khmerbeauty

God, I hate my job right now…ok, I’m PMSing. But really, I hate working here sometimes. Mistake number one, I come to work for an established company of 30 years; of which one Shipping and Purchasing person, who is a total bi*&ch has been doing the same job function for said years. She is in her 60’s and almost ready for retirement.

THE PROBLEM????????
She helped screan for my position. So she knows what is on my resume; which means she knows I am capable of doing her job, plus my own with no problem. As I did that for the past 4 years for my other employer. I’ve been here over 8 months and I’ve had some good and bad days.

She is very old fashioned, set in her ways, miniumally computer literate and still uses a typewrite when 99.99% of everything she does can be done on a computer. She also has a very black and white outlook on life. I KNEW, KNEW on the second interview we were not going to mesh well. Just gut instinct. Also, she either likes you or she doesn’t. I’ve notice she does not like me and the Customer Service person.

I don’t care if she doesn’t like me because I have a job to do and that is my priority. But this one is out to get me. She acts like my deparment answers to hers; but in reality I answer to the Vice President only. All I care about is what my boss thinks of my and my performance.

But this lady, can’t even play the office Political games correctly. She has a problem with me but never confronts me with it. She gets the Production Manager to play her dirty game to get “answers” from me. I already told my boss, I’m not into office politics, I’m here to do my job well. But I prefer people who are upfront then those who are back stabbers or shall we say twofaced people. Don’t smile in my face, have “pretend conversations” with me then trash talk me behind my back. Be a woman and talk to me, TEACH ME, tell me what your concerns are…because if she doesn’t and all I get is hearsay, I can not learn and progress as an employee. I’m more then willing to learn and is receptive to constructive criticism. But don’t talk shi*&^t on me and just pretend everything is alright. I hate FAKE arse people with a passion. Be straightforward; there is no need for games.

Today she’s really after me but I know how to handle her….good God…I can not allow this woman to get the best of me.

OK, enough venting and yelling….sorry this is not weight related but I’m about to eat everything in the refridgerator if she keeps bothering me.

Well, the day is almost here. After 10 years together,12 total (2 separated) most yrs were miserable, depressing, abusive towards one another, hurt, pain, anger, jail and prison, I battled obesity throughout my 20’s….after all of that I will be divorced and can truly start my life over again.

My ex, who isn’t ready to let me go yet, I hope, does not show up. Although it doesn’t matter as he had over a year and a half to respond; this is my default judgement hearing and I will be free to marry my boyfriend. Well, we won’t go there yet but I’m glad that it’s just around the corner.

Last week was disastrous. I ate like a pig; the worst part was knowing what I was doing was against every rule in the weight loss book. I ate junk food, chips, cookes - whatever was at hand I ate…with every bite I was hating myself but I couldn’t put it down. Exercise is no problem as I love to workout. I can do 10 hours in a week and still do another 5 with no problem. I can kickbox, swim, be on the elliptical, yoga until I can’t breathe anymore, lift weights whatever…it comes very easy to me. It’s the food…the urge to eat that kills me and my attempt to lose weight.

This week started off right. When we had a family lunch at a traditional Chinese restaurant - I stuck to portion control, ate very little rice but a lot of seafood; my only bad is the fried fish but it’s so good and was my only indulgence. Monday was better; I ate sensibly all day. Yesterday wasn’t a challenge at all. I ate right as I’m back in the office. I have to say I was proud of myself….not only did I get an extra hour of cardio in with kickboxing and 1/2 of yoga…I went home and ate two small mini meals and all before 8pm.

Today is starting off well. I drank a liter of water by 9am, had my cottage cheese and toast. I’m gettin ready to eat 2 hard boil eggs then lunch will be here soon. For lunch its bbq chicken breast and small serving of rice and veggies. I’m about to go to Costco for some blueberries and walnuts. I hope I can stick to it today and not overeat at night….keeping my fingers crossed.

Even though the scale isn’t always my best friend….I have to say I am now wearing all my medium clothes.

Is anyone else having problems with entering/editing your food journal entry?  I’ve been having problems the last few weeks, especially with editing.  It doesn’t always save what I enter or it updates it automatically with the wrong serving.  Today I’ve been having major issues.  I notice that the home page has been updated; maybe the whole site is under construction.  I need to be more patient.  Just venting…thanks.

