve worked out 5 days straight.  I’ll do it tomorrow.  I have not eaten all day but will do as soon as I get off the computer.

I’m hoping to stay within calories and eat right.  Going to the grocery store to stock up on chicken breast and veggies.

Have a great weekend everyone.  I pray I do it and not overeat this weekend - keeping my fingers and toes crossed.

Last couple of days I was in a slump, just going through all the emotional and physical torture that comes with PMS. I wanted to use PMS as an excuse IF I did not lose weight. But why make excuses when I know I’m not losing because my fat butt likes to eat.

Not only that I had to modify this weeks work out due to arch pain in my foot. I miss yoga; it’s been almost six days since the last one. I miss my hard workouts but I have to bring it down a few notches because my body told me so.

But I’ve been eating much better; yes, there were days I cheated but it was always in moderation. I have not binged in a long time so that helps.

Well, I have to say despite the bad attitude and PMS, I have lost two lbs - me - the person that loses weight slower then a tortoise crossing the street. I’ve never been prouder of two lbs then the ones I lost this week. It took dedication, determination and the will the succeed.

Now I need to lose 9 more lbs to match my best weight in early 2007 of 150. From then on I am setting sail to reach 139 for the Christmas challenge.

Food Log

Exercise Log

Thank you so much to everyone who supported me through my fried jumbo shrimp ordeal.  Could you imagine if I caved in and ate 1 1/2 pound of fried shrimp?  What a disaster - but averted because I have you guys to support me.

So over the weekend, my other half, the love of my life FINALLY had an ah ha moment.  When I came back home from being at the gym for 3 hours on Saturday, he looked and me and said, “You really like working out huh?  It’s like how I feel about speeding.”  That, my dear friends, is what I needed.  Yesssss! He gets it - he finally has.  That I go to the gym to workout out, not socialize for the most part, not goof off but to sweat and stay healthy.  He finally understands that it’s my alone time and I enjoy it so much.  I get a rush from working out and it gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment with each session.  I challenge myself to go harder, get in another minute when I think I can’t do it anymore, to do an extra set of chest presses when my arms and chest are shaking - it’s the thrill of knowing that I am a challenger and a winner.   Three hours is alot of time to him to spend there but for me it feels like it’s only been minutes since I entered the facility.   

I hope in time he accepts my weightloss and start telling me I’m beautiful again instead of telling me he misses my fat.  Hey, one day at a time right?  For now it feels good knowing  that he’s starting to accept my enjoyment in working out.

Food Log

Exercise Log

Talk about self sabotage -
Gosh, how and why do I put myself in these situations? I went to the grocery story to stock up on rice and what not. Went to the seafood section and they were putting out today’s ready fried jumbo shrimp. I longed for it, wanted it, put it down and picked it up. Finally put it in my basket thinking to myself, what’s the harm, it’s seafood and good for you right?

I’m back in the office and I do a calorie search - 110 calories for 6 regular size shrimp. I have over one and a quarter lb. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

So now I’m sitting here wondering what my next move should be - eat it and I know my crazy self won’t eat just a couple, enjoy it but regret every bite or eat a couple and take the rest home but still be tempted to eat it at home.

I am so tempted to eat the whole thing. Gosh, I need will power bad.

The calories in that dish is stopping me from walking to that fridge and eat it all. I hope it carries me through the next few hours.

 I eat homemade food 90% of the time; this is at home and work.  I rarely eat out because of economics and because I like to control what goes into my food.  

I’m surprised to see a nice balance in my bank account today as I was not expecting a deposit until Sunday.  So I’ve been online trying to get the most food for my calorie hehehehe.  This by the way my friends, is after having toast & jam, chicken noodle soup for breakfast; sounds gross but it’s pretty good because it’s spaced out an hour apart.  After checking out Subway’s, Mcdee’s and El Pollo Crazy’s website and walking to the Deli and checking out their selections of sanwich and salads, I ate another toast w/ pb& j and overcame the urge to splurge.

Soooooooooooooo, for lunch I’m going to have skinless chicken breast and small serving of white rice.  Yep, can take the girl out of Asia but I still love my rice.

On Father’s day I’m taking my honey to dinner with him and his 13 year old son.  I will eat - in moderation of course. 

My boyfriend dates primarily Asian and Latin women.   Our relationship started off online.  He saw a few pictures of me and only knew my ethnicity because of my screen name.  I told him before our first date that I’m not like the other Asian women who are tiny, cute and flat.  Come on, I’m like 180 lbs at that time.  We met and he tried to tell me he was attracted to my eyes and face but we both knew it was the bootie.  We’ve been inseparable since that day about 9 months ago.

