Khmerbeauty 1 Life 1 Destiny

We are doing 100% +100% better. The last couple of weeks were rough. We were both unhappy and fustrated. I was fustrated because he was constantly moody and always upset with me about this or that, nothing major but I knew something was off. He was fustrated because he simply missed me. He didn’t like waking up and I’m gone. Then after work I would return to the gym for longer sessions. All in all we were pretty unhappy.
But we’ve worked things out, we communicate effectively on a daily basis, always mindful of each other’s needs.

We spent the whole weekend together, swimming with my niece and nephews, watching movies and just being around each other. When he took off to see his son on Sunday I went to the gym and got in a bomb workout.

Then yesterday he took me to the gym….somehow, because he knew where I was at for a couple hours eases his mind, not that we don’t trust each other, but for him to see one of the other locations I go to helps calm him down. He worries a lot about me because my soon to be ex-husband still tries to contact me even though I make no attempt to see him. We live in the same city so my baby is always worried when I leave the house.

Last night after we got home we watched the Lakers sweep the Denver Nuggest - Yeah, Go Kobe Go Kobe….sorry we’re Laker Fans. Then we spent the evening laughing, giggling, and just being silly - something we have not done in a while.

He was understanding when I told him I was going to my 5am Power Sculpt class, but I am taking a rest day tomorrow. As he was a Sales Consultant for LA Fitness, he stresses the importance of rest days between workouts. Yes, I concede and have backed off working out so much.

Food Log

Exercise Log

 We had a terrible argument last night because he doesn’t want me to lose weight, he loves my “thicknes” (Fat in my eyes) and that things has changed since I started back on buddyslim and my normal workout regimen.  It’s disheartening to say the least because like my ex-husband, my boyfriend (he’s Kenyan), wants me to have a certain look but I want to slim down.  They love “thick” woman and that was the draw they had to me.  Darn mom for giving me a butt :).  Yes, I am stubborn and I want to do things my way.  But I’m looking at this as a blessing in disguise.  I came up with a plan that will work with both our schedule.  We are going out there, buy some hand weights, medicine ball, Swiss ball and Rodney Yee’s instense yoga series for workouts at home.  I told him he needs to become a part of my weightloss, slim down plan.  I will utilize him for couples workout with the med. ball.  He will not distract me during my yoga workout.  I will still continue with the gym for cardio, a couple yoga classes with my fav instructors and 1 session of lift.  The rest I can do with him.  He agreed that it’s a great plan.  It’s a good compromise.  Oh, I will continue doing my thing at the gym BUT it will be one that works for both of us.  Thing is I went from one extreme to another, an ex husband who didn’t spend much time with me to one who wants me around all the time.  But I also made him understand that I like my space and independence; I do my thing on my time because it’s not always about him.  

Ok, crouton….as I’m not sure if I will make it to the gym I really need to watch what I eat.  A few weeks ago I discover Mcdonald’s grilled chicken Casear Salad….the chicken is better then some I’ve had in pricier restuarants.  So, I calculated my calories for the meal, including croutons as I LOVE crouton.  Got there and ordered a Casear and a side salad, and I saw 2ea of crouton added to my order.  Paid and left just dreaming about indulging on crouton.  WELLLLLLL, they didn’t give me any.  At first I  was upset but after looking up the calorie count for 2 - total of 120 calories - I turned a frown into a smile.  Hey, that’s like 20 minutes of hard work at the gym.  Additionally I told them I don’t need the second order of dressing.  I can eat most salads with very little if any dressing at all.   That’s a saving of almost 200 calories.  So, eating wisely, I get to have good healthy food and save 360 calories.  Yeah me. 

Food Log

Ok, so today, one more lb down….AND that’s all I need for this week.  Funny how on Monday I wrote 4/25/08 169 as a mini mini goal.  I’m not sure what is going on in this head of mine today.  I went to the gym at 6am to get 45 min. of elliptical in.  But I feel depressed, larthargic, tired….just wanted to crawl back into bed with my honey but work awaits.

I think it’s my “monthly friend” that’s why I feel so blahhhh….I hope I feel better once I leave work.  Oh, almost forgot, been fight a head cold for the last 3 days; I hate waking up feeling congested and ahh my sinus is killing me.  But I never use that as an excuse to not exercise.  In fact, I find working out helps with the congestion.

 Well, tonight I’m not going to my spin class.  I don’t feel too bad because I got in some exercise this morning.  I will go to my lift class and will probably get there early so I can do some more cardio and core work.