My honey is Kenyan and built like one: 6′4″ tall, lean, natural muscles, six pack abs. When I met him he was lean but on the skinny side at 160lbs. Within the 7 months we’ve been together he gain 22 lbs and very proud of it. Everyone including his mom tells me he looks much better, fuller face, healthier and it’s all because of me :). The other night he told me he wants to gain another 20 lbs and he is set. Where is the weight going? I don’t know ??? as he has very little fat on him like 10% if even that.

I on the other hand continued to gain weight in the 7 months until last month when I started back on buddyslim. One of my motivation to lose weight is to be a “hottie” on his arm. Just kidding, I just wanted to us to be a nice looking couple. How was that gonna happen if he’s lean and sexy and I’m fat and short? It’s like the odd couple; anyhow, I saw us the other day in passing a store window and we don’t look too bad. Although he is still not on board, as my mother is in terms of wanting me to lose weight. Everyone keeps telling me - oh, you’re at a nice size again don’t get any smaller. SO I appreciate this website because I am getting the support that I don’t always get from my family.

Once he gains the 20 lbs and I lose my 20 lbs I would be one happy woman. He wants to buy another bikini outfit for me so I said, by it in a medium - my goal is to fit it in by mid June.

Food Log

Exercise Log

On Saturday I made it to the gym for an hour and a half of upper body circuit training and an hour of yoga.  It was my first yoga class all week.  It felt so good to stretch out my muscles.  I ate well and did not eat after 8pm.  

Sunday was my off day but with it being Mother’s day I knew we would have a lot of food.  We did not want to go to a restaurant and wait to get in for dinner; so we decided to grab food and bring it home.  My mom’s wish for dinner, crackling pork and pork skin, Chinese style chicken feet, intestines, tongue and pig’s ear.  Ok, only thing I was eating from that menu is the pork.  We went to Rodney’s mom’s house to give her her flowers.  We didn’t stay long but long enough to have some African tea, my favorite.  We then picked up my mom’s food then we picked up normal Chinese fast food for the rest of us.  By the time we got home I was hungry but did not overindulge on the fatty food.  I did have orange chicken, chow mein, BBQ pork, fried rice and eggroll, but my portions were small.  I told Rodney that in the past I can eat up to 4x what I’m eating now.  I just was not that hungry. 

I did eat the same food at midnight because I had a long day and I just cave in to it.  But I ate a little bit of everything.  The upside - I knew I would be up in 5 hours for my 5am workout.

This morning I spent about an hour and a half of upper body strength training with spurts of cardio mixed in.  I changed it up a notch because I notice I was not that sore from my Saturday workout.  Then I got on the Elliptical for about 25 minutes and spent another 10 minutes doing Yoga.  I have a lot of energy today and I need it.  I’m trying my best to cut out coffee and the morning routine is certainly helping.  I plan on going back to night for kickboxing if I could but definetely for Yoga.

Food Log

Exercise Log

I finally reached my first mini goal of 165 lbs and lost 1 dress size. I set another mini goal of 5 lbs. My mini mini goal is to reach 163 by next Friday 5/16/08. The weight has been coming off at a nice pace, about 2 lbs per week. I don’t want to lose more then that because I do resistance training 2 to 3 times a week as well as yoga. I prefer muscle mass over fat any day because I can get away with looking slimmer then I actually am with lean muscle. Sad to say the butt and the boobs went first and my honey is the most upset about it but we can’t pick and choose where we store fat.

Food Log

Exercise Log

I have never been a morning person unless it’s on the weekend (don’t know why); the only way I wake up is with the aid of an alarm clock. Even when I was working at 7am I had a hard time getting up at 6am.

When I first started working out, all of it was done after work in the evening. Then I found a great TKB and Yoga instructor and I moved my workouts a couple nights a week to 7:30pm and finishing up by 9:30pm. The pro, got a great sweat and sessions in but my eating habit was screwed up. I would eat breakfast, snack, lunch, snack then eat like crazy around 10 to midnight because I was so hungry due to the late night exercise. Not only that I was tired all the time because I couldn’t make myself go to bed till 1am sometimes.

Since I started returning to the gym on a regualar basis in April, I experimented a little. I had some morning class then went back for afternoon classes. I still ate late, around 8pm then hungry again around 10pm; old habits are hard to break.

Due to circumstance, my boyfriend has an early morning job and has to be up at 5am, it makes it easy for me to get up with him and not go to bed. Since I started this routine of getting an hour to an hour and a half in before 7am, that my body has reacted positively to it.