Before I started losing weight in April, he would tell his friends that he is lucky to have me because it’s rare to find Asian with with big bootie and boobs.  It doesn’t make me uncomfortable because I’m used to it as my ex-husband is also Black.  He is a street racing lover and compares me to his beloved Supra but also have turbo (being the butt) with nitrate mixed in.  He USED to call me is “Special Edition”.  I don’t have that title anymore. :( 

As I stargted losing weight I’ve toned up and have lost  much of those to assets and as I’ve blogged before, he always complains about it. 

Sometimes I’m so torn.  I am so happy with how I look right now and how I will look once I lose about 20 more lbs.  But I’ve notice the change in how he views me.   Sometimes I fear he’s not as attracted to me….but I think it’s my own insecurities.  I know that deep down he loves me big or small.  I just have to let it go and do what makes me happy. 

Sometimes I feel he’s harder on me then his exes.  Because his exes, the main one was also Asian, was tiny.   Why was it ok with her but not me?

 I conclude that I have to make myself happy first and until I’m happy in my own skin, I can not make anyone else happy. 

What a difference a week made.  Last week I had the munchies and I succumbed to it all.  Meaning I ate chips whenever I had the chance, took bites off everyone’s plate whenever I had the chance.  As much as I hated doing it, I would take a bite of Rodney’s Jack in the Crack food after my cutoff time of 8pm.  I hated myself for it.

But this week I’m doing much better.  Albeit, I ate chips on Sunday and Monday evening.  Yesterday was a great success.  I stayed away from other people’s plate.  I ate my food and it’s paying off.  I got on the scale today and this week I’m down two lbs.  I did not eat chips even though I stared at the bag for a while, I did not eat any of the cheesecake that I wanted a bite off so badly, I did not eat after my cuttoff time and I stayed within calorie count. 

Today because I’m not working out I’m being very mindful of what I eat.  I ‘m trying to stay around 1200 calories.   As much as I wanted to workout I forced an off day because plan on working out the next three days; as always it’s cross training with cardio, strength and yoga classes.  I’m starting to really like the Power Sculpt class.  It’s makes waking up at 5am worth every minute.

This is the first good eating weekend in a while.  Even though I did eat chips here and there I was always within calorie count.  On Sunday my mother made a very traditional Khmer dish, one pot wonder kind of thing but she added something extra.  She added these premature egg yolks my sister’s MIL gave her when she came back from San Fran.  I got my plate ate it along with the eggs.  After taking a nap I felt sick but not too bad.   Then my cousins came through wanting us to go to a b-day party.  I got progressively worse.  Got to the party and was having a hard time standing up because my stomach was hurting so bad, my mouth was dry, food was making me sick.  I took Rolaids which did nothing.  Then we had dinner made up of Korean BBQ, chicken, and of course I ate like 3 slices of pie.  Fortunately I got even sicker; so off to the bathroom and not once but purged twice.  Glad the pies are gone.  :) 

Unfortunately I was too sick to eat anything else.  We started playing Taboo and in between yep - I was in the bathroom.  By the time I got home at 1am I felt a lot better.  Thank God this time it was for 12 hours and not the 3 day one I had a couple years ago. 

My sister and mom was a little sad I blamed it on her dish but I can’t think of anything else I ate that was not a repeat. 

Food Log

Exercise Log

First off, thank you to my teammates - Fitness Fanatics for being there for me.  I cried when I signed on and saw all the notes you guys left for me.

Everything went well.  I am divorced and have my maiden name back.  It’s like a birth day - I’m now reborn and have a new lease on life.

After 12 years, I’m so glad it’s over.   I’m leaving the past in the past and concentrating on building a better  future. 

Usually my co-workers are good not bringing junk food to the office.  Our President is an environmentalist/scientist/raw food guru.  If he could ban sugar and anything that is considered poisonous to the human body he would.  Well today he is at a customer site and so the party begins.

The production manager brings in a box of fresh donuts.  My office is about 5 feet away from the break room; I can smell them and it is so tempting.  When he brought them in he says to me “You work so hard Nancy, try them.”  So I caved in but only took two bits from a fritter and a bar.  I ate a couple bites and threw out the rest.

My goal for today is to stay away from that box.  This is a complete test of my will power, motivatio to lose weight and determination to make my goals.  I can not and will not give in.  Am I weak?  Can I do this?     

I think I can I think I can. 

Exercise Log