Food Log

Exercise Log

When I got on the scale yesterday and read 170, I was like no way because the first couple of weeks have been a struggle to lose 2 lbs per week (but I keep telling myself it’s because I’ve been packing muscle on).  Got to work this morning jumped on again and was expecting to see a fluctuation with the scale saying I gained a lb or so - but nooooo it stuck at 170, was even at 169.  So I’m keeping my number and the motiviation.  Hopefully in a few months I’ll re-read this blog and say hmmm it’s good to be 150 :).

I’ve noticed changes in my eating habit.  For one, Pizza was in the fridge when I got home but I resisted and that my dear friend, took a ton of will power.   When I was in high school I picked up a bad habit on inhaling my food because I had so many activities and classes to attend.  That habit stuck with me for the last 15 years and it has contributed to my weight gain.  Lately I’ve started takin’ it very slow.  I would eat, distract myself with something then go back to my plate.  I enjoy everything I eat; I take the time to look at what I’m eating.  Because I am taking the time to enjoy food, I am also conscious of what goes into my body. 

As I’ve had almost zero appetite the last few days I hope it sticks around for today as I have no yoga, kickboxing, or weight classes to attend.  I’m trying to stay around 1300 calories and less carbs, more protein and as always water water and more water, we’ll add green tea to the mix.

Food Log

I can’t say I am a yo-yo dieter because I didn’t “diet”.  The last time I lost weight I had a very selfish motivator - to prove to  my soon to be ex-husband that you know what, you don’t know what you’re losing by cheating on me.  Because we had so many issues in our marriage, I never focused on the most important one, keeping me healthy.  Long story short I lost the weight but because my main drive was to prove a point to the ex, I injured myself, took months off working out, ate as if I was stilling working out and gain almost 20 lbs.

When I first joined this site in December I was half a&&ing it as I was in a comfort state, new relationship, good food, good fun….etc.  But in January I realized that I still had “issues”.  With my baby’s help we confronted those personal issues, worked on self-esteem and just build myself from the ground up.   Through it all I missed the gym but wouldn’t go back full force because I was not in “good condition” to workout along side my girlfriends.

 On April 1st, something clicked, everything fell in place in terms of employment, life, love, home, etc.  I finally decided to focus on me.   I now actually like who I am inside and out, I respect myself and you know what, even love me.  Someone once told me if you do not love yourself then you are useless to others.  Be the sun in your life so that you can be there for everyone else; because if you don’t put yourself first, then the cylce starts all over again.   

 I’m not losing weight fast but I am enjoying the process.  I love exercising, love having energy, eating is under control for the most part…but most of all, I love me.  Once you respect and love yourself, the weight will come off slowly but surely.  Before you know it, one goal is reached and its time to set new goals and reach those as well.

The purpose of this blog is to serve as a motivator for those days when I can’t stand being in my own skin. 

Food Log

Exercise Log

Wow, it’s been 21 days since I became active again on this site.  Since the 1st I’ve been journaling my food and exercise regimen, lost about 2 lbs per week and gaining muscle overall.  My energy level is up.  I am becoming a ”morning” person as waking up at 5:15am every morning is no longer a drag but something I look forward to.  Everyday is a test of my will and determination to reach my goals.  I don’t deprive myself of any wants, needs or cravings….I had chips, cookies, fries but portion control was my best friend - and a loving boyfriend who takes the food away when it’s too tempting.      

One of my biggest, biggest nemisis in terms of weight loss are Fridays and the weekends.  For Cambodian New Year last week I overate but it’s not unusual to overeat on weekends.  It’s like all inhibitions goes right out the window. 

However, this weekend, I did well.  Although Friday was a little heavy, I stayed under 2000 calories but snacked too much on chips as my family played “Dirty Mind”.  But I woke up on Saturday, did upper body, an hour of step and my yoga routine.  I guess a belll went off, maybe it is PMS, but I stuck to my weekday eating habit and ate less then 1500 calories.  Sunday was my off day from working out - I stayed within my calorie requirement as well. 

So this Monday I’m off to a great start.  Although I didn’t workout this morning, I plan on getting to the gym a bit early so I can get some cardio in before my Camp24 and yoga class. 

Food Log

Exercise Log

Ok, little history, about 8 months ago I was working for a manufacturing company in SoCal for over 4 years. I resigned because I was relocating to the east coast. Long story short, I came back home to SoCal after a few weeks and just gut instinct that the situation was not ideal for me. It took two months before I found a job with my current company.