Benefits of an early morning routine:
1) I can be and am now a morning person. 5am is no longer a drag.
2) I get my exercise in and I have a ton of energy.
3) I’m slowly cutting back on coffee. I don’t feel the need to drink the whole 8 oz, sometimes half is all I need.
4) I eat as soon as I get in the office. So breakfast is always done before 8am but I’m not hungry again until 10. That’s when I get a snack in.
5) I’m eating less and less food but I have so much energy. I’m not as hungry as I used too.
6) BEST PART - I’m not as hungry at night. It’s like a lightbulb went off. I get home, eat my dinner/snack at 5 or 6. Then I may eat again right before 8pm. But I don’t have such a strong urge to eat at 10pm anymore.
7) We go to bed early and I sleep throughout the night except for the occasional bathroom break.
Last but not least, I don’t feel so lathargic like I used to.
9) I have more time to spend with my family and boyfriend.

This morning I changed my routine a little. Got there a bit before my Power Sculpt class to do som upper body. Then I participated in most of the class but because I was not getting a good sweat in, I jumped on the elliptical for 10 minutes at the max resistance. Then I returned to class to join in for some upper body. When class was over did a little circuit training with weights and jump roping. Then I snuck in about 5 minutes of Yoga. I’m sure I will feel it tonight.

I will take a walk or two during break and lunch just to get in an extra 10 or 15 minutes but walking does not make me sweat like I want.

I don’t need to go back to the gym tonight because tomorrow I have a 6am Kickboxing class and a 5:30pm Yoga class.

So, yesterday I ate well. Had some yogurt for breakfast then went to Claim Jumper for lunch. I made good choices, casear salad with no crouton, honey mustard on the the side. I had a 6oz of broiled salmon with roasted veggies. BUTTTTT I got home and again I started eating, oh boy, did I eat. First it’s rice and sausage, small portion. Then my sister brought fries and burgers fro Carl’s and my honey had Jack in the Crack (Box). I ate the fries, half of a Famouse, some criss cuts and yes pork rind and all before 6pm. What am I to do because I always, always eat again around 8pm. To test my will power and determination I took it minute by minute. First took a tiny nap with my boyfriend. Woke up at 7pm,hmmmm, not too hungry…8pm came by I’m not hungry, then 9 then 10pm…..Yesssss I overcame it but because my stomach was a little upset I went and had a couple Doritos. I am so PROUD of myself. In the past I would give in at start eating at 8 and continue on eating but this time I held me accountable and it worked.
Even though I was too lazy to get up and do yoga, I didn’t feel too bad because I got my hour in early Tuesday morning.

This morning I woke up at 5am and went for an hour on the elliptical and 20 minutes of lower body. I increased the level on the elliptical and increase the weight for strength…I certainly felt it when I got home.

The best news is I now weight 166 lbs, whoo hooo, if you could see me, I’m doing my bootie shake hehehehehehe. It’s been almost a year since I saw the 160’s. Now I’m more motivated then ever to continue losing weight.

Food Log

Exercise Log

Yesterday was pretty emotional. For the past 7 months my boyfriend has been unemployed not by choice but by circumstance. Financially it’s been hard. We’ve been struggling to make it with just my income - from paycheck to paycheck. We’ve managed well; we didn’t have money to do things we want but always made time to do things together. Recently Rodney and his mom started their own company, so that his “issue” is not longer an issue. The good news yesterday was that they have a route and their first day is today. BUT yesterday, my boyfriend went MIA on me. I didn’t hear from him all day since morning - which is unusual; and it doesn’t help that his mom kept calling me asking if I heard from him. I kept calling and texting no reply. It was a good thing I got in an hour on the elliptical in the morning because I was not in the mood to workout. I even missed my yoga class. Not only that I couldn’t take a nap so I ended up eating everything in sigght - I binged on porkrind and Doritos. Everytime I grabbed a handful of junk I was telling myself too stop but I had no willpower; the only thing I wanted to do was fill the time with something so I don’t think of the worse case senario with my honey.
We finally talked around 8pm, the urge to eat stopped and I calmed down. Trust me, I wanted to hurt him so bad for putting me through such an emotional ordeal but he’s safe and that’s all that matters.

We both had to be up at 5am, him for his first day and me for my power sculpt class. All in all it worked out well. The upside to waking up at 5 everyday is that I have 5 mornings to get in an hour or so of exercise; then I can always go back for the other fixes - the yoga or cardio, depending on my morning session. I’m so glad things are finally on the up and up for us. It’s been a long hard journey but we are finally pulling through as a couple.

Food Log

Exercise Log