Last week got a call from their adminstrator requesting that I meet with the CFO and CEO and President of the US operation for a possible return to my old position with some added responsiblity. Yesterday I went and had a excellent interview with them; salary was negotiated and what not. Today I got the offer letter but with some talk over with my boyfriend, decided it was NOT in my best interest to return even with a salary hike. I already accepted the offer - what is a girl to do? He said in the long run I will benefit from staying with the company I’m with now. Before sending a decline of offer email to my previous employer, I went to my boss’s office and told her about my situation. She was so thrilled to learned I decline an offer for more money to stay with this one. You know what she said - She will MATCH it. Yes yes yes.
Then I called my old boss back and he said, I’ll give you an extra $3000 annually - I told him, whatever he offer my boss will match it. I just wished them the best of luck.

My boyfriend said good things come to those who wait and those who work hard. I’m so happy right now. Too bad it’s my off day form working out because I have so much energy and just ready to go go go.

Just wanted to share with everyone on this site. Hopefully my weight loss journey will be as successful as my employment.

I’ve been so busy working and working out that I didn’t realize we were growing apart a little at a time.

This morning I got up at 5:30am, got to the gym and put in an hour on the elliptical as they don’t normally have classes that early. I came home and was in the process of selecting my work outfit when he woke up and said to me, “You work out too much. I think you are addicted to the high from it.” He continue on saying that I’m over doing it and on and on. In the past I would react defensively. This time I just finished getting my clothes, hopped in the shower and thought long and hard about what he was saying. After my shower I crawled back in bed and said I thought about what you said and I want to come to a compromise. I’ll cut out the Sunday workout and get a few good intense yoga videos I can do at home but that I still love going to the gym. I love the feeling I get after an intense session, I love doing different things like my lift class, yoga, spin, kickboxing, camp, etc. Everything takes time. And above all, I give so much to the family that the few hours I do spend on me is the only time I’m selfish.

I asked him what is truly bothering him, he said that things have changed. He misses me because I’m always gone. He said I’m so tired from long days that our intimate time is effected; to be exact, our lovelife is suffering. I realized then that we have to come to a compromise because I don’t want exercise, the desire to lose weight and be the ideal person for me effect the one person who loves me for who I am already. He said he doesn’t care how I look because he loves me but I told him I’m not completely happy with who I am now.

For today as I already got in an hour of cardio, I will not go back to the gym but straight home to spend quality time with him. Now I have to come up with a work schedule that works for both of us, so that I feel like I’m getting my dues in for my body and he gets his girlfriend. It was much easier doing all this, spending hours at the gym when I was single. But now that I do have someone who loves me, I have to doe what is best for our relationship.

Food Log

Exercise Log

It’s been 8 days since I returned to my page. I’m so glad to be back. I returned to journaling which opened my eyes to my bad habits and the need to change them. I’m back in the gym. Last night was an easy night. Just yoga and some strength and cardio kicked in there - 2 hours of fun and it was over too soon. I’m glad the scale is moving even if it is a bit at a time. Last night I thought I did bad but according to the food journal I did well - and am actually low on the calorie count. I’ve come to realize that the traditional Khmer cooking I grew up on is the best food for me. Like last night I had a traditional soup style dish which is eaten with rice, like everything else in Cambodian cooking, and it was delicious. It had everything, rich tasting broth made from seasoning with ethnic spices like lemon grass, stinky fermented fish (but so good although it does stink and I always give my boyfriend a heads up to leave the room or pay for it hehehe), chicken, vegetables - which I was going for but couldn’t find that much of but the bits and pieces were sooo good. It’s an all in one type dish and so good for me because the only fat in it comes from the chicken only. Anyhow, I did indulge and ate a piece of my mom’s b-day cake. The only food I hated eating yesterday was the steamed veggies because it was so hard to chew and swallow - I aimed for 4 servings but got it a little less then that and ended up throwing the rest away -but but, I was so full from it that I wasn’t hungry even after I got home from the gym at 7:30pm. It is true, veggies and fruits fills you up like no tomorrow. Today I got into work a little early because I plan on leaving ’bout 15 minutes early for the gym. I’m taking my kickboxing class and Yoga as always. I can’t wait to work out. I love the rush that comes with it. I love feeling the sweat on my back, being out of breath, the whole nine yards….then I get to finish it off with an hour of yoga. I go home feeling so relaxed but full of energy.

Food Log

Exercise